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Thread: The World’s Craziest pieces of advice

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    Banned Jimmy Little's Avatar
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    The World’s Craziest pieces of advice

    These are taken from a book called ‘The World’s Stupidest Instructions’

    Cautionary Tales

    Do not eat toner – on a laser-printer cartridge

    Caution: knives are sharp – on a knife sharpener

    Shin guards cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover – on shin guards for cyclists

    Caution: Hot beverages are hot – on a takeway coffee cup

    Do not use for drying pets – on a microwave oven

    Caution: remove infant before storing chair – on a pushchair

    Seat must be facing forward for take-off and landing – on the back of the pilot’s seat in a NATO aircraft

    Do not open here – on the bottle of a cola bottle

    Do not take if allergic to aspirin – on a box of aspirin

    Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat – on a muffin packet

    The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the ‘on’ position – on a kettle

    Open bottle before drinking – on a bottle of rum









    Out and About

    Don’t take a chance on ruining your vacation, come to us and be sure – travel office in Nova Scotia

    ENTRANCE only. Do not enter – car park sign

    Beware of people – sign in Hong Kong street

    BEWARE! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted – at a railway station in the USA


    Pointless Warnings

    Keep away from children – on a bottle of baby lotion

    SOME assembly required – on a 500 piece jigsaw puzzle box

    May irritate eyes – on a can of pepper spray used for self defence

    WARNING: may contain small parts – on a Frisbee

    In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors and then close doors – car handbook

    NOT suitable for children aged 36 months or less – on a birthday card for a one year old

    Warning: do not blow dry in sleep – on a hairdryer


    Hopeless Hotels

    Please do not turn on TV except in use – hotel bedroom

    DEPOSITING the room key into another person is prohibited – hotel in Japan

    Push this button in case anything happens – lift in Japanese hotel

    To call room service, please open the door and call room service – hotel in Istanbul

    Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 daily – hotel in Athens


    You did what with it?

    Do not use orally – on a toilet cleaning brush

    Do not spray in your face – on a spray paint can

    Not dishwasher safe – on a TV remote control

    Not to be used for drying hair – on a blowtorch

    No small children – on a washing machine