Married and then breaking up..

[Russ]

im in exactly the same position, got married July 2011, split up March 2012, her choice, since then she blows hot and cold and uses my daughter as a weapon against me to get what she wants. It has put me off relationships completely. As you said, i don't regret any of it, i loved her with all my heart, turned back on family for a while as she didn't get on with them, and that wasn't enough for her, for us there is no chance of reconciliation, she has shown her true colours, and maybe i rushed into a relationship, my 6 year one ended in the october and i was with my now wife in the november, i fell head over heels in love, moved 200 miles away from family and friends, and had some of the best days of my life with her. I have been graced with a daughter, who means so much to me i can't begin to put down in words. I can't say it gets easier, i have two emotions at the moment, eternal love for my daughter and family and seething hatred. I focussed that by joining a gym, you'd be surprised how many reps you can do when you are angry, its worth at least 2. So as a result, i am buying own house, with a room for my daughter to stay half the week, and I'm getting built like a Spartan Wrecking Machine Mk 3. All the advice i can give you is this, stay true to who you are, not to who anybody else wants you to be, and no matter what, spend every ounce of your energy on being the best dad you can for your children. If you are meant to be together you will be. best of luck

[BerZerk]

Hi Russ, I'm sorry to hear your side of the story. Firstly, my failure to her as a husband is apparent. I did not attend her when she needed me the most; failed to make her happy. I do not fully understand her needs. Since this had happened. I have realised what I actually had done wrong. I'm truthfully regretted it. The most important to a loving relationship is to understand her needs. As Emerson Eggerichs says, love and respect are tied.

Only time will tell, if we are getting back together. If it does, she will find out I’m not the same person she had known for 13 years. There are nothing more important to me in my life than the wife and the children. This is the true power of love.

ps. You have a point there too about you joining the gym. Getting out of the house, stop you from thinking too much, to relax your mind.
Yesterday, I have attended a BMW garage, and almost drive away a 3 series... Maybe shopping does helps you get thing over with?!

[pp05]

Shopping is a drug. I hope it works out for you man. Divorce is hard on the kids, too many people nowadays take the decision too lightly.

[doyll49]

Whatever you decide to do you will still have to get along with her for the kids sake. Been there done that. Married 10 years and another 10 dealing with her for the kids.

The breakup and first few years were the hardest time in my life. Was hard until the kids grew up. Now I never see or talk to their mother.

And the kids get the worst of it. All kids from broken families carry life long scars. Some heal, some just scab over to break open and bleed later in life.

[Andehh]

Sorry to hear it berzerk, I spent 4 years with my ex & had a child with her (unplanned) before she left me. Hurt like hell especially knowing I would be attached to her through our daughter for the rest of my life. The thought of giving money to someone who cheated on me then left me prior to everything happen left me angry as well.

3 years on I have a fantastic new girlfriend, a beautiful daughter and a very amicable relationship with her mother. There is always light at the end of the tunnel no matter how dark it all seems.

Try signing up to one of the internet dating sites. Gives you hope that there could be someone a few clicks away & you never know what messages you might receive. Always nice having a distraction as well!

[Lucio]

Having had a failed marriage, it's taken my nearly three years to get my life back into a shape where I'm happy with it.

I think the biggest lesson learnt is that a relationship does take two people to make work, and if you aren't able to communicate your thoughts and feelings with each other, then it's time to call it a day.

[BerZerk]

My wife is willing to listen to my side of story. But she can no accept the facts, what had happened.
I have moved out of the house and we both agreed until end of July. After that she will need to let me know of the outcome. For the sake of the children, and her. I have given up playing computer games. Do little thing in the house, that I'm not normally do. I'm having a completely different way of thinking before. It could be because of the age thingy. I have learnt from my mistakes and selfisness.

I'm taking professional councilling, to see what exact had gone wrong.

[Andehh]

Keep us updated mate, hexus can be a good place to vent and put your thoughts into writing!

[Russ]

My wife is willing to listen to my side of story. But she can no accept the facts, what had happened.
I have moved out of the house and we both agreed until end of July. After that she will need to let me know of the outcome. For the sake of the children, and her. I have given up playing computer games. Do little thing in the house, that I'm not normally do. I'm having a completely different way of thinking before. It could be because of the age thingy. I have learnt from my mistakes and selfisness.

I'm taking professional councilling, to see what exact had gone wrong.

you shouldnt have to give anything up. whats she giving up? maybe moderate your play to a couple hours a week or something?

[doyll49]

Without hearing both sides of the story I would not make any suggests or statements of what you should or shouldn't do to change.

I suggest you and your wife get marriage counseling

[BerZerk]

Can anyone actually understanding what women really think? If so, please share with us.

[Larkspeed]

It is a universal impossibility.

Men are just not supposed to understand women.

If we understood them there would be no challenge.

[nalaing]

It's so sad, we only have one life to live though so if it can be resolved try to resolve it, lower your pride if you love the person.