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Thread: Why do some people never say "thank you"?

  1. #17
    Admin Saracen's Avatar
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    Re: Why do some people never say "thank you"?

    The converse is, of course, true too. Some (many) people don't realise just how powerful a real, proper "thank you" is. I don't mean a superficial one, but giving someone a proper sense of appreciation, that, as the boss, you both notice their efforts and appreciate them. It's highly motivating to feel you're seen as valued, and any boss not using this is missing a trick. And by "using" it, I don't mean cynically using it as form of manipulation, because that, long term at least, will be seen though and resented. I mean any boss that is not thanking and appreciating staff when they deserve it is missing a critical tool in the management armoury.

    So it's not just that omitting to thank people annoys them, it's that a well-placed thanks works wonders for most people. Not doing it, therefore, is a double own goal, partly by winding people up, and partly by missing out on the goodwill you could have actively gained by doing it.

    I don't know Jay, but the way I read his opening post is that a thanks would have gone a long way, and that if that "critical" issue really was critical, some nominal gift, be it being taken for a pint or bought a bottle of scotch, or something would have left him feeling very different from how he does now .... and far more receptive to putting himself out again, if the need were to ever arise. It's not the gift, not the beer or booze, that counts .... it's the thought.
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    Re: Why do some people never say "thank you"?

    I've been thinking about this, in the light of other posts, and it also seems to me to be a general lack of respect or consideration from someone else's point of view. (I'm not just talking about HEXUS, although, sadly it does happen here).

    Its the attitude that "my opinion is the only one" and should anyone dare to disagree, stand by for some abuse. There is an ability to be able to consider someone else's point of view - even if you don't agree with it - and the response is then personal abuse.

    It is quite possible to disagree civilly with someone, backing it up with facts where necessary, without it degenerating into a slanging match. I don't know if as a society we are getting more intolerant, or we don't have time to stop and consider the alternative arguments, or maybe the art of debate and discussion isn't part of thye school curriculum anymore. Perhaps its the influence of the media, but it seems to me to be a bad thing because it inhibits the exploration of new ideas, and problem solving.

    It is something we occasionally see here as well - and it does conposters are prepared to admit that they might be mistaken.cern the mod/admin teams, because in its most extreme case it amounts to cyber-bullying - which isn't acceptable.

    As I say, it is relatively rare here, possibly because as a forum that attracts techniically minded people, there is a higher awarteness that there isn't always a 'right' answer, or that an opinion might be mistaken.

    And thats the way we would like to keep it!
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    Ridiculous Retard Dareos's Avatar
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    Re: Why do some people never say "thank you"?

    Quote Originally Posted by pollaxe View Post
    .* It was Jay Kay from Jamiroquai. So he's now forever on The List. Git.

    Is that the list of 5 celebrities you can sleep with without your other half getting upset?
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  5. #20
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    Re: Why do some people never say "thank you"?

    It's the same with people saying sorry.

    I find i have less issues up north with doors being held etc etc than down south...

    Sweeping generalisation i know, but it's my experience.

    I automatically check behind to see if someone is following me through, and it seems that i am in the minority...

    I have random moments of happy giving, like getting a £10 argos voucher for spending whatever amount, i wasn't going to use it so as i was walking back to my car, i spotted a guy parking up, waited for him to get out, asked him if he was buying something from Argos, which he looked confused about but said yes, and then gave him the £10 voucher to use. He wandered off with a bemused smile on his face, i wandered off no worse off having helped another member of the species...

    He might aswell have the use of it rather than most likely going to waste if it remained in my possession...
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    Re: Why do some people never say "thank you"?

    I do the same with parking tickets, when i have paid for 3 hours and came back early for some reason, i pass on the ticket to anyone parking close by.


    Sadly, can't do the same with the other type of parking tickets
    We're only here for the Banter - The Luvvies - Chewin' The Fat

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    Quote Originally Posted by this_is_gav View Post
    How do you change the height of them?

