There are 10 cycling laws in the Highway Code:
1. Your cycle MUST have white front and red rear lights lit at night. Yes, that includes YOU students.
2. Your cycle MUST also be fitted with a red rear reflector and amber pedal reflectors, if manufactured after 1/10/85. If the amber pedal reflectors won't fit your new, post 1/10/85 pedals, don't worry, Mr Plod doesn't.
3. You MUST keep to the side intended for cyclists when using segregated cycle tracks as the pedestrian side remains a pavement or footpath. Unless your side is full of meandering pedestrians that is, in which case make it up as you go along.
4. You MUST NOT cycle on a pavement. Even if you are in a leafy, deserted suburb as we have CCTV and we will get you.
5. You MUST NOT carry a passenger unless your cycle has been built or adapted to carry one. This clearly applies to wimmins bikes only as they don't have a crossbar.
6. You MUST NOT hold onto a moving vehicle or trailer. Your bike is a moving vehicle, stop holding on to it dumbass.
7. You MUST NOT ride in a dangerous, careless or inconsiderate manner. Ve vill decide vot zis means ven ve haf choosing to prozecute you. Ze punishment when you are found guilty (and you will be) vill be dangerous, careless and inconsiderate.
8. You MUST NOT ride when under the influence of drink or drugs, including medicine. Had aspirin, a fag or a coke? Go by bus (you may however. still dress in your lycra gear for the amusement of your fellow passengers).
9. You MUST NOT cross the stop line when the traffic lights are red. Sez who? If it's good enough for the Prime Minister it's good enough for everyone.
10.You MUST NOT cross at a cycle-only crossing until the green cycle symbol is showing. When it is showing though, you can mow down all those liddle kiddies who don't know the goddam rules. And serves 'em right.
The Code offers more non-compulsory advice but You DON'T have to wear a helmet; you DON'T have to have a bell and you DON'T have to use cycle lanes.
You live and learn.