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The trouble with kids is that they're stupid, no matter how smart they are.
This is evident from the fact that, from a very early age, they think their parents are stupid.
And, from observations I've made of other people's kids, they seem never to change that opinion all the while their parents are alive (or afterwards, either).
And I know my own parents - rest in peace - were both very stupid.
Even closer to home, let's look at my No.1 son who recently had his 21st birthday and studies at London School of Economics.
In my expert opinion he is stupid. Just like my other two kids, in fact (and all three have worryingly high IQs*).
Proof?
I got up, wandered into the kitchen and found on one worksurface a small pile of plantains - the banana-like fruit used in many African and West Indian dishes - that I know he put there when he came in in the early hours of the morning.
How does that make No. 1 son stupid? Or prove that he thinks I'm stupid?
Well, it doesn't. What does, though, is the sign that he put in a prominent place ON the plantains.
This said,
Plantain (not bananas!)
THE note>>
But I've plotted my revenge and wait to see what his reaction will be in a few hours time to the following signs that I have put up around the house.
In the kitchen
On a bunch of bananas
Bananas (NOT plantains!)
On the ceiling
Ceiling (NOT floor!)
On the floor
Floor (NOT ceiling!)
On the door
Door (NOT window!)
On the window
Window (NOT door!)
On the kettle
Kettle (NOT teapot!)
On the teapot
Teapot (NOT kettle!)
On the oven
Oven (NOT fridge!)
On the fridge
Fridge (NOT oven!)
On the salt grinder
Salt (NOT pepper!)
On the pepper grinder
Pepper (NOT salt!)
On the CD unit
Radio/CD player (NOT TV set!)
In the dining room
On the dining table
Table (NOT chair!)
On all eight dining chairs
Chair (NOT table!)
In the living room
On the TV set
TV set (NOT radio/CD player!)
I've got a whole lot of Post-It Notes left, so would welcome any other suggested paired warning signs that might prevent a stupid person like me confusing any two household objects and which I can put up to save No.1 son the bother.
* I'd be the first to argue that all IQ tests actually test is how well you do IQ tests but knowing that the average IQ is 100 does seem to explain rather a lot of behaviour that would otherwise be inexplicable.
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Originally Posted by Bob Crabtree