    I've just had a quick fiddle with the knob at the front :\

  7. #22
    Herr Doktor Oetker, ja!!! pollaxe's Avatar
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    Re: Why do some people never say "thank you"?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dareos View Post
    Is that the list of 5 celebrities you can sleep with without your other half getting upset?
    It's the (ever growing) list of people who are going into the vats once I become Galactic Emperor Pollaxe I.

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    Re: Why do some people never say "thank you"?

    Quote Originally Posted by pollaxe View Post
    It's the (ever growing) list of people who are going into the vats once I become Galactic Emperor Pollaxe I.
    ooh ooh, can i be evil henchman number 4 please?
    We're only here for the Banter - The Luvvies - Chewin' The Fat

    Violence and Lubrication is the solution to fixing everything, if it still doesn't work, you need more lubrication.

    Quote Originally Posted by this_is_gav View Post
    How do you change the height of them?

    I've just had a quick fiddle with the knob at the front :\

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    Re: Why do some people never say "thank you"?

    Quote Originally Posted by BEANFro Elite View Post
    Society's newly acquired false sense of entitlement.
    This!

    Everybody these days seems to know their rights but forgets their responsibities...I sound like a old school teacher but its true and the older you get the more you notice it.

    I try to say thanks to everyone who has helped me out or even just provided a decent level of service, whats sad is, it more and more, seems to shock the assistants in Asda, Tesco, Waitrose, etc...

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    Herr Doktor Oetker, ja!!! pollaxe's Avatar
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    Re: Why do some people never say "thank you"?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dareos;
    ooh ooh, can i be evil henchman number 4 please?
    Why certainly! I should warn you though, that initially you'll need to bring your own orange boiler suit. We are in an Age of Austerity, after all and underground bases beneath extinct volcanoes can get surprisingly dusty.

    Funding should improve once we hold a fete and a couple of bring and buy sales (and after we irradiate the world's supply of gold, of course.)

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    Admin Saracen's Avatar
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    Re: Why do some people never say "thank you"?

    Quote Originally Posted by TAKTAK View Post
    ....

    I find i have less issues up north with doors being held etc etc than down south ....
    I remember, several decades ago, while at University, holding a door open for the girl that was following me only to have her sail through and then call me a male chauvinist pig for doing so ..... so I told her that it was merely common courtesy and that, dressed as she was, "my mistake, I thought you were a bloke." One of my regrets in life is not having an instant replay on that minute of my life .... I'd have swung the door closed in her face so hard she'd have landed in the next county.
    Noli nothis permittere te terere.


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  13. #27
    Jay
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    Re: Why do some people never say "thank you"?

    well it was business critical really, a hosted exchange platform that is resold was broken (very very broken) and so they had a huge number of customers unable to access any of their mail. They had spent over 24 hours trying to fix it and they gave up so the MD of the company called me up in a panic and asked me if I could have a look at it. Once I got home from work I spent about 6 hours on it and got it sorted.

    We had been talking on MSN about it for a while but I noticed that he had decided to go to bed without even saying good night. I sent him a text saying it was sorted and he said "good, i'll look tomorrow" and that was that.
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    Re: Why do some people never say "thank you"?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jay View Post
    We had been talking on MSN about it for a while but I noticed that he had decided to go to bed without even saying good night. I sent him a text saying it was sorted and he said "good, i'll look tomorrow" and that was that.
    Maybe he's one of those guys who likes to check that everything is in order before sending this thanks (it's annoying and he could've at least said something first to appreciate your effort). If he doesn't then he is a bit of a prick to be honest but I think it's still the majority that would thank you with at least a token gesture rather than the minority. Or have I just been around particularly nice people?
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    Re: Why do some people never say "thank you"?

