Its a world without sproggs - An experience without feeling.

[MD]

Its been a while since I posted my rambling thoughts on the hallowed pages of HEXUS.net, of course you get the usual mutterings and the odd competition involving lots of tasty kit. But the time in upon us, it is Christmas soon after all.

Having a niece who's birthday falls on Christmas Eve is really unfair, I always make a conscience effort to get the little one presents that are separate for her birthday and Christmas day, but there is a problem, I despise shopping. Its not so much the spending money, well actually thats a lie, I am tighter that the lid of a frozen bottle of coke, I love spending money, but I regret it as soon as I have.

To aid this condition I seem to have inherited since I had mountains of debts 4 years ago I tend to go shopping when I know its busy, usually on a Saturday where the screaming kids and the ragged parents are storming around making my pure existence there a misery. Its great, it saves me money, but at the same time it reminds me that I should live in the country, miles from anywhere.

So, very much like last year, I sit at my PC, wondering what to get everyone, after shooting off emails to the family I get shopping, in come the ideas and I set about plastic flexing of the highest order.

Online shopping is too easy though, it really is, in 25 minutes I shopped for 75% of the family, great you might think, but it is just such a sterile way to do your shopping, oddly I really missed the handing over the card and typing in a few digits to prove I am who I say I am, it just felt too simple and painless. I sit back in my chair and wonder what I am going to do with the rest of my day, then I remember I should have some money coming in, so I fire up the bank account online and view my wealth, its painful, infact its down right depressing, I have bought all this stuff and the money has gone and I see nothing, I have to wait for the postman, whos going to swear profusely at me for the size of my package (I wish...).

Something tells me that this is why we rush out on shopping trips, be it the mass of chaos that is Cribbs Causeway in Bristol or the truely sadistic Birmingham City Center on a Saturday, a part of me wants to do it, its not that I'm mad, its not that im lonely, its just that I want to be able to shop how I want to shop and feel like I actually have value for money, right here and right now.

If you do anything this Christmas, buy from the little guy, the specialist, I have they found me some wine I spent ages looking for, and I was proud of the fact I support those fighting for the shopping experience that online sites lack.

If only the interweb was a much more touchy feely shopping experience, as it is, its the couriers and the royal mail who have the last laugh, as you sit there, patiently awaiting that package containing the electric shock pen and the rude reindeer delivering you your next fix of jelly beans.....

I like to go to the mall and eyeball the smoking hot ladies, but the overall experience is thwarted by the aimless wandering of people. They walk slowly and without purpose, impeding my progress through the mall. There are other annoyances. For example, I had an uncontrollable urge to kill the model standing in front of Abercrombie and Fitch with no shirt as he said, "hello" to me with a bicurious tone (ok, the tone was neutral, but the absense of his shirt said otherwise). I was not offended by the hot saleswoman from Victoria's Secret spraying perfume on me, but if she was ugly, I would have wanted to kill her too. Son, I realize you are 16 years old, but why do you think that you can ride your skateboard in the mall? I have a skateboard. I carve up the streets and parking garages during low traffic times.

Yes, online shopping is simple and painless. Amazon, here I come.