[IBM]

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks
are too high."

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him
in.

Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck
up my backside."
"...How's that?"
"Don't you start."

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or
my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu?
But I think its Colin.

And my personal favourite

Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!