Cheating - Where do you draw the line?

[SiM]

might be.. In general I'm a nice guy but I wouldn't accept that kind of cr@p.

Well come on.. Ok lets say you're having this friendly stroll and holding hands. All of a sudden you see her boyfriend walking towards you.

Do you continue to hold her hand? Or has this suddenly become unacceptable?

One hand firmly grips her hand, other slides to her ass. If the boyfriend looks like he is about to attack....... Push and run
Well it depends on the size of the guy really
and I wouldn't be in that position in the first place as I am a good boy

[staffsMike]

Lol I was actually thinking that push and run before. If you were determined to keep hold of her hand.. you would need a rather hasty exit strategy if things went sour.

As you say though, I wouldn't do that.. my gf would kick the living **** out of me for even thinking about it.. she's little but shes fast haha

[Guy]

If ever your around Mikes G/F now just watch out for a blue Suzuki Ignis slowly following/watching you

[staffsMike]

Is it blue though.. is it!!!? Watch your backs ... haha

Lol I don't really have to worry about breaking fingers.. she would do it anyway

[TheAnimus]

Like I said.. if I were her boyfriend I'd break your fingers It's only innocent from your point of view, you don't know hers or his, Put yourself in his postion lol

If there was anything un-innocent about it, how would that actually help your situation, rather than make you loose the moral high ground.

The point is i think its completely innocent, ie i've not shagged her when i've been blind drunk n randy before now, i'm not aroused when shes on my arm. Granted i'm just assuming its the same with her, but if its not then its not my failing as its not going to me that lets anything happen.

Plus, i've got litterally a foot on him.

[SiM]

my gf would kick the living **** out of me

she butch? hard luck mate...

only kidding, don't break my fingers please!

[Guy]

well your last one was . . . ? ok look out for any Suzuki Ignis sport!

If spotted push and run!

[staffsMike]

no she's a tiny little thing lol Can't exactly hit back and she can run faster and futher than me

[Saracen]

For me, cheating is both a physical and an emotional thing, so easy lines between what is and what isn't cheating don't exist. It's more complex than that, and at the very least, depends on your situation.

My wife has a clear rule - I can window-shop, but that's as far as it goes. I'm more restrictive than that. Absolute window shopping (i.e. admiring a passing stranger) is fine.

But that flirting in the office ...... trickier, that one.

Occasional flirting in jest is one thing. You'd have to be inhuman to completely abstain from that. But if the intent to go beyond that is there, then in my view, it's cheating regardless of whether you go through with it or not. So regular flirting, even in jest, is dangerous. And if it goes beyond jest, even if that's the extent of it, is too far for me.

But .... my above definitions relate to the situation I'm in, which is married. In other words, a long-term, serious and committed relationship. I took vows, and they mean something to me. It's just as serious, to me to break those vows in my head as it is to break them physically, because doing so says I'd be close to doing so physically, should the opportunity exist, and perhaps the only difference is opportunity. And I love the missus to much to contemplate that.

However, not everyone that's married sees it like that, and sure as hell, not everyone that's married acts in accordance with that. As I'm not them, and not in their situation, it's not for me to judge what is or isn't right for them. It's not for me to impose my standards on them. It is for me to live by my own standards.

Which brings me to my answer to your original question, sleepyhead. Only you can determine what's cheating, for you.

[Guy]

Actually answering the OP, friendly touching, flirting, hugs, kiss on the cheek etc in my view is ok, although each person/couple is different, will react differently/have different rules on what is and isnt accepctable, so yeah for each case it could be different.

[ACiD303]

Flirting's absolutely fine - as long as it's harmless and there's no intent....or "fishing" for anything else. So many girls do it that I've brushed it off as one of those things.

Crossing arms walking's fine as well, as is sitting on a guy's lap [as long as they're a friend!] with their arm around their neck, but I'd probably draw the line at hand in hand and sitting on lap cuddling....anything intimate is where I draw the line.

I probably wouldn't draw the line if she suggested a threesome with one of her fit mates - I'd put up a puny argument against that, but would somehow let her win it

[staffsMike]

It also depends who the person is.

If I met up with a particular friend who I've been friends with for around 7 years now and who is a girl.. and gave her a hug and she kissed me on the cheek.. mrs there or not.. thats fine.

If I met up with a different girl who my gf hates as I only became friends with her a short time before I started going out with my gf.. and the same happened she would be angry.
Actually she would probably be angry if I met up with her period.. which is fine by me because I think she's a bit of a psycho anyway

[Saracen]

It also depends who the person is.

If I met up with a particular friend who I've been friends with for around 7 years now and who is a girl.. and gave her a hug and she kissed me on the cheek.. mrs there or not.. thats fine. ....

I agree with that.

I have a friend from many years ago. I don't see her all that often, but when I do, a hug and a (friendly) kiss is pretty much guaranteed. And it would happen whether my wife and/or her husband were standing there watching or not. Also, I've been known to take her out for dinner on occasions, too. After all, I sometimes go years without seeing her, and it's nice to catch up and compare notes on old friends.

And there's not a hint of cheating in either the hug and kiss, or the dinners, because mentally, all it is is a hug and kiss between friends, or a dinner and a chat.

The wife trusts me, and similarly I trust her.

[staffsMike]

Yep that exactly how it is

I've been to see her when she's had hard times etc.. just to cheer her up a bit. There's no jealousy or anything like that from my gf and i do go long times without seeing her as she has her life and I have mine.

She was my best friends girlfriend for many years so she is more of a sister anyway.

[sleepyhead]

Wow, wasn't expecting such a large response but the reading was very good on people's views on it.

It's fascinating what some people deem as (or not) acceptable levels of behaviour that does not convey "cheating".

All seems to come down to clear definitive lines of trust and each individual's acceptable limits.

It's difficult not to "judge" the people I hear about (through this one woman at work). All I can say is, I'm glad StaffsMike doesn't know where I live, he seems to want to break alot of people's fingers! (just kidding).

Saracen has a really good point; even the thought/intent of cheating is tantamount to cheating (sorry I kinda surmised a huge parage into a few words).

Everyone is human though and mistakes can and do occur. A tough blip in a relationship and suddenly the grass is greener on the other side. Seen it happen all too often. Obviously I am perfect so nothing like that ever happens to me..... Seriously though, a tough blip in a relationship could further blur the line of what is cheating but then the question arises of earning that trust back, but that is a WHOLE new avenue.

[staffsMike]

It's hard to explain I guess. I mean yes I would break their fingers but at the same time I know she wouldn't do it.

I guess some people are more relaxed about that sort of thing but we are both the same in that respect. It's not like I would break up with her for doing it or anything but that fact that she wanted to do that, I would take as an insult. Niether of us want to feel like that or do that to each other which is why everyones fingers are safe (for now)

I don't know how it differs as time goes or by the number of relationships you've had. As far as I am concerned this is my first and last serious relationship, if this doesn't work I don't know what could lol