[Nick]

Yep, time for another rant!

My target this time? Well, it might veer towards being a little bit political and very probably politically incorrect, but I don’t care… these are my thoughts.

I heard on the radio this morning that we’re, and I quote, “in the grip of a level three heat wave. That’s only one below a level four heat wave which will officially be a crisis!”

A crisis? The weather’s lovely and warm and we have to be in a crisis?

What the hell is going on?

I think this and the reaction to England’s defeat on penalties pretty much sums up the mentality of the press and Joe Public in general.

We only seem to be happiest when we’re having a whinge and even though I’m having a whinge right now, I’m not happy about it, I’m downright bloody glum.

Why is it that for every silver lining we only focus on the cloud?

You can bet your life that if I went to the top of the NatWest tower in London and emptied their vaults over the side, showering the streets below in wads of cash, some miserable sod would sue me for lightly bruising him with a £10,000 bundle of fifties.

I’m sick of this country’s continued and sustained attempt to always see the downside.

You don’t get that in the America, oh no. Over there it’s a case of ‘Hey, it’s sunny again, temperatures are in the high 80s, let’s slip on the RayBans and hit the beach!’

Over here we’re warned about skin cancer, pollen levels and the air quality causing asthma attacks. I’m very sorry if you suffer from any of those three, I really am, but do we have to have it on a news report? I fly abroad quite regularly but I don’t hear a daily report of the likelihood of getting Deep Vein Thrombosis on particular flights…

So it’s sunny. That’s what Summer is about! Make the most of it for God’s sake!

So what if my lawn is now more beige than green, it just means I have to mow it less.

So what if I haven’t been able to wash my car for two months, I didn’t like washing my car anyway.

Every evening I can barbeque dinner which means less washing up, so I’m even doing my bit for conserving water.*

What does the sunny weather do for us? Well, it means we can share our in car entertainment with everyone else for a start, without getting our arms wet from the usual downpour that signifies summer is here.

Girls take to wearing much less which, as far as I’m concerned, should be a law anyway… I mean, there's nothing that brightens your day more than a tanned pair of legs topped off by a mini skirt strutting past you in the street. And I'm sorry, but if she doesn't want me to look, she should slip on a pair of jeans...

Of course, the exception are the ones who are usually referred to as having a ‘great personality’... they shoud stick to baggy jumpers, regardless of the temperature...

Also, it means the kids can go outside and play all the time rather than sitting indoors glued to the goggle box watching some insanely manic children’s TV presenter giving them advice on how to cover up for the summer.

So my advice is to enjoy a good thing whilst there’s a good thing there to be had.

Don’t forget that in a few short months the rain will come, then the fog and then, to cause another ‘crisis’, we’ll get an inch of snow around January that’ll cause huge hold-ups on every road in the country and people will be moaning about the lack of gritters keeping the roads clear.

So when it takes you four hours to drive three mile because the bint in front of you has just blown the engine in her Micra having revved the nuts off it wheelspinning on the ice, just remember how lovely and hot it was last Summer... even though everyone tried to tell you not to enjoy it.

*I read recently that Thames Water loses a THIRD of its water through leaks before it even reaches the tap. I have duly responded to this by pouring a third of my water rates onto the street, taking a photo of it and sending it off… no reply as yet though.