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Thread: Nursey Rhymes Jim, But Not As We Know Them

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    Nursey Rhymes Jim, But Not As We Know Them

    Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
    Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
    The structure of the wall was incorrect
    So he won a grand with Claims Direct.

    Jack and Jill went into town
    To fetch some chips and sweeties.
    He can't keep his heart rate down
    And she's got diabetes.

    Mary had a little skirt
    With splits right up the sides
    And everywhere that Mary went
    The boys could see her thighs.
    Mary had another skirt
    'twas split right up the front
    ..But she didn't wear that one often.

    Mary had a little lamb
    Her father shot it dead.
    Now it goes to school with her
    Between two chunks of bread.

    Mary had a little lamb
    It ran into a pylon.
    10,000 volts went up its bum
    And turned its wool to nylon.

    Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
    Kissed the girls and made them cry.
    When the boys came out to play
    He kissed them too cause he was gay.

    Jack and Jill
    Went up the hill
    To have a little fun.
    Jill, the dill,
    Forgot her pill,
    And now they have a son.

    Jack and Jill
    Went up the hill
    And planned to do some kissing.
    Jack made a pass
    And grabbed her ass
    Now two of his teeth are missing.

    Mary had a little lamb
    Its fleece was white and wispy.
    Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
    And now it's black and crispy.

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    CMC
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    Re: Nursey Rhymes Jim, But Not As We Know Them

    ha ha, some of those are great

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    Don't feed the trolls... tiggerai's Avatar
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    Re: Nursey Rhymes Jim, But Not As We Know Them

    Hehehe

    Reminds me of this one that my mum taught me:

    Mary had a little lamb,
    She thought it rather silly,
    she threw it up into the air
    and caught it by its.....

    Willy was a watchdog
    lying in the grass
    along came a bumble bee
    and stung him up the...

    ask no questions,
    tell no lies
    I saw a policeman doing up his...

    flies are a nusiance,
    bugs are worse,
    this is the end of my silly little verse.

    My mum i tell you!

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    Re: Nursey Rhymes Jim, But Not As We Know Them

    Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
    How does your garden grow?
    It doesn't any more, I'm a media whore.
    It was decked on a makeover show.

    Old mother hubbard went to her cupboard
    to fetch her poor doggy a bone
    but when she bent over, up popped rover
    and gave her a bone of his own.

    Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
    Said Simple Simon to the Pieman, "What have you got there? "
    Said the Pieman unto Simon,
    Pies, you dumb ****!


    Jack and Jill went up the hill
    To have some hanky panky.
    Silly Jill forgot her pill
    And now there's little Franky.


    Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet,
    Her clothes were all tattered and torn,
    But it wasn't the spider that had sat down beside her,
    It was Little Boy Blue with his horn.

    There was a little girl,
    Who had a little curl
    Right in the middle of her forehead
    And when she was good,
    She was very very good
    But when she was bad,
    She got a Fur coat, jewels, a sports car.....


    Any my personal favourite, written by the comedy god that was Spike Milligna, that world famous typing error.

    My name is Fred Fernackapan
    I walk about the town.
    Sometimes with my trousers up,
    And sometimes, with them down.
    And when they are up, they are up.
    And when they are down, they are down.
    But when they were only halfway up,
    I was arrested....
    Last edited by Flibster; 24-01-2008 at 01:29 PM.

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    Re: Nursey Rhymes Jim, But Not As We Know Them

    These are great Only one I'd heard before was Georgie Porgie

    One more variation is all I can offer...

    Jack and Jill went up the hill,
    To fetch a pail of water.
    I don't know what they did up there,
    But now they've got a daughter.

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