Indiana Jones and the Waste of Money

[Nick]

Right, I'm a long time Indie fan, loved the whole series from Raiders through to Last Crusade, so when I first heard about a fourth Indie film is was pretty happy... but then, having seen how old Harrison Ford is, I was also pretty dubious that he'd still be able to make an action film to the level that we've come to expect from Indiana Jones.

And guess what? Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull falls way, way short of any of the previous films.

Without revealing any of the ludicrous plot, here's a quick run down of what, to my mind, are the films main flaws:

The pacing, frankly, is so slow you have to wonder if Spielberg wasn't on serious amounts of Valium. Right from the start the whole film just drags... the action sequences in particular aren't anywhere near the fast paced non-stop stuff we've come to expect from and Indiana Jones film, let alone anything more recent.

One example is the car chase through the jungle, which one hopes will be akin to the superb truck fight in Raiders or the tank/truck/horse sequence in Last Crusade, but there's less fists thrown here than at a CND love-in... and the set-up for the very brief set pieces is so obvious that you can guess what's going to happen way before the film eventually gets to showing you.

Speaking of getting to the point ahead of the film, I guessed the ending within the first five minutes, as anyone with half a brain will too. The entire film is littered with supposed 'hints' but Spielberg sure as hell isn't M. Night Shyamalan... so his plot devices stick out like a pork chop at a bar mitzvah. And worse than that, they're often only in the movie to justify some bit later on... such as Shia LaBeouf's character, despite being a prep-school drop-out moulding himself as James Dean, he still mastered fencing... a fact we're told early on, and then of course he puts his skills to use against Kate Blanchett's evil Irina Spalko.

Actually, I say Spalko is evil, purely because she's not on Indie's side, so she must be the baddie, but I've not seen a more two-dimensional baddie outside of a Disney cartoon. Even her musclebound henchman comes across as being no worse than any office worker with a Sunday morning hangover... and of course they all meet a gruesome, unfortunate demise.

Indie himself is well, less like Indie than River Phoenix's portrayal of a young Indie in Last Crusade... he just sounds tired and old, besides looking tired and old. And Karen Allen, who is easily recognisable in her reprise as Marion from Raiders, is showing her age too...

The music score is at best non-existent and at worst, which is most of the time, completely unsuitable to what little action is taking place on the screen. Where's the score timed perfectly to match the horse's hoofs as it prances down the hill in Last Crusade? Where's the stirring the march as Indie pulls on his last reserves to finish the job? We all know music in a film sequence makes the scene all the more exciting, but Spielberg has missed all of that this time around. He might as well have had Blue Danube playing most of the time.. perhaps he even did... as time sure as hell seemed to take a long time to pass as Blanchett and LaBeouf laboriously swung swords.

I'm left wondering if Spielberg was thinking that Indie fans might be slipping into the same old age that is claiming Harrsion Ford and perhaps we're not as able to keep up with the pace of a fast action film... and maybe we can't always figure out plots as well as we used to? It certainly seems that way as Indie, (both the character AND the film) plodded along to an unsurprising and completely unbelievable 'climax'. Throughout the entire film we're spoon-fed information, just in case we hadn't sussed it... and in case THAT fails, we're normally shown what's coming up as well, just to be on the safe side... watch the car chase sequence along the cliff, you'll see what I mean.

To be fair to Spielberg, the crappy editing might've thrown a few slow-witted viewers off the plot for perhaps 30 seconds or so, but with this many holes in the plot and the heavy smattering of stupidly obvious plot devices, it's hard to see how anyone can have been wondering what was going on, other than where the hell an entertaining Indiana Jones film had gone... and no, I haven't figured out why they run through a bunch of cogs crushing the stairs whilst water pours down... or why a savage tribe entombs itself in ancient statues which handily crumble when they want to attack... or how Ray Winstone can't walk even though nothing in the room is being dragged into the void...

In short, having just taken the family to see this, I've certainly wasted my £28.... I'd probably even feel hard done by if I'd saved this for rental... but at least having seen it now, I won't waste my cash buying it on DVD. It was only the fact the popcorn and two drinks cost me a tenner that I didn't hurl them at the screen!

Indiana Jones will be a huge success, but only because of the reputation of the previous films... most people will come out and realise they've just seen a big fat turkey.

Sorry Indiana, but you should have listened to your father and let it go.

[mgh0]

Couldn't agree more.

I would add my own list of things missing:

Peril
Suspense
His Whip
Credible baddies (already covered by Nick)
Any sense that the film was going anywhere.

Furthermore Indiana Jones is not a superhero, he has always been a man relying on his wits, physical prowess and an enormous amount of luck to get by. Right, bearing that in mind. The Fridge. Enough said.

I want my 2 hours back!

[Nick]

Lol, yeah, I forgot the fridge...

How about the monkey swinging?

And thinking more about it, there's a complete lack of Indie moments such as shooting the swordsman in Raiders, appearing in silhouette to give the jailer a beating in Temple of Doom or motorbike jousting in Last Crusade...