    Quote Originally Posted by peterb View Post
    Yes - seems to be on the increase. And (I hate to say it) it happens on HEXUS - there is a thanks button but a lot of people don't seem to use it (it needs 25 posts before it appears). I would add that this doesn't apply to any of tghe posters in this thread!
    Till now Sorry, but if when I want to say thanks, I prefer to just type it out than click a button. I acknowledge that there are some advantages to the thanks system, namely that it doesn't 'unnecessarily' bump a thread. Unfortunately I also (wrongfully or otherwise) associate the thanks system to a 'Rep system' seen elsewhere. I certainly do not want it to be a 'badge of honour' used to differentiate 'helpful' members from 'non-helpful' ones. Because for a start, I feel that it is sometime used to agree with someone's opinion, rather than a thanks for actually being helpful. Secondly, because I want to focus more on what people say, rather than what I consider superfluous criteria such as number of posts, join dates, and.. other measurements like thanks/'levels'/reps. Thankfully, it rarely ever in this forum, but I loathe it when a debate degenerate into the more 'senior' member using his 'position' through any of those criteria as leverage. Still, out of habit I just refuse to join the 'system' (and note that I do without sig or personalised title, on all but one forum). Sorry again if it does offend, but then again, I don't think it should. I would post the same way with or without incremental thank counts.

    And I am saying this as someone who's been drilled 'thank you' since a very young age. I thank the bus driver, the supermarket cashier, the person who hold the door, the waiter I just tipped and even the cold caller (before telling him that I am not interested).

    I am also with TAKTAK with the lack of 'Sorry' being a pet peeve of mine (probably a bigger one than a lack of thanks). Oh BTW, thanks for offering a ride if I get stuck getting to the skydive site. Haven't replied yet because it's still a couple weeks away and I hope it won't come down to that, but if it actually does, you've got a pub meal on me as thanks
    Last edited by TooNice; 09-08-2010 at 12:05 AM.

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    stormrazer razer121's Avatar
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    Re: Why do some people never say "thank you"?

    Quote Originally Posted by TooNice View Post
    And I am saying this as someone who's been drilled 'thank you' since a very young age. I thank the bus driver, the supermarket cashier, the person who hold the door, the waiter I just tipped and even the cold caller (before telling him that I am not interested).
    Well that explains why you have called yourself "TooNice" that aside, you do have a very good point about the thanks system, i use it but tend to say thanks in my post aswell.

  17. #31
    I R Toff Pandi! TAKTAK's Avatar
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    Re: Why do some people never say "thank you"?

    Quote Originally Posted by TooNice View Post
    Because for a start, I feel that it is sometime used to agree with someone's opinion, rather than a thanks for actually being helpful.
    Example Saracen: Thanked 1,046 Times in 712 Posts all for being helpful and fully deserved.

    << Thanked 906 Times in 675 Posts for hardly being helpful at all...

    Recent examples being:

    Wait till you see the two topless strippers...
    *Cough* "Special" brownies.... *Cough*
    "Wanna come back to my place and prod buttock?"
    Can you change the swear filter to put "diddly" in the place of words, rather than "****"?
    And last but lot least
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  19. #32
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    Re: Why do some people never say "thank you"?

    Quote Originally Posted by Saracen View Post
    I remember, several decades ago, while at University, holding a door open for the girl that was following me only to have her sail through and then call me a male chauvinist pig for doing so ..... so I told her that it was merely common courtesy and that, dressed as she was, "my mistake, I thought you were a bloke." One of my regrets in life is not having an instant reply on that minute of my life .... I'd have swung the door closed in her face so hard she'd have landed in the next county.
    I did that the other week and got called a pervert. The reply I gave her was fantastic though "one look at you and its enough to turn any man gay" She had a gob on her like a rubber duck after.

    The reverse of that was I did the same thing for someone else and was called a gentleman so it seems some people appreciate it and others think you've got a hidden agenda because you did something nice for them.

    I could go round and act like a total donkey but I refuse to do that, why should I act like a donkey, it takes more effort to be like that.

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