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About LinkBacksOne of my uncles has an invisible friend, and although he never really brings it up when he's at our house, I understand that he goes on about it constantly at work.
Mind you, he is a vicar.
One of my uncles has an invisible friend, and although he never really brings it up when he's at our house, I understand that he goes on about it constantly at work.
Mind you, he is a vicar.
Controversy!Originally Posted by Mblaster
85% of liverpudlian males enjoy sex in the shower
The other 15% haven't been to prison yet
What are a woman's four favourite animals?
A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom,
and a Jackass to pay for it all.
Ok, I apologise for his reappearence, but it is funny...
TRICK OR TREAT!
But... who's getting the treat?
0iD (01-11-2008)
Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread
... and where would that be from?I just post em as I get em
("Hmmm." (Better if you say it a few times out loud, make it sound all contemplative, like.) "I could steal his jokes, and... Yes! Then it would be 'Baius's Well Dodgy Joke Thread'. Hmmm." (Hmmm's same as before.))
All the best (and I won't nick your jokes - promise).
LaterZ, all.
[P.S. I read out the ones about the pilots and repair crew to some friends today, and they wept with laughter the same as I did the first time. (I'm sure the sarcastic way I read them helped, though...)]
Oh, and my new signature:
MC2
Been waiting for a "quote" I love for ages. Now I'm a real Hexus "geek".
(So I'm actually going to thank you, yet again. Sorry if that's "weird".)
0iD (01-11-2008)
After his divorce Mr. Jones realized that poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.
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Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.
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And to balance things out here are some jokes about men
TRUE MEANING OF MALE STATEMENTS
Statement: "I'm a Romantic."
True Meaning: "I'm poor."
Statement: "You're the only girl I've ever cared about."
True Meaning: "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."
Statement: "I really want to get to know you better."
True Meaning: "So I can tell my friends about it."
Statement: "She's kinda cute."
True Meaning: "I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow over the
head might be necessary."
Statement: "I don't know if I like her."
True Meaning: "She won't sleep with me."
Statement: "Was it good for you?"
True Meaning: "I'm insecure about my manhood."
Statement: "I had a wonderful time last night."
True Meaning: "Who are you?"
Statement: "Do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you might find out."
Statement: "Do you 'really' love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you're going to find
out sooner or later."
Statement: "How much do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something really stupid and someone's on
their way to tell you by now."
Statement: "I have something to tell you."
True Meaning: "Get tested."
Statement: "I've been thinking a lot."
True Meaning: "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."
Statement: "I think we should just be friends."
True Meaning: "You're ugly."
Statement: "I've learned a lot from you."
True Meaning: "Next!!!!"
Statement: "I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?" True Meaning: "I gotta turn on my answering machine."
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Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A. They're married.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A. They don't have time.
Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. They don't stop and ask for directions.
Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
A. They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.
Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.
Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.
Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.
Q. What do they call a woman who works as hard as a man?
A. Lazy
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A bloke is sat at a bar when he sees this gorgeous woman waiting for her date. He decides to go over and chat her up.
'I think you're wasting your time, I'm only interested in women' said the woman.
'Oh come on, I bet I can change your mind' said the bloke. After ten minutes of the bloke pestering her, she had had enough.
'OK' said the woman 'I'll sleep with you if you can do anything for me that my vibrator can't!'
'OK, barman get this lady a drink' he said. 'let's see your vibrator do that?
0iD (01-11-2008),chuckskull (01-11-2008),JK Ferret (01-11-2008),Workaholic (01-11-2008)
Should I feel bad I find this amusing ...Ok, I apologise for his reappearence, but it is funny...
TRICK OR TREAT!
But... who's getting the treat?
[
Went trick-or-treating last night. Every house I called at slammed the door back in my face.
Maybe going as a Jehovah's Witness wasn't the best idea.
0iD (02-11-2008),JK Ferret (01-11-2008),mediaboy (01-11-2008),Powderhound (02-11-2008),sleepyhead (02-11-2008)
An illegal immigrant picks up a hooker. "Hey, how much you charge for the hour, sister?" he asks.
"£100," she replies.
In broken English he says "Do you do Immigrant Style?"
"No,"she says.
"I pay you £200 to do Immigrant Style."
"No'," she says, not knowing what Immigrant Style is.
"I pay you £300."
"No," she says.
'"I pay you £400."
"No," she says.
So finally he says, "OK, I pay $1,000 to do Immigrant Style.'
She thinks, "Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've had every kind of request from weirdos from every part of the world. How bad could Immigrant Style be?''. So she agrees and has sex with him. They do it in every kind of way and in every possible position. Finally, after several hours, they finish. Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, "Hey, I was expecting something perverted and disgusting, but that was good. So what exactly is 'Immigrant Style'?"
The illegal immigrant replies "You send bill to Government."
dave87 (02-11-2008),sleepyhead (02-11-2008),Workaholic (02-11-2008)
All this crap about preventing Global Warming is getting on my nerves. Surely with the price of Gas and Electricity, Global Warming is the way forward?
What do you do if a bird ****s on your car bonnet?
Don't ask her out again.
radar (29-01-2009)
What's the difference between anxiety and panic?
-Anxiety is the first time a man can't get it up for a second time.
-Panic is the second time a man can't get it up for a first time.
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A man comes home to find his wife in bed with another man.
'What's going on here?!' he screams.
His wife then says to her lover, 'See, I told you he was stupid.'
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Re: The Well Dodgy Joke Thread
