Accomodation issues...

Hey, just wondering if anyone has any ideas on how to cope with living in the same house after breaking up a relationship.

It's student rented accomodation which we share with 2 other guys and we both want to stay on in the house but I recently broke off our 10 month relationship because I'm still in love with someone else and it wasn't working, especially when I found out he was heading towards a marriage proposal :confused:

I'm currently home for the holidays but am going back in 2 weeks, and needless to say I think it will be a little stressful. Anyone been through this or got any ideas to help ease the problem, other than moving out? Any ideas would be gratefully received,

Thanks
x

Ouch.

Not good I'm afraid, unless you're both particularly good at burying feelings and just getting on with it.

Considering he was obvioulsy in deep, he's obviously going to be pretty upset, and this either comes out as pathetic, or resentful. Depending upon how sane he is, it could range from only slightly upsetting, to full blown psychotic behaviour. Being in such close proximity is just going to make matters worse.

Stay clear of each other as much as possible, spend as much time out of the house as possible, and don't do anything to give him the hint that you're interested in rekindling the relationship, no matter how lonely (or drunk) you're feeling.

Good luck.

A woman dumping a man because he wanted to get married and she didn't?

What is the world coming to?

As for the situation - Can open. Worms everywhere. :D

Sit down and have a proper talk with him? It always helps if someone knows exactly where they stand :)

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Originally Posted by Agent

Sit down and have a proper talk with him? It always helps if someone knows exactly where they stand :)

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That'll be the first thing you do. In honesty, one of you should move out, thats simply a not healthy way to live. How can either of you move on if your constantly remind each other? More to the point, I've seen this before, and 9/10 they dont move on...

Oh and for the record, it sounds like you could benefit from being single for a while, too!

As previously said, by the sounds of it, sit down and have a good long open honest chat, its gonna be hard but its gonna have to be done tbh.

What the guys said.

I wouldn't live on in the house, it's not good for anyone like that.

I've been in the same position... You'll need to to be mature about it and discuss it properly so that no-one gets screwed over (which could happen if you've signed a contract)

Difficult one that. Being single with your own place is definitely less complicated.

Thanks everyone, will look at moving out and have a discussion about it. Sorry to go on but has anyone got any ideas on getting over unrequited love which is the other problem here...

shagging someone else used to break that i still love them routine for me :)

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Originally Posted by GoNz0

shagging someone else used to break that i still love them routine for me :)

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Classy....



















but oh so true

How can you be sure it's love? I'm still not entirely sure if I've ever been in love and I've been in 2 pretty serious relationships. it feels like it at the time, but the longer time goes on the more you realise it might not have been.
but then I'm not sure I'm capable of it now, got screwed over pretty bad last time.

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Originally Posted by tiggerai

Classy....



















but oh so true

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:rockon2: but im married now so game over

Amazing, so far the advice here has actually been quite good!

First off, whats the house like, how big is it? If your rooms are near by / within sound distance. For me that was absolutely mental it was just driving me nuts (mostly because i wasn't getting any :(), luckily at the same time i'd been given some morphine to control some nerve damage from a survire electrocution i'd suffered that week, that took the edge of it.

The worst thing isn't going to be the fact your broken up, its if one of you is bored, whilst the other is out with friends etc. That is a great way to annoy the crap out of the other person, and stop proper communication.

Dated the person for 4 years and never felt anything like it. Tried other people, they did a good job but didn't work. Been separate for a year and am nowhere near getting over him. If it's not love i have no idea what love would be like cos this did and still does blow my mind.

House is big enough, 2 bathrooms, 4 bedrooms (doubles), lounge, kitchen, garden. Bedrooms are on different floors of the house and neither of us go out much with friends so hopefully won't upset the other person too much. 2 Tvs in the house so no need to be together too much. We both study different courses so once uni starts we'll be on different times anyway. Contracts have been signed until June, so moving out won't be a quick, simple process but can be done if things really aren't working out staying in the house together.

