10 Commandments of Uni

[5lab]

Student was searching for divine inspiration. Student walked high on the mountain of knowledge and came across God. Student asked God how to live life as a college kid should. And God said unto him, follow these Ten Commandments and you shall be all a college kid is. And Student thanked God and it was good. And Student spread the Ten Commandments of College to all.


I- Thou Shalt Nap
And God gave unto Student a great gift, the gift of napping. God said to him, You shall spend half your day napping. You shall nap in class, in your room and in your friend’s room. And God said, if you don’t nap, you will not be able to stay up all night drinking. And Student said, Nap I shall, and it was good.

II- Thou Shalt Get Sick All the Time
Now God said to Student, you must be sick all of the time. And student said why. And God said unto him, you shall share drinks, stay up too late, drink too much and make out with people you don’t know. Therefore, God said, you shall be sick all year round. But God said, blessed are the sick for they have partied the hardest. And it was good.

III- Thou Shalt Write Witty Away Messages
Student asked, but God, how will I show everyone that I am funny? And God said unto him, thou shall write witty away messages. God said to student, you shall never just say you are in the shower, you shall say you are getting wet and wild…in the shower. You shall never say you are at class, you shall say you are sleeping…in class. God said, if you do not write witty away messages, I shall smite you. Blessed are the funny, for they will get many girls to be their friends but never hook up with them. And it was good.

IV- Thou Shalt Wear a Hoodie
And then Student asked God, God how do I look like a college kid. And God said unto student, you must wear a hoodie, for it is a useful garment. And you shall never wash it either. Student asked God what kind of Hoodie should it be and God said, you shall own one with your school’s logo on it and you shall own many others of varying colors and creeds. And Student was pleased and God was pleased.

V- Thou Shalt **** a Lot
And Student asked of his bathroom habit and God told him, Student, you shall eat in the Cafeteria and you shall **** a lot. And it will not be good ****, it will be the **** of the devil for your ass shall burn for hours. Your school shall put laxatives in their food and you shall feel their pain. And Student began to weep, and God said unto him, Student, fear not the ****, for all your fellow students will be experiencing the same. And Student dried his eyes and thanked God and God told him to use wet naps to ease the pain.

VI- Thou Shalt Eat EasyMac
Student asked unto God if there was any alternatives to the cafeteria, and God said to him, you shall eat a lot of EasyMac. It is easy to make and you don’t need milk or a stove. And student said microwaves were forbidden by the RA. And God said to him, you shall hide the microwave under your bed with a towel on top. And Student asked, what if it is discovered. And God told him to stop being such a pussy, and it was good.

VII- Thou Shalt Hook Up
Student then asked of sex. And God said, Student, you shall hook up and be happy. You shall go home with random people every weekend and forget about them the next day. You shall see them at class and be awkward amongst their company. You shall exchange saliva at bars and parties and it will be good. And Student became gleeful and God told Student to wrap it up because He knows where she has been, but Student does not.

VIII- Thou Shalt Join a Club and Never Go to Meetings
Student inquired of his spare time and God reminded him that he should be napping. But Student said he wanted to do other things. So God said unto him, you shall join a club at the beginning of the semester, but then never go to meetings. And Student asked why he should not go to meetings, and God told him, because the glee club is gay. And Student understood His wisdom.

IX- Thou Shalt Wake Up Confused
God said to Student, there will come many a day when you shall wake up in the bed of another and not know where you are. You will not remember what you did last night and you shall be confused. You will see that you have nipple rings and a tattoo now and are covered in Sharpie. And Student was disturbed by this, but God said, you shall tell great stories about it to your friends someday. And Student understood and God took a sip of a beer.
And God gave Student the final Commandment

X- Thou Shalt Gain Weight
And Student wished to hear the final commandment and God said he would not like it. But Student insisted, so God said unto him, you shall gain weight. However, God said, you will not buy new clothes, so you will wear sweat pants a lot. God said, Student, you will watch a lot of TV and become fat to which Student wept profusely. But God comforted Student saying, you will still get ass even if you cannot tie your shoes anymore. Student felt better and God pointed to Student’s chest saying, those will soon be bitch tits. And it was good.

[Slick]

I- Thou Shalt Nap - Yeah this one's true, sleep when you can, especially as all the good things are happening at night

II- Thou Shalt Get Sick All the Time - lol this one's really true, there's ALLWAYS someone ill, normally more than one.

III- Thou Shalt Write Witty Away Messages - Can't say I've done this one

IV- Thou Shalt Wear a Hoodie - hmm, this might have been true a few years ago but not many people wear hoodies anymore, there is a uni one you can buy though that a few ppl wear

V- Thou Shalt **** a Lot - oh yes, v true unfortunately

VI- Thou Shalt Eat EasyMac - easywhat??

VII- Thou Shalt Hook Up - lol unfortunately some of us have gf's

VIII- Thou Shalt Join a Club and Never Go to Meetings - very true, I joined about 10 societies at the start of the year, most I have never been to any of their activities. I joined the gay and transexual society as well, even though I'm straight, I went to their rocky horror night though. I find I participate in activities of societies I'm not a member of quite a lot.

IX- Thou Shalt Wake Up Confused - every morning, where am I?? what happened last night??

X- Thou Shalt Gain Weight - yeah, except it can be counterballanced with all the walking, dancing etc and some excersize

Overall pretty accurate

[tiggerai]

Now that is good! And so accurate!

Long live studentism!

for EasyMac... read Supernoodles.

[Byatt]

not universally accurate, but pretty damn good all the same, nice find!

[shiato storm]

EasyMac - like easyjet but without going to the airport.
= loads of arguing to people [who work there but clearly have no idea HOW to work there] about what you paid for and ending up getting it much much later.

[Blub2k]

Originally Posted by Slick

VIII- I joined the gay and transexual society as well, even though I'm straight, I went to their rocky horror night though. I find I participate in activities of societies I'm not a member of quite a lot.

IX- Thou Shalt Wake Up Confused - every morning, where am I?? what happened last night??

ouch that could be painful when you mix the two of these

[Slick]

Originally Posted by Blub2k

ouch that could be painful when you mix the two of these

hmm yeah that could explain

Originally Posted by 5lab

V- Thou Shalt **** a Lot - your ass shall burn for hours.

[TommyP]

oh, those were the days

- actually I still do most of em....

[aeonf242]

Where is
Thy Shalt not bathe
Thy shalt pay for a 14p tin of savers beans with thy Switch card and get £10 cash back

[Rave]

Where's: Thy shall be depressed that everyone else is having more fun than you

Or was that just me?

Rich :¬)

[subucni]

and....

Thou shall leave all work until the last week of term.

[funnelhead]

The curses of uni

1) thou shalt probably be put in the only all male halls. ( if you are male) Which will smell of fart and bacon sarnies

2) Thou shall only realise how expensive sainsburys and constant drinking is when a cash machine swallows your card 2 weeks into term

3) The *rick above you will put a cheesy boy band single on full blast, repeat -1, ....... and then go home for the weekend to have his pants washed

4) there will only be one club you think is any good - and everyone else will insist on going to the others.

5) the dorm cleaners will catch you pissing in your sink

6) some prat will kick in the commanal kitchen / tv room / snap the ironing board / dunp in the stand-ups and thou shall not see one penny of your deposit ever again.

[Punky]

i know its an old thread, but i aint been on here for ages so i dont care
i'm living in a house with 3 uni students now (i'm at college) and the majority of that stuff is damn true. they pierced both my ears at about 2am Wed morning when i was absolutely w*nkered, all they do is drink beer and sleep and go to the loo. tis great!
peace