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Thread: Monday Humour

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    0iD
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    Monday Humour

    Onother old mouldy classic.

    A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
    The waitress asks them for their orders.

    The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich,"What's yours?"

    "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

    A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be £9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

    The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says,"A hamburger, fries and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

    Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

    This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.

    "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich.

    Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be £32.62."

    Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

    The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me sir, how do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

    "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

    My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

    "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

    "That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

    The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"



    The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say."
    [
    Quote Originally Posted by Blitzen
    When I say go, both walk in the opposite direction for 10 paces, draw handbags, then bitch-slap each other!

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    WEEEEEEEEEEEEE! MadduckUK's Avatar
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    Monday Humour = Oxymoron
    Quote Originally Posted by Ephesians
    Do not be drunk with wine, which will ruin you, but be filled with the Spirit
    Vodka

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    Two pieces of Tarmac are quietly drinking their pints in the local when a piece of red Tarmac enters the pub, buys a pint and sits down.

    One of the two original pieces of Tarmac gets all jittery and scared looking. His fellow Tarmac pal asks his "what's wrong with you then", "it's him in the corner" he responds, "he's a right cycle-path".....

    I'll really sorry but it's all I got

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    I shall never tire... BEANFro Elite's Avatar
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    sig removed by Zak33

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    Senior Member this_is_gav's Avatar
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    ...

    The best I can offer is a link to a picture of the Honda 2007 F1 car. Go laugh - http://www.hondaracingf1.com/images/.../4707_1280.jpg

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    WEEEEEEEEEEEEE! MadduckUK's Avatar
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    it looks like a blue car drove into the hulk
    Quote Originally Posted by Ephesians
    Do not be drunk with wine, which will ruin you, but be filled with the Spirit
    Vodka

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    Formerly known as Andehh Andeh13's Avatar
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    What do you call 1000 nuns in a store?


    A virgin mega store!

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    Hardcore Til I Die htid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andehh View Post
    What do you call 1000 nuns in a store?


    A virgin mega store!
    hahaha that one made me laugh!

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    Quote Originally Posted by this_is_gav View Post
    ...

    The best I can offer is a link to a picture of the Honda 2007 F1 car. Go laugh -
    Not bad!

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    radix lecti dave87's Avatar
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    On a completely random note, what the hell does www.myearthdream.com relate to?

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    WEEEEEEEEEEEEE! MadduckUK's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dave87 View Post
    On a completely random note, what the hell does www.myearthdream.com relate to?

    Hippies most likely
    Quote Originally Posted by Ephesians
    Do not be drunk with wine, which will ruin you, but be filled with the Spirit
    Vodka

  13. #13
    Flat cap, Whippets, Cave. Clunk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dave87 View Post
    On a completely random note, what the hell does www.myearthdream.com relate to?
    Darth Vader's latest venture.
    Quote Originally Posted by Blitzen View Post
    stupid betond belief.
    You owe it to yourself to click here really.

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    Hardcore Til I Die htid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dave87 View Post
    On a completely random note, what the hell does www.myearthdream.com relate to?
    I wondered that too. No clues on the site as of yet though.

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    Senior Member this_is_gav's Avatar
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    It's apparently going to be a site where people can add their support to Honda's cause, and those who do, will have an entire pixel going towards the livery of the car. Apparently.

    I just love the irony of them using their F1 car to promote green causes. F1 cars being one the single-most inefficient small-scale modes of movement possible.


    //edit: oops, there's a dedicated thread that's been created now, so I'll post this in that instead.
    Last edited by this_is_gav; 26-02-2007 at 05:36 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Clunk View Post
    Darth Vader's latest venture.
    That NSFW translator site on your sig is possibly the funniest thing I've seen on the internet. I had mucho laughs from even putting my own myspace site on that .

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