[Hicks12]

i read just a part of your post nick just so i dont get to know how the film goes slightly, going to see it on tuesday and will post back with my verdict, loved the original ones but i do hope this is good imo.

[mgh0]

ah yes, the tarzan moment and his legion of monkey followers.

Not to mention the car driving off the cliff into a handy tree, and it surviving the waterfalls.

Indy always escapes by the skin of his teeth with plenty of battering and bruising, this new film he hardly breaks a sweat and its all effortless.

It genuinely upset me. Tarnishing my memories of the old trilogy like that.

[jackvdbuk]

we did 2000 tickets for indiana, all the 'crickets' give it negative reviews yet 2000 people in one day come to see it!

but then again theres nothing else on, sarah marshall and vegas are worth a watch if you must go cinemas

[BUFF]

people will always have different opinions - on another forum I have seen someone post that in his opinion it's the best of the lot.

[j.o.s.h.1408]

i saw it last nigth and its very good. cant see why your all upset. this movie is not meant to be a utter realistic movie. re watch the old indiana jones movies and there are some bits that are over the top.

you got to ask yourself this question. did you enjoy the movie? was it boring?

[malfunction]

I saw it last night and thought it was bloody awful on many levels. Wish I'd have gone to see Iron Man instead. And now I have to go and see the sex and the city film with the missus next week.

[Jay]

It is Really Bad.....!

[Nemeliza]

Saw it last night.

After the initial stupidities I thought to myself "The only way they could offend me any further is by ending up in a ......" low and behold.....

"Disappointed" just doesn't quite encompass it. I want my money back.

W.H.A.C.K!

[Nick]

Originally Posted by j.o.s.h.1408

you got to ask yourself this question. did you enjoy the movie? was it boring?

Nope.

Yep.

Old Indie films are much better paced, everything happens quicker and are, excepting Temple of Doom, on a much grander scale...

Sure, the subject matter of all the old films, like the Ark sucking everyone into the heavens, people ripping out living hearts of 1000 year old knights are still far fetched, but are far more believable in the context of the film... but a troop of monkeys following Mutt and attacking Russian soldiers? Or a fridge being blown miles from a nuclear explosion, bouncing dozens of times down a hillside? Come on...

And, ***SPOILER ALERT***

And these supposedly supposedly beneficial aliens, who, according to Oxley, taught us farming, irrigation and so on... why did they kill Spalko? Did they sense she was evil and give her a just comeuppance? Hardly on a par with choosing poorly when picking the Holy Grail, eh?

I could spend all day driving 747s through the holes in the story... and I note with some sadness that M. Night Shyamalan was offered the script to write but didn't... but even on an off day he would've produced something better than this.

So yep, waste of time and waste of money. Even the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles are better than this.

[j.o.s.h.1408]

M. Night Shyamalan wanted to write this? damm he should of! imo the movie is decent and i enjoyed it and never got bored at all. best indiana jones? nope. worset indiana? yes BUT thats because the first 3 where amazing and takes something special to beat that.

HOWEVER. have you guys seen the new mummy 3 with JET LI!!! The trailer looks awsome and i enjoyued the last 2 mummies. do you rate the mummy series and/or national treasure better then this movie?

[Knoxville]

Originally Posted by Nick

Nope.
And, ***SPOILER ALERT***
And these supposedly supposedly beneficial aliens, who, according to Oxley, taught us farming, irrigation and so on... why did they kill Spalko? Did they sense she was evil and give her a just comeuppance? Hardly on a par with choosing poorly when picking the Holy Grail, eh?

Why did the ark kill all the Nazi's? same karmic justice, different method. She asked for all it's knowledge, obviously human beings aren't up to the task of absorbing an entire alien races knowledge through the eyeballs, bad guy dead, plot tied up, job done.

The atomic blast escape and the monkey "incident" (that bit really did make me cringe) really did make it hard to suspend disbelief though even for a film as traditionally over the top as Indiana Jones. It falls down in the same places Temple of Doom did but I still like Temple of Doom despite its short comings and it was a damn sight more entertaining than National Treasure 2.

[zetsurin]

I saw this movie yesterday and thought it was mediocre. It was quite reminiscent of how Star Wars eps 1 - 3 felt the need to go overboard trying to link themselves in with the original trilogy. I thought plenty of stuff was corny in that way, for example the arc visible from the broken crate and the unnecessary reuniting with Marrion. As usual, I try to go back to the cinemas to enjoy a movie and leave feeling ripped off. Hopefully the one movie I go to the cinema next year will be better (tough luck). I saw Transformers last year and was well happy with that but I am not holding my breath for any further entertainment worthy of the crazy ticket prices they want to charge nowadays.

[mightymouse]

probably get slammed for posting this but i actually quite like it. well only because i am thinking that they are trying to pass the torch to a young indiana "mutt" jones but that's just what i thought. but of course i love the previous indiana jones way better. it did make $300 million at box office so i guess some of you guys were right that people only went cuz of the past