more Jokes

[shiato storm]

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any instrument in the world.

He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him ... so he says he will wager £50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.

A guy walks up with a guitar and sits it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix. So the man pays his £50.

Another guy walks up with a trumpet, The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzy Gillespie. So the man pays his £50.

A third guy walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sets it down with a confused look.

"Ha!", the man says, "can't you play it?"

The octopus looks up at the man and says "Play it? I'm going to f*ck it as soon as I get its pajamas off."

***************************

Man goes into a bar with a duck under one arm and a biscuit tin under the other. "This duck can dance", he says. "Go on, then", says the landlord, "show us".

So the man put the duck on the biscuit tin, 50p in the juke box and the duck began to dance. So a crowd gathered and much beer was drunk. "What would you sell the duck for?" asked the landlord. "Just 500 quid", said the man. "And here's my phone number should you get any problems with him".

He leaves the duck in the bar and half an hour later the landlord rang him. "The duck's stopped dancing".

"You'll have to put another candle in the biscuit tin".

[shiato storm]

dug from the depths in response to this thread...A joke of extremely high quality.
post number 35 by ajbrun...
shamelessly pimped by mike_w

just so we all know who posted it here first. credit where credit's due

[mike_w]

Actually, I stole it from a friend at school! But when you hear a joke it's very rare that the credit should actually go to the person who says it.

[Spunkey]

surely it should be blame, not credit

[shiato storm]

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