Acura NSX- I am impotent.
Alfa Romeo - I’m looking for Beta Juliet.
Aston Martin DB7 - I have sweaty feet, but still women like to suck my toes, I wonder why?
Audi 90- I enjoy putting out engine fires.
Audi TT - I love golf, but I love my car (with no space) more.
Audi A4 - Airhead who wants to be a banker, but is already a merchant . . .
Audi A6 - I like/have to shave my hairy arse.
BMW 3 series - I’m a successful sole trader & I can’t drive.
BMW 5 series - I have a successful limited company & I can’t drive.
BMW 7 series - I get other people to do my work, I’m far too important, but I still can’t drive.
BMW Z3 - I eat bananas with Marmite spread on them & passed 3 GCSE’s.
BMW Z4 - I run a trendy wine bar & have drunk most of the profits.
BMW Z8 - See Nissan 350Z
Buick Park Avenue- I am older than 34 of the 50 states of America.
Cadillac Eldorado- I am a very good Mary Kay salesman.
Cadillac Seville- I am a pimp.
Chevrolet Camaro- I enjoy beating up people.
Chevrolet Chevette- I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette.
Chevrolet Corvette- I'm in a mid-life crisis.
Chevrolet El Camino- I am leading a militia to overthrow the government.
Chrysler Cordoba- I dig the rich Corinthian leather.
Chrysler PT Cruiser - I dig graves & carry coffins.
Citroen AX - I chew on Barley straw & enjoy stamp collecting.
Citroen C3 - I want to escape to the jungle where life is free.
Citroen C5 - I have dreamed of conquering Mount Everest, but then thought it best to get a real job.
Citroen Picasso - From Essex, also see Renault Scenic.
Citroen Saxo - see Ford Fiesta.
Daewoo Matiz - I eat pizza for lunch & smoke 50 a day.
Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well.
Dodge Dart - I teach special needs children and I voted for Tony Blair.
Dodge Daytona- I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.
Ferrari 360M - I need a counselling session with Jerry Springer.
Ferrari 575 Maranello - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.
Fiat Uno - I’m a student waster.
Fiat Brava - Daddy buys my cars, one day he’ll buy me an MR2.
Fiat Bravo - I drive my low budget company car.
Fiat Espace - I live on a council estate; also see Renault scenic.
Fiat Multipla - I have no taste; also see Renault scenic.
Fiat Punto - I have product overload on my hair & consider Pizza Hut an Italian restaurant.
Ford Anglia - I buy all my clothes and consumables from my local pound shop.
Ford Cougar - I secretly steal street signs, I have them arranged in my back garden & at night it looks like aliens have landed.
Ford Escort - I’m a wannbe boy-racer, but in secret I buy pot plants for my mummy & take my Grandma shopping every week.
Ford Fiesta - Hairdresser, no sense of direction.
Ford Fairmont- (See Dodge Dart)
Ford Focus - I’m a boy-racer disguised as a sensible office worker at the weekends I'm a curry monster!!
Ford KA - I’m a student & can’t afford a Fiesta.
Ford Maverick - I’m cute, gay & immature and I love peanut butter.
Ford Mondeo - I’m a family person posing as a business manager.
Ford Mustang- I slow down to 85 in school zones.
Ford Orion - I like to cut shapes into potatoes and give them to the homeless.
Ford Sierra - I still think LA Gear trainers are “cool” & prefer it when my mum ties my shoelaces.
Ford SportKA - I’m a geezer-bird/Silly little boy who doesn’t know what real rally car looks like.
Ford StreetKA - Half a convertible is better than no convertible at all.
Ford Puma - I want a sports car, but won’t pay the money for it.
Ford Crown Victoria- I enjoy having people slow to 55mph & change lanes when I pull up behind them.
Geo Storm- I will start the 11th grade in the autumn.
Geo Tracker- I will start the 12th grade in the autumn.
Honda Accord - I pick my nose & flick the boogers at small children.
Honda del Sol- See Ford StreetKA
Honda Civic- I have just graduated and have no credit.
Honda Accord- I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.
Honda CR-V - I’m a friend to the animals & I talk with my mouth full.
Honda Jazz - I’m a train-spotter who’s been arrested several times for stalking the trains.
Honda NSX - I’m stuck in the 80’s & never eat my greens.
Hyundai Coupe - I still have acne, but honest it’s just the teenager in me trying to get out.
Infiniti Q45- My job requires me to ensure every Jammy Dodger has no smaller than a 2cm Jam diameter.
Isuzu Impulse- I don’t give a rip about Max Power or their reports.
Isuzu Trooper - I fancy Dale Winton.
Jaguar XJ6 - I’m so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.
Jaguar XK8 - I’m immature and have more money than brain cells.
Kia Sephia- I learned nothing from the failure of Diahatsu Corp.
Kia Sportage - I consider Car Boot Sale purchases Antiques of the future.
Lada Favourite - I’m a member of the Taliban seeking asylum in Great Britain.
LandRover Discovery - I’m a rich mum, who can’t drive.
Lexus LS400- I’m psychic, I knew they’d be as good as a Merc one day.
Lotus Elise - I dance like an ape & I love watching porn.
Lotas Elan - I go on 18-30’s holiday’s to see how the other half live!
Lotus M250 - Definite liar!!**
Lincoln Town Car- I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.
Mercury Grand Marquis- (See above)
Mercedes SLK- I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.
Mercedes 560SEL- I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole.
Mazda MX5 - I do not fear being decapitated by an 18- wheeler.
