The trouble with kids is they're stupid but think YOU are...

[Bob Crabtree]

The trouble with kids is that they're stupid, no matter how smart they are.

This is evident from the fact that, from a very early age, they think their parents are stupid.

And, from observations I've made of other people's kids, they seem never to change that opinion all the while their parents are alive (or afterwards, either).

And I know my own parents - rest in peace - were both very stupid.

Even closer to home, let's look at my No.1 son who recently had his 21st birthday and studies at London School of Economics.

In my expert opinion he is stupid. Just like my other two kids, in fact (and all three have worryingly high IQs*).

Proof?

I got up, wandered into the kitchen and found on one worksurface a small pile of plantains - the banana-like fruit used in many African and West Indian dishes - that I know he put there when he came in in the early hours of the morning.

How does that make No. 1 son stupid? Or prove that he thinks I'm stupid?

Well, it doesn't. What does, though, is the sign that he put in a prominent place ON the plantains.

This said,

Plantain (not bananas!)

THE note>>

But I've plotted my revenge and wait to see what his reaction will be in a few hours time to the following signs that I have put up around the house.

In the kitchen

On a bunch of bananas
Bananas (NOT plantains!)


On the ceiling
Ceiling (NOT floor!)

On the floor
Floor (NOT ceiling!)

On the door
Door (NOT window!)

On the window
Window (NOT door!)

On the kettle
Kettle (NOT teapot!)

On the teapot
Teapot (NOT kettle!)

On the oven
Oven (NOT fridge!)

On the fridge
Fridge (NOT oven!)

On the salt grinder
Salt (NOT pepper!)

On the pepper grinder
Pepper (NOT salt!)

On the CD unit
Radio/CD player (NOT TV set!)

In the dining room

On the dining table
Table (NOT chair!)

On all eight dining chairs
Chair (NOT table!)


In the living room

On the TV set
TV set (NOT radio/CD player!)

I've got a whole lot of Post-It Notes left, so would welcome any other suggested paired warning signs that might prevent a stupid person like me confusing any two household objects and which I can put up to save No.1 son the bother.




* I'd be the first to argue that all IQ tests actually test is how well you do IQ tests but knowing that the average IQ is 100 does seem to explain rather a lot of behaviour that would otherwise be inexplicable.

[TeePee]

Originally Posted by Bob Crabtree

Window (NOT window!)

Are you sure?

[DavidM]

Shower (Not Toilet) ?

[Bob Crabtree]

Keep em coming, please!

[DavidM]

Okay - this is nasty but...

Toilet Paper (Not Towel)

[Bob Crabtree]

Originally Posted by TeePee

Are you sure?

D'oh!

You were right, of course (I hadn't copied that sign verbatim).

Now changed.

Fanks.

[Bob Crabtree]

Originally Posted by DavidM

Okay - this is nasty but...

Toilet Paper (Not Towel)

I've been looking around for my indelible "space pen" so I can do one that will stay readable when I drop it down the loo.

This one will say, "Loo, NOT drinking well"

[Bob Crabtree]

Originally Posted by DavidM

Shower (Not Toilet) ?

That one would actually not be very politic just now - it's that time of the year when we stop providing the cat with a litter tray in-doors and she has this little habit of doing a dump in the plug hole of the bath every now and then.

This seems to deeply upset everyone in the house except me - especially if they're in a hurry to take a shower.

Me, I find it rather an endearing habit but I suppose that's natural given that I'm the mug who always ends up dealing with the consequences and would much rather clean poo out of the plug hole than off of the carpet behind the living room settee!

Sorry to lower the tone!

[DavidM]

Perhaps the cat can read, and it'll realise it's being very silly?

[Lee @ SCAN]

Here's where the horrid ones come in...

go to HIS toothbrush and put a postit note on it saying "toothbrush - not toiletbrush" or vice-versa depending on how much you want to scare him

[kempez]

Thats funny Bob made me laugh.

I will say however: I know my Dad's intelligent: its just my Mum I wonder about sometimes

[Bob Crabtree]

Originally Posted by kempez

Thats funny Bob made me laugh.

Truth is - and rather sadly - I was laughing out loud as I went around sticking up these various notes, so was kind of hoping others would be amused!

I mainly plan to use this blog for such silly stuff, given that there's loads of other places on HEXUS where I can post on a daily basis.

Originally Posted by kempez

I will say however: I know my Dad's intelligent: its just my Mum I wonder about sometimes

I think I probably feel the same way.

(Amazing, really, when I don't even know them!)

[pr0p4g4nd4]

Very funny Bob, you should post up some pics

[Bob Crabtree]

Originally Posted by pr0p4g4nd4

Very funny Bob, you should post up some pics

Well... I've just edited my original posting to correct a typo and add one pair that I completely forgot I'd done - the salt and pepper grinders!

But, just for you...

These, for the record, are Bananas, not plantain!

[pr0p4g4nd4]

Thanks a bunch...

of Bananas, not plantain!

[PD HEXUS]