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Originally Posted by whisperer

Dated the person for 4 years and never felt anything like it. Tried other people, they did a good job but didn't work. Been separate for a year and am nowhere near getting over him. If it's not love i have no idea what love would be like cos this did and still does blow my mind.

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Can't help with that hun, but I guess you're still young... theres a long way to go yet. Things change very quickly!

how old are you (if you don't mind my asking)?

I've been told that i don't let people get close, so someone i've known for 5years (call it a quater of my life, the first 2 years don't count that much) states that i'll never let anyone get as close, because i'll be comparing them too the 5 year stage.

If its any consolation at least its a shared house, in that hopefully there wont be that many times, when its just you two in the house?

Its gonna be hard, but just be strong and try and think of the longer term picture. And again as has been said be very careful when either you or him are drunk. It would only make things a hundred times worse.

Im 21 now. spent from 16-20 together. you have a good point there, i just seem to be struggling to get over this so much more than anything else. It's driving me fairly mad. I still can't sleep at night, if I do i dream about it and wake up during the night too upset to go back to sleep.

The other 2 people in the house are doing the same course as him so it should work out that there's hardly any time when we'd be in the house, just the two of us.

Thank you everyone for your advice, it means a lot that people I've never met can give me more input than some of my friends I've spoken to about this, thank you all x

Living in the same house after a break-up.

It just isn't gonna happen. Your best option is to find another place or he moves out.

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Originally Posted by whisperer

Im 21 now. spent from 16-20 together. you have a good point there, i just seem to be struggling to get over this so much more than anything else. It's driving me fairly mad. I still can't sleep at night, if I do i dream about it and wake up during the night too upset to go back to sleep.

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Dont take this the wrong way, but have you thought about councilling? Some uni's have some good councillors. This could be connected to something else in your life... just a thought. Ofcourse, you might just be coming off the rebound after a while, but it certainly wouldnt hurt to get another well formed perspective on the matter?

you will do, I recently became single after a 2+year relationship yr11 (16) to this summer so after yr 13 (18). Although it was only 2 years it still hurt alot. Didnt have to see her every day though which is a bit different.

Just try and keep yourself occupied anything helps watching dvds going to the cinema etc etc. Take up a new hobby, just anything really.

oh and try and cut out your caffiene/any stimulents for the next few days cause then it might help you sleep better at night.

feel free to P.M with anything.

yup, Its hard to draw a line between adult/child, mature/immature.

But its probably fair to say you spent 80% of your mature life with him?

Your not going to get over it in a heart beat, and living with this person you've been going out with for a few months certainly isn't going to help things, but to be honest is probably the lesser of your worries. Don't try to messure people against him, you'll never let anyone get close otherwise. (now if i ever figure that one out i'd write a book)

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Originally Posted by TheAnimus

Don't try to messure people against him, you'll never let anyone get close otherwise. (now if i ever figure that one out i'd write a book)

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Try looking up acceptance ;-) I recently had this issue till I discovered that word in a psychological sense... not saying it'll cure much but netherless...

(I do love my ... today...)

doesn't Steve K live in Bristol...?

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Originally Posted by whisperer

Im 21 now. spent from 16-20 together. you have a good point there, i just seem to be struggling to get over this so much more than anything else. It's driving me fairly mad. I still can't sleep at night, if I do i dream about it and wake up during the night too upset to go back to sleep.

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Time's the only cure for that I'm afraid. Most people wouldn't be able to get over a four year relationship with someone they loved a lot in less than a year. Just stay single until you don't feel like that all the time, otherwise you're a) not helping yourself get over it, and b) not being fair to your next partner.

I also think you should move out. You might not care that much about the more recent boyfriend you're now living with (I have got this right, haven't I?) but I was once dumped by a girl I liked a lot, and it was months before I could see her around without my heart skipping a beat and a feeling of loss coming over me. Maybe he's made of sterner stuff than me, but if I were him it'd make me feel a whole lot worse seeing you around all the time. Put some ads up round the uni to see if you can find a taker for your room, and ask around all your friends to see if any of them might have a room for you. There always seemed to be people wanting to move in the middle of the year when I was at uni.

hey whisperer, hows it going?