serious lack of jokes on here!

[cavemandave]

ok we need lots of jokes ppl get typing!

[IBM]

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks
are too high."

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him
in.

Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck
up my backside."
"...How's that?"
"Don't you start."

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or
my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu?
But I think its Colin.

And my personal favourite

Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!

[djfluff]

What do you call a Bear that has no Paw ?


.
.
.
.
.
.
..
...
....

Rupert The Bar-stuard

[IBM]

I thought mine were bad, but that's just shocking.

*hands djfluff his coat*

[djfluff]

Lol... at least mine wasn't ripped straight off another thread

[Fraz]

A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender looks puzzled and says, "No."
Duck asks the same question. "Got any grapes?"
"No, this is a bar. We don't have any grapes," the bartender says.
The duck again asks, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender loses it. "Listen, we don't have any grapes. Now get out of
here. And if you come back again, I'll take a hammer and nails and nail
your friggin' webbed feet to the floor."
The duck leaves. The next day, the duck returns. "You got any nails?"
The bartender says, "No."
The duck perks up. "Got any grapes?"


Ahahhahahhahhsh hahahahha! Well, I think it's funny.

[IBM]

Neither was mine. It was ripped straight off the first link google gave me when searching for 'worst jokes'.

Be glad that I at least selected the ones which made me laugh, rather than straight copying off the page.....you should have seen the bad ones.

Even so, shame on you. Shame I say!

[djfluff]

Why is it that I can only ever remember the really really offinsive jokes that I get told ??

[Fraz]

Another poor duck-based gag...:


A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich.

The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck".


"I see your eyes are working", replies the duck.


"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.


"I see your ears are working", says the duck, "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?".


"Certainly", says the landlord, "sorry about that, it's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?".

"I'm working on the building site across the road", explains the duck. Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves.

This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him, "You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!".

"Sounds marvellous", says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call".

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the landlord says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!".

"Yeah?", says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?".

"At the circus", says the landlord.

"The circus?", the duck enquires.

"That's right", replies the landlord.

"The circus?.

"Yes"

"That place with the big tent?".

"Yeah"

"With all the animals?".

"Of Course"

"With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle", asks the duck.

"That's right!", says the landlord.









The duck looks confused. "What the f*ck would they want with a
plasterer?".

[Clunk]

What's white, wears chequered pants, and if it falls out of a tree, it could kill you?













Rupert the fridge.

[Fraz]

What comes in pints?










An elephant

[Whiternoise]

Why is semen white and urine yellow?

So you can tell whether you're comin' or goin'

[finlay666]

Originally Posted by ibm

And my personal favourite

Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!

2 elephants and a cymbal fall off a cliff....boom boom tish!

[JK Ferret]

Originally Posted by Whiternoise

Why is semen white and urine yellow?

So you can tell whether you're comin' or goin'

[Andy3536]

Originally Posted by cavemandave

ok we need lots of jokes ppl get typing!

Hmmm....you see what you've started now don't you

[Stringent]

- My brother thinks hes a chicken
- Why don't you take him to see a psychiatrist?
- We need the eggs.