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About LinkBacksthis was on the quotes widget on igoogle today
Made me laughThe word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
this was on the quotes widget on igoogle today
Made me laughThe word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
Sandbox
A class of five-year old schoolchildren return to the classroom after playing in the playground during their break time.
The teacher says to the first child 'hello Becky, what have you been doing this playtime?'
Becky replies ' I have been playing in the sand box'
'Very good' says the teacher 'if you can spell "sand" on the blackboard, I will give you a biscuit' Becky duly goes and writes 's a n d' on the blackboard.
'Very good' says the teacher and gives Becky a biscuit.
The teacher then says 'Freddie, what have you been doing in your playtime?'
Freddie replies 'playing with Becky in the sand box'
'Very good' says the teacher. 'If you can spell "box" on the blackboard, I will also give you a biscuit'
Freddie duly goes and writes 'b o x' on the blackboard.
'Very good' says the teacher and gives Freddie a biscuit.
Teacher then says 'Hello Mohammed, have you been playing in the sand box with Becky and Freddie?'
'No' replies Mohammed, 'I wanted to, but they would not let me. Every time I went near them they started throwing sand at me and calling me nasty names'
'Oh dear' says the teacher. 'That sounds like blatant racial discrimination to me - I tell you what, if you can spell "blatant racial discrimination" I will give you a biscuit'
British Earthquake....
Not often I send these types of things out but with the earthquake last
night it really makes you think...
With all the news on TV lately about the hurricanes that America is
experiencing, the typhoons in China, flooding in Switzerland and recent
mud slides in South America, we shouldn't forget that the UK has its
share of devastating natural disasters too.
Attached is a photo illustrating the damage caused to my home from the
earthquake that occurred last night.
It really makes you cherish what you have, and reminds us not to take
things for granted.
Do take care of yourself and be safe.
Q:- Whats the ideal weight for a mother in law?
A:- About 1.5kg including the urn
:|
Dave87 - just seen this post - very funny. Hope the clean-up isn't ongoing! Insurance job?
Whats the difference between harry Potters wand and a police truncion?
One is for cunning stunts....
Unfortunately it had to be, the chair was never the same again.Originally Posted by cotswoldcs
Arrested for laughing!
This is from an actual trial in the UK : A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.
When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on Account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing...... She had him arrested.
Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner.
His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant.. She sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'.
I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick'.
Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'
The case was dismissed!
I doubt this was actually true though...
oh how i wish it was
Dunlop have never advertised in such a way, or nor should they
Vodka
I know its a fake story!
Here is another:
The Pure Wife
There was a man who wanted a pure wife, so he started to attend church to find a woman. He met a gal who seemed nice so he took her home.
When they got there, he whips out his manhood and asks "What's this?"
She replies "A cock."
He thinks to himself that she is not pure enough. A couple of weeks later he meets another gal and soon takes her home. Again, he pulls out his manhood and asks the question.
She replies, "A cock".
He is angry because she seemed more pure than the first but.... A couple of weeks later he meets a gal who seems real pure. She won't go home with him for a long time but eventually he gets her to his house.
He whips it out and asks, "What is this?"
She giggles and says, "A pee-pee."
He thinks to himself that he has finally found his woman. They get married but after several months every time she sees his member she giggles and says, "That's your pee-pee."
He finally breaks down and says, "Look this is not a pee-pee, it is a cock."
She laughs and says "No it's not, A cock is nine inches long and black!"
Size - Does it matter?
A young man was so paranoid about the size of his little tool that he could never work up the courage to have sex.
Then one day he fell in love with a nurse.
One fine evening, they went back to her place. She put on some soft music and led him into the bedroom. Totally scared, he told her of his problem.
"Don't worry," She said. "I'm a nurse. I won't laugh." Blushing the man drops his trousers.
"It's OK," she said. "I've seen lots smaller than that."
"Really?" the relieved man asked.
She nodded. "Yes," she chuckled, "I used to work in the maternity unit."
a+ liked. kept me guessing till the last sentence (to both actually)
Vodka
Maybe this one is a bit too dodgy, but I'll let you guys decide and delete if inappropriate
Dating different types of women
WHITE WOMEN:
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
Third date: You get to make love but only in the missionary position.
IRISH WOMEN:
First Date: You both get blind drunk and make love
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and make love
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and make love
ITALIAN WOMEN:
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You make love, she wants to marry you & insists on a -carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of making love.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a Mistress.
JEWISH WOMEN:
First Date: You get terrific head.
Second Date: You get even more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.
CHINESE WOMEN:
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you've already realized nothing is ever going to happen.
INDIAN WOMEN:
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.
MEXICAN WOMEN:
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and make love in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's Boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.
ARAB WOMEN:
First Date: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire arab community finds out.
Second Date: You are shot dead!
Why Is Sex Like Riding A Bike?
1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.
2. Its best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory.
3. You can do it with no hands, but its best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.
4. Its easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience.
5. You can do it by yourself, but its usually not as much fun.
6. Its usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try.
7. Its best to have a soft place to land.
8. You don't need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it.
9. If you're with someone who is having trouble keeping up, its usually best to slow down and wait for them.
10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time.
11. Once you learn, you never forget how.
12. If you fall off get right back on.
13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.
14. Remember to signal before you change direction.
15. Make sure that you've got a firm grip.
16. Sometimes its nice to have a cushy seat.
17. Once you're over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way.
need to date more irish women, especially like they sound like (a female) there from the coors
edit: sorry dearest love you xxx
Vodka
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