Speaking of jokes...

[Whiternoise]

... it's Friday

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met.
After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding.
Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress.

Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle.

Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.
Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.
Only one of them survived the accident.

Question: Who was the survivor?

(Scroll down for the answer. It's worth it)

























































Answer:
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

**** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.

**** Men keep scrolling.























































So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.























































By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates another point: Women never listen.

[Robscure]

LOL love it

Great usage of scrolling

[MadduckUK]

One of my mates wife went missing a couple of weeks ago when she went out for a pint of milk.

I phoned my mate to see how he was coping and he said 'Not too bad i'm managing with the powdered stuff'

[Blitzen]

The Beckhams have only been back in London 5 minutes and Posh is up the duff already............that John Terry doesn't mess about does he!


If you were in bed with Cheryl Cole and Alan Carr, which one would you turn you back on?

[ajones]

The dog ran off tonight; I walked round the park for 20 minutes but still couldn't find him. The missus said I should look harder, so I shaved my head and got a tattoo. Still can't find the dog.

[Steve A]

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes.
We decided to grab a bite at the food court.
I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.
The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.
My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.
When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one.
And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.
"Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

[Steve A]

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

[Alex]

If the zombie apocalypse ever happens, I'm just going to surround my house with outward facing treadmills.

I should be fine.

[Alex]

I've just renamed my WiFi network to "Police Surveillance Van #02".

That should keep my pikey neighbours on their toes for a while.

[ajones]

After a heavy night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Bill woke to find himself next to a really ugly women. That's when he knew he had made it home safely.

[mycarsavw]

Nope, not getting that one at all.

Looks like failed ASCI art from 1994

[mycarsavw]

yeah i know i didnt bother to delete it :/

Huh?

You posted the "joke" but you don't know what it is?

[santa claus]

....