The Well Dodgy Joke Thread

[sleepyhead]

A Texan, visiting Ireland



A Texan, visiting Ireland, goes into an Irish Pub, reaches in his pocket, and takes out 5 one-hundred dollar bills, places them in a stack on the bar and announces:

"I'm from Texas and I'll give $500 to any Irishman who can down 10 pints of Guinness without stopping!"

A general buzz emanates from the patrons. No one accepts the challenge, but the Texan notices that one Irishman gets up, passes by the Texan and exits the pub.

Since no one has accepted the challenge, the Texas pockets the stack of one-hundred dollar bills.

About 20 minutes passes and the Irishman re-enters the pub, walks up to the Texan and asks:

"Is the bet still on?"

"Sure", says the Texan, who reaches in his pocket and puts the stack of bills back on the bar.

The bar tender lines up 10 pints of Guinness on the bar and the Irishman proceeds to knock them back, one-after-another, without respite.

Astonished, the Texan hands the Irishman the $500, but says: "May I ask you a question?"

"Aye", replies the Irishman, "What is it?"

"Where did you go when you left the pub a while ago?"

"Why, I went to another pub to see if I could do it!" is the reply.

[kasavien]

That's a good one didn't expect the punchline

[sleepyhead]

A slightly dodgy joke...

A young woman had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.

Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, 'Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?'

'I was stung by a bee', she said.

'Where', he asked.

'Between the first and second hole', she replied.

He nodded knowingly and said, 'Then your stance is too wide.'

[tiggerai]

A slightly dodgy joke...

A young woman had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.

Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, 'Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?'

'I was stung by a bee', she said.

'Where', he asked.

'Between the first and second hole', she replied.

He nodded knowingly and said, 'Then your stance is too wide.'

Ok, almost spat my pear out all over my monitor!!! Good one.

[mediaboy]

Two nuns are sitting on a park bench when a naked man walks past.
One of the nuns has a stroke.

The other can't reach.

[Behemoth]

Time for a few more Nun jokes -

Two Nuns taking a bath together, one says to the other "Wears the soap ?"

The other replies "Yes it does a bit doesn't it ?"

Two Nuns out for a ride on a tandom, one says to the other

"I haven't come this way before"

The other Nun replies

"Yes it must be the coble stones dear"

Ok I'll get me coat.

[kasavien]

one of the funniest i've seen in a while! well since yesterday

[Dooms]

Great thread so far, only upto page 7 so sorry if these have already been told (or cross a line!)

A man walked into the bar and met his Friend

Man: "Your never going to believe the night I've had"

Friend: "Really what happened?"

Man: "Well I was taking a shortcut over the railway lines and I found a girl all tied up, I un-tied her and we had the best sex, every position! It was amazing!"

Friend: "Wow that sounds awesome, you get a BJ?"

Man: "Nah couldnt find the head"

[mediaboy]

A man walked into the bar and met his Friend....

Sick.. but funny...

[Whiternoise]

6.00: G-Had TV.
Morning prayers.

8.30: Talitubbies.
Talitubbies say "Eh-oh". Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher.

9.00: Shouts of Praise.
More prayers.

11.00: Jihad's Army.
The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels.

12.00: Ready, Steady, Jihad!
Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects.

12.30: Panoramadan.
The programme reports on America's attempts to take over the world.

13.30: Xena.
Modestly dressed housewife Xena stays at home and does some cooking.

14.00: Only Fools and Camels.
Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas.

14.30: Green Peter.
The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top appeal is revealed.

15.00: Madrasah Challenge.
Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain asks the questions. 'Starter for ten, no praying.'

15.30: I Love 629.
A look back at the events of the year, including the Prophet's entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols.

16.00: Question Time.
Members of the public face questions from political and religious leaders.

17.00: Koranation Street.
Deirdrie faces execution by stoning for adultery.

17.30: Middle-East Enders.
The entire cast is jailed for unislamic behaviour.

18.00: Holiday.
The team go on pilgrimage to Mecca. Again.

18.30: Top of the Prophets.
Will the Koran be No.1 for the 63,728th week running?

19.00: Who wants to be a Mujahadin?
Mahmoud Tarran asks the questions. Will contestants phone a mullah, go 'inshallah', or ask the Islamic council?

20.00: FILM: Shariah's Angels.
The three burkha-clad sleuths go undercover to expose an evil scheme to educate women.

21.30: Big Brother.
Who will be taken out of the house and executed this week?

22.30: Shahs in their Eyes.
More hopefuls imitate famous destroyers of the infidel.

23.30: They think it's Allah over.
Quiz culminating in the 'Don't feel the Mullah' round.

Midnight: When Imams Attack.
Amusing footage shot secretly in mosques. The filmers were also secretly shot.

00:.30: The West Bank Show.
Arts programme looking at anti-Israel graffiti art in the occupied territories.

01.30: Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer.

02.00: A book at bedtime.
The Koran. Again.

(Feel free to delete if it's a bit over the top, but to be fair, we rip into Christianity so much i don't think it should matter)

[kasavien]

21.30: Big Brother.
Who will be taken out of the house and executed this week?

Can we have a british version please with no winners

[mediaboy]

You want a british version? Don't ask much do you!

Good joke though whiternoise

[JK Ferret]

Can we have a british version please with no winners

We already do - all the contestants are losers already

[mediaboy]

Loser is far too nice a word. Think of a harsher one...

[kasavien]

We already do - all the contestants are losers already

Yeah but they aren't executed when they leave

[mediaboy]

Yeah but they aren't executed when they leave

More the pity really.. we could do without some of those in the celebrity version...