Would you tell?

[kickstart 1]

If you found out that your friend (male/female)was having an affair , would you tell their other half? What would you do about it ? and how would you go about it ?

[Stewart]

Depends. If I found out one of my mates was seeing another bird, obviously I'd not say anything.

If a female friend of mine was being cheated on and I thought she might get hurt, I might approach the subject.

Tricky one though, you are playing with fire.

[ACiD303]

it really depends on the relationship you have with the other half, how long they've been together, are they serious - though in the end it's almost a no win situation, you tell they get hurt, you don't tell and they find out you knew, they get hurt.

Sometimes people have affairs and realise their mistake. But thats up to themselves to confess I think.

There's no black and white answer but in the end, I'd do my best not to poke around in other people's affairs - some people are actually happier not knowing.

[Digerati]

This has happened to me in the past and both times were so awkward as I was friends with both of them.

I wouldn't go behind a mates back to tell their other half that they are being cheated on but I would say to my mate "look fella, this is wrong. If you have problems in the relationship then talk to your girlfriend about. If there are still issues then its an obvious time to end it".

But I'd leave it up to them to make the decision and sort their relationship rather then doing it for them.

But then on the other hand I'd want to be told if my other half was cheating on me... So that doesn't really make much sense.

[chrestomanci]

Is this just a hypothetical question, or do you know about a friend who is cheating/being cheated on?

Is the cheating a one off or an on-going thing? I think most people whould prefer not to know that their other half had a one night stand with someone last year.

On the otherhand if it is an ongoing thing you have more of a problem. Is the cheater likely to stop if let them know that they have been found out?

[kickstart 1]

We are talking friends of over 30 yrs here, and although i wont get inbetween them, i have said to the "one" sort out your problems first , then either move on or stop .Just wondered what other folk would have done in same situation.

[GeorgeTuk]

I think its best to stay away, if the adulterer is a friend of yours just let him know you don't really approve or like it. These things are best sorted out between the two people involved, quite often the messenger will be shot! (OK not literally but you know what i mean).

[Knoxville]

Well it really does depend alot on the relationship not only between them but between you and them but as a general rule when I've been in a situation like that I've confronted the person cheating first.

[Rob_B]

Anonymous note/text/call, works a treat! They shouldn't be cheating in the first place!

[kickstart 1]

Just out of interest ..and nothing to do with this subject , is it possible to send an anonymous txt ?.Or are you talking just changing a sim card to do it ?

[MadduckUK]

decision = made

[chrestomanci]

Skype, yahoo etc will let you send texts, and you can probably put the from address as anything you like. Or register a new account under a screen name your recipent won't know.

Alternatively just borrow a mobile from a college at work and tell them not to answer if your cheater calls back.

[Rob_B]

buy a cheap sim from ebay, use the free credit (voda still give £1 yeah?) & bin when you've had your fun!

[Steven W]

ooh, it's like an episode of Hollyoaks.

It's none of my business I wouldn't say anything, but maybe I might frame them in some sort of unscrupulous way.

[Mike Fishcake]

Hang on there... I think the anonymous thing is very creepy and dosen't really do anything to fix the situation.

They need someone whose opinion that they respect to convince them that what they're doing is wrong - not some message from an unknown person who for all they know could be a potential psycho stalker. It could be seen as threatening behaviour and actually make the cheater less open to talking about it properly. If you're going to confront them about it, do it to their face.

Like a few other people have said, it's not always a clear cut situation... I know two people who were "technically" cheating on their partners but one of them had an abusive husband, and the marriage of the other one had been as good as over for years anyway.

(and what a topic to have for my 2,000th post )

[kickstart 1]

"IF" you had read what i put properly, i was just curious to know if you could send anonymous txts, I would have no intention of doing that to either of my friends ..otherwise what sort of friend would i be? ..I was just curious ,(no i'm neither a stalker or creepy ), i was just asking a question ,to which i didnt know the answer!