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General discussion Chatter, desires, jokes & rants; some threads are banter some are serious - please show respect for others ![]() |
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| | #1 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Chesire
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| A few jokes for a dull Wednesday morning... Morning all, A friend sent me these this morning and they really cheered me up so I thought I'd share: I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays." "I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.' So Batman came up to me & he hit me over the head with a vase & he went T'PAU! I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my hand." (Genius TBH) So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch." So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is." Hope they help, Leon /disclaimer - if you don't find these funny please refrain from posting comments such 'OMG I want two mins of my life back", just calmly step away from the thread.. |
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| Received thanks from: | Allen (28-11-2007) |
| | #5 (permalink) |
| sneaks quietly away. Join Date: May 2004 Location: Wiki Wiki Wild West side... of Sussex
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| Re: A few jokes for a dull Wednesday morning... Did you hear the one about the forum where a seletion of Tim Vine jokes got posted roughly once a month? |
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| | #8 (permalink) |
| Big Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: London
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| Re: A few jokes for a dull Wednesday morning... Originally Posted by Big Leon Matey, thanks for making a bad day a little bit better, that one made me and my colleagues laugh!
If cars had followed the same developmental path as computers, a Rolls Royce would cost £60, get a million miles per gallon and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. |
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| | #9 (permalink) |
| H3XU5 Cap-i-tan. Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: On the HEXUS.social bridge - Warp Speed Mr Warf!
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| Re: A few jokes for a dull Wednesday morning... OOOh you on fire today!! HEXUS.social Co-ordinator & [H3XU5].lan Team Captain Events coming soon:
FAQ: HEXUS.social FAQ! |
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| | #10 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Chesire
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| Re: A few jokes for a dull Wednesday morning... Originally Posted by Allen Glad to hear
I was actually laughing out loud about that one this morning to the point where people were looking at me....I was a little harsh perhaps, but I did put a disclaimer in the first post |
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| | #12 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: London
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| Re: A few jokes for a dull Wednesday morning... A good-looking woman walks into a bar wearing a tube top. She sits down at the end of the bar and immediately raises her hand to signal the bartender for a beer. At that moment, everybody notices that she doesn't shave her armpits. When she finishes her drink she raises her arm again to get another one. Again, everybody sees her incredibly hairy armpits. This happens a few times. Meanwhile, a drunk man on the other side of the bar says to the bartender as he passes him, "Hey! D'you see that ballerina on the other side of the bar?" The bartender gives him a nod. "Buy her a drink on me." The bartender replies, "Sure, but how do you know she's a ballerina?" "Because," answers the drunken man, "any chick who can lift her leg that high has GOT to be a ballerina." ______________ A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I''m sorry to bother you, but I''m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket." The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I''ve got a better idea... just for tonight, let''s pretend we''re married." The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles. "Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!" |
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| | #13 (permalink) |
| Exterminate! Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Pasty Land
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| Re: A few jokes for a dull Wednesday morning... A man is sat at the bar of a pub. A woman walks upto him and says "I'm a prostitute, I will do whatever you want £3, but you have to tell me what you want me to do using 3 words only" "Easy" replies the man as he takes out three £1 coins, slowly he says "Paint my house" |
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