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Thread: The Real 10 Commandments (cycling)

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    ho! ho! ho! mofo santa claus's Avatar
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    The Real 10 Commandments (cycling)

    There are 10 cycling laws in the Highway Code:

    1. Your cycle MUST have white front and red rear lights lit at night. Yes, that includes YOU students.

    2. Your cycle MUST also be fitted with a red rear reflector and amber pedal reflectors, if manufactured after 1/10/85. If the amber pedal reflectors won't fit your new, post 1/10/85 pedals, don't worry, Mr Plod doesn't.

    3. You MUST keep to the side intended for cyclists when using segregated cycle tracks as the pedestrian side remains a pavement or footpath. Unless your side is full of meandering pedestrians that is, in which case make it up as you go along.

    4. You MUST NOT cycle on a pavement. Even if you are in a leafy, deserted suburb as we have CCTV and we will get you.

    5. You MUST NOT carry a passenger unless your cycle has been built or adapted to carry one. This clearly applies to wimmins bikes only as they don't have a crossbar.

    6. You MUST NOT hold onto a moving vehicle or trailer. Your bike is a moving vehicle, stop holding on to it dumbass.

    7. You MUST NOT ride in a dangerous, careless or inconsiderate manner. Ve vill decide vot zis means ven ve haf choosing to prozecute you. Ze punishment when you are found guilty (and you will be) vill be dangerous, careless and inconsiderate.

    8. You MUST NOT ride when under the influence of drink or drugs, including medicine. Had aspirin, a fag or a coke? Go by bus (you may however. still dress in your lycra gear for the amusement of your fellow passengers).

    9. You MUST NOT cross the stop line when the traffic lights are red. Sez who? If it's good enough for the Prime Minister it's good enough for everyone.

    10.You MUST NOT cross at a cycle-only crossing until the green cycle symbol is showing. When it is showing though, you can mow down all those liddle kiddies who don't know the goddam rules. And serves 'em right.

    The Code offers more non-compulsory advice but You DON'T have to wear a helmet; you DON'T have to have a bell and you DON'T have to use cycle lanes.

    You live and learn.

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    Re: The Real 10 Commandments (cycling)

    Quote Originally Posted by santa claus View Post
    8. You MUST NOT ride when under the influence of drink or drugs
    ahhh memories
    Quote Originally Posted by Ephesians
    Do not be drunk with wine, which will ruin you, but be filled with the Spirit
    Vodka

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    ho! ho! ho! mofo santa claus's Avatar
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    Re: The Real 10 Commandments (cycling)

    Quote Originally Posted by madduckuk View Post
    Ahhh memories
    You do realise a fag is a cigarette and not ....

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    Re: The Real 10 Commandments (cycling)

    Quote Originally Posted by santa claus View Post
    You do realise a fag is a cigarette and not ....
    well this sounds like an interesting story.. why don't you tell us what happened
    Quote Originally Posted by Ephesians
    Do not be drunk with wine, which will ruin you, but be filled with the Spirit
    Vodka

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    Re: The Real 10 Commandments (cycling)

    Quote Originally Posted by santa claus View Post

    2. Your cycle MUST also be fitted with a red rear reflector and amber pedal reflectors, if manufactured after 1/10/85. If the amber pedal reflectors won't fit your new, post 1/10/85 pedals, don't worry, Mr Plod doesn't.


    Not entirely true - it only has to be SUPPLIED with them. Same goes for the bell - don't have to have one attached, but the bike must be supplied with it attached.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Quentos
    "My udder is growing. Quick pass me the parsely sauce." Said Oliver.

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    Re: The Real 10 Commandments (cycling)

    To keep your other passengers amused.
    http://www.foska.com/wallace-and-gro...ng-jersey.html
    Society's to blame,
    Or possibly Atari.

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    Re: The Real 10 Commandments (cycling)

    Quote Originally Posted by Tumble View Post
    Not entirely true - it only has to be SUPPLIED with them. Same goes for the bell - don't have to have one attached, but the bike must be supplied with it attached.

    I distinctly remember being gutten when i bought my Norco Downhill bike as it had no Bell i was devastated. I think in the end that was the fundemental reason as to why i got rid of it.

    I wanted to ride through the woods at high speed with the wind blowing the pink ribbons on the end of the handlebars ringing the bell and making fake motorcycle sounds


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    Re: The Real 10 Commandments (cycling)

    Quote Originally Posted by Tumble View Post
    Not entirely true - it only has to be SUPPLIED with them. Same goes for the bell - don't have to have one attached, but the bike must be supplied with it attached.
    what bike? i have never bought a bike that had some bell attached, should they have? is this a new thing? does an Orange 224 really come with a bell now?!
    Quote Originally Posted by Ephesians
    Do not be drunk with wine, which will ruin you, but be filled with the Spirit
    Vodka

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    Re: The Real 10 Commandments (cycling)

    11 you MUST own a very power front light that is unregulated by law and will blind anyone driving a sportscar

    12 you MUST scrape down the side of expensive cars then ride off into the distance (giving the finger is optional)

    13 you MUST use paths as the road and expect all pedestrians to get out of your way

    and the mort important.. the one commandment

    1 you MUST NOT adhere to the highway code at any-time.

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    Re: The Real 10 Commandments (cycling)

    Quote Originally Posted by MadduckUK View Post
    well this sounds like an interesting story.. why don't you tell us what happened
    I was riding through Clapham Common when a nude former MP exposed....oh, nah forget it, it's not a very good story....

    Quote Originally Posted by abaxas View Post
    11 you MUST own a very power front light that is unregulated by law and will blind anyone driving a sportscar

    12 you MUST scrape down the side of expensive cars then ride off into the distance (giving the finger is optional)

    13 you MUST use paths as the road and expect all pedestrians to get out of your way

    and the mort important.. the one commandment

    1 you MUST NOT adhere to the highway code at any-time.
    Well, we'd already done variations in riding technique in another thread so I though it was only fair to record the actual law as in the Highway Code. The Code was evidently written by some desk-bound, lard-arse, pen-pusher and of course it should be ignored.

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    Re: The Real 10 Commandments (cycling)

    Quote Originally Posted by santa claus View Post
    There are 10 cycling laws in the Highway Code:

    1. Your cycle MUST have white front and red rear lights lit at night. Yes, that includes YOU students.

    None of that flashing light crap either, solid beam only as the main one
    H3XU5 Social FAQ
    Quote Originally Posted by tiggerai View Post
    I do like a bit of hot crumpet

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    Re: The Real 10 Commandments (cycling)

    Interestingly pretty much every set of LED bike lights you can buy now comes with a tiny little small print somewhere that says "when riding at night these lights must be used in conjunction with a set of lights meet BSxxxx" - whatever the standard is for proper bike lights. I did an extensive search of several specialist bike shops *and* a couple of general hardware stores, and I could not find a single set of bike lights that met the aforementioned British Standard

    The bike paths thing annoys the hell out of me: the things are very clearly marked, but as far as I can tell everyone *but* cyclists think that "bike path" means "free-for-all". It's little wonder that I generally avoid bike paths like the plague (much rather bike on the road, where at least I *know* that all the car drivers want to kill me )...

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    Re: The Real 10 Commandments (cycling)

    The reason for my hatred of cyclist is I often have to drive on the Coast to Coast route.

    I believe that everyone should have respect for other road users. I drive a little elise so always give them loads of room, slow down for horses, then have my fun later.

    The cyclists are a bunch of evil nazi freckers who believe they have some god right to do whatever they like.

    Have some respect or freck off.

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    Re: The Real 10 Commandments (cycling)

    Quote Originally Posted by abaxas View Post
    Have some respect or freck off.
    Works both ways. I am pretty much the most respectful cyclist I know (which I think comes of being both a cyclist and a driver - I know what my rights *and* responsibilties are), but do I *ever* get shown an ounce of respect by a motorist? I have at least one non-fault near miss every day biking to work because someone does something utterly numptyish.

    While most cyclists may not be fault-free in their road use, they are no worse than most motorists.

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    Re: The Real 10 Commandments (cycling)

    Quote Originally Posted by abaxas View Post
    The reason for my hatred of cyclist is I often have to drive on the Coast to Coast route.

    I believe that everyone should have respect for other road users. I drive a little elise so always give them loads of room, slow down for horses, then have my fun later.

    The cyclists are a bunch of evil nazi freckers who believe they have some god right to do whatever they like.

    Have some respect or freck off.
    I'm afraid hatred begats hatred in return. What is it that cyclists do that makes you so hate them? Do they ride on the road and get in your way damn them? Perhaps they don't see you in your teensy-weensy sporty car?

    Like scaryjim, I drive, ride a bike and a motorcycle so I have pretty good all round road sense but every day I use my pushbike someone does something very stupid.

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    Re: The Real 10 Commandments (cycling)

    The thing is so far this month I've seen one bad cyclist. Just one.

    They had no lights, dressed in dark cloathing overtaking queueing traffic, I only saw them at the last minuite (luckily I was obeying the road laws so had little problem). I was unlikely to die, he on the otherhand.....

    I've had issues with drivers recently that their bad actions endager me. A taxi driver pushing me into the side of the road because he wanted to overtake when he didn't have enough space, this was infuriating as I couldn't cycle in the gutter due to the pot holes and road surface been crap in Dalston, so I had little choice but to stop, to let him overtake me, or I could have been nocked off my bike.
    throw new ArgumentException (String, String, Exception)

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