Back in March of this year, we signed a contract with Nick at the Mansfield branch of Burchell Edwards, to use your company to sell our house.
This is possibly the worst decision we have ever made.
The twelve week ‘anniversary’ of handing in the contract at the branch passed last weekend, at which point I went into the branch to tell Nick that my patience had run out and I was going multi-agent. Given that even the simplest request cannot be met, as has been proved today, I am now considering withdrawing my house from sale with you entirely.
I suppose that the staff there have now completely given up on selling our house because of this, but to be frank, the level of service I’m receiving is no different than everything I’ve experienced since signing on with you.
Calls are never returned, questions are always deferred to someone else ‘as they know’ but are still not answered, the branch blames the regional office for mistakes whilst the regional office claims that the errors are made at the branch and the lack of pro-activity in selling the house is, well, astounding... but in the worst way possible.
Fortunately, as I’m used to dealing with those of a Teflon-shouldered nature, that appear to make up your rank and file, I have kept the vast majority of my communication with the branch as email, either to confirm a call or to give instruction, so I have a detailed catalogue of the utter disaster our house sale has been so far.
The latest in a long line of dismally incompetent failures, is the simple task of sending over our HIP report by email.
This was promised to be with me by Tuesday this week, it’s still not here and two calls to the branch today resulted in Ben first telling me that he would get Andy to call me and, when I called again as Andy had not called me, he told me he was just out of the door for an appointment. Which is fine... except I still don’t have the HIP report and no-one really cares...
As I said, this is the latest in a series of disappointments and broken promises that would make an awesome show on one of those “Homes from Hell” TV programs, or better yet, and possibly more appropriately, that great program on the BBC about cowboy traders. Please note my job title... we're based in Elstree studios so I could nip next door and sort it, it’s not beyond the realms of possibility!
Perhaps your staff are paid per client they sign on? It certainly feels like that as the most pro-active communication we had was in pushing us to sign the damn contract... and after that a bout of radio silence that would’ve made a stealth bomber blush. Maybe your employee incentive scheme is a new set of golden spurs per 10 customers signed? Not that I’m at all suggesting you have cowboys working for you... but maybe you could ask them if they know how to put up a For Sale sign? I’d love to see one outside our house... and surely 12 weeks has been long enough to read the manual on how to use a hammer?
I am more than happy to forward over all the correspondence I have had with the branch and Jess at the regional office. Personal highlights for me, and I’m sure you’ll love them too, would be the wonderful floor plan which omitted the bay-fronted aspect of the house, thus cutting the massive family bathroom down to a size suggesting it is usable by no more than one, very slim, dwarf at a time. Just when I thought this couldn’t be topped, there was the description when the house finally make it to RightMove where the dining room, downstairs cloakroom and wide drive, all good selling points, were left out of the details completely.
I was going to ask if you’ve ever heard of a four bedroom detached family home that didn’t have a dining room but after having dealt with the staff at the Mansfield branch for the last 3 months, I’m fairly sure they are from another planet, so it could be possible the concept of such a feature is as alien to them as they are to me.
One thing I must commend you on is your devotion to science and attempts to prove that theory of an infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters will eventually produce the works of Shakespeare. I’m just a little disappointed that you let all those monkeys loose on my property details, forcing me to re-write the entire thing... Sadly, my suggestion of updating the details on RightMove so that we no longer showed as having an “En-suite to Master Garage” only resulted in success after reminding your staff several times... but good luck with the Shakespear thing.
Anyway Michael, I hope you can see that despite your staffs’ best efforts, I’ve not lost my sense of humour and even though I’ve still yet to see a brochure of my house, (apparently that was my fault for delaying things by asking questions...), I’m still hopeful of shifting the house in what seems to be a market regaining confidence... something I’ve completely lost in your team.
Feel free to ignore this email or pass it onto a minion to deal with, but I would be more than happy to have a chat anytime about the above and much more.
Yours, still smiling despite it all,