Mazda RX7 - I know how to treat myself.
MGB- I am dating a mechanic.
MGF - I’m too short to drive any other car.
MGZR - I’m a computer geek & make mohair wigs as a hobby.
MGZS - I’m a posh ginger who claims to be strawberry blonde.
Mini - I’m from Essex, no more needs to be said.
Mitsubishi Diamante- I don't know what it means either.
Mitsubishi Colt - I smell of cheese & shop in Liddles, Aldi’s, Pound stretcher etc.
Mitsubishi Carisma - I have all the charm of a lion in captivity.
Mitsubishi Evo 6 - I was an extra in Fast & the Furious (honest).
Mitsubishi Evo 8 - See Nissan 350 Z.
Mitsubishi Shogun - I’m insecure, eat steak for breakfast & I want a LandRover.
Nissan Micra - I work for M&S, Tesco’s, Wallmart, etc.
Nissan 300ZX- I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
Nissan Primera - I design foe-fur naughty underwear for nuns.
Nissan Skyline - I love speed and I don’t care who knows it, I also have a 3 page list of criminal convictions.
Nissan Sunny - I talk too much & can handle a vindaloo with ease.
Nissan Terrano - See Ford Maverick.
Nissan 350Z - I’m a liar! *
Oldsmobile Cutlass- I just stole this car and I'm going to make a....
Peugeot 106 - I have the most independent and exciting life, I’m also vain & live in a dream world.
Peugeot 205 - I hang on street corners at the weekends & keep a machete under my passenger seat.
Peugeot 206 - I wash my car every weekend & I’m on my 2nd marriage.
Peugeot 206cc - I’m two faced and will try and run all you wasters off the road.
Peugeot 305 - I deliver pizzas for a living.
Peugeot 307 - I’m an accountant, I’ve found a car that suites every purpose & no purpose at the same time.
Peugeot 405 - I have a job in the civil service & play poker at the weekends.
Peugeot 406 - My girlfriend has to wear Elizabeth Duke Jewellery so I can afford this car.
Peugeot 505 Diesel- I am on America’s Ten Most Wanted List.
Plymouth Neon- I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena.
Pontiac Trans AM- I have a switchblade in my sock.
Porsche 944- I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me.
Porsche 911 - I have a small p*nis, my car is my subst*tute.
Porsche Boxter - I still live with my mum & treat women like sh*t.
Proton Impian - I have a pet raccoloured gentleman called Jimmy & prefer shift work.
Renault Clio - I love my Daddy.
Renault Laguna - I’m always drunk, drunk, drunk!
Renault Megane - I’m a lottery winner honest, ok so I only got 5 numbers.
Renault Scenic - I haven’t heard of contraception.
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow- I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal.
Rover Metro - I spend all day watching Friends & ER, I also like egg mayo and Tuna sandwiches.
Rover 100 - I’m an OAP who always drives at least 20mph under the speed limit.
Rover 200 - I’m too bland for German cars & I never pay my rent on time.
Saab 9-5 - I definitely have more money than sense or taste.
Saturn SC2- (See Honda Civic)
Seat Alhambra - I can’t cook, have rotten teeth & live on a council estate in Bromley.
Seat Ibiza - I want to be model, but I have no chance unless I bed the photographer.
Seat Leon - My boss hates, that’s why he gave me this as a company car.
Skoda Fabia - I can’t afford a Volkswagen.
Skoda Octavia - I wear Bart Simpson ties to impress . . . nobody!
Smart Roadster - I collect Mars Bar wrappers, I have one dating back to 1948.
Subaru Legacy- I have always wanted a Japanese car even more than a life.
Subaru Impreza - I’m just a poser & I want to get shagged.
Suzuki Vitara JLX - I’m a Barbie girl, in my Barbie world.
Suzuki Gran Vitara - I laugh like a demented dog & wear my underwear inside out.
Toyota Avensis - I’m a cabbie & have robbed many liquor stores.
Toyota Camry- I wear my wife’s knickers.
Toyota Corolla - I wear the same underwear all week long.
Toyota MR2 - I’m far too old to be driving this, but at least the women I pull aren’t.
Toyota Rav4 - See Suzuki Vitara JLX.
Toyota Starlet - I like to be different & not in the good sense.
Toyota Supra - I can do no wrong.
Toyota Yaris - I’m a failed student; also see MGF.
TVR Chimera -I’m blind and consider Fosters Ice a hard-nut drink.
TVR Tuscan - I keep picking up mingers, once had a bird with 3 t*ts.
Vauxhall Almera - I got to over 50’s nights for a social life.
Vauxhall Astra - I’ve just got onto the property ladder.
Vauxhall Corsa - I’m single, but at least I’m not a hairdresser.
Vauxhall Frontera - I’m going through my mid-life crisis & want to own a Winnebago.
Vauxhall Nova - Essex-boy-racer & drug-dealer, has had more speeding fines than hot dinners!
Vauxhall Vectra - I’ve been a butcher, a baker & a candlestick maker.
Vauxhall VX220 - I can’t see my feet, as my balls are too big.
Volkswagen Beetle- I still watch Partridge Family reruns.
Volkswagen Golf- I am out of the closet.
Volkswagen Golf Convertible - I’m still hiding in the closet, but one day. . .
Volkswagen Microbus- I am tripping right now.
Volkswagen Polo - I own my own salon, but use too much salt on my food.
Volvo 740 Wagon- I am frightened of my wife.
Volvo S40 - I’m getting a personalized plate to compensate for not having a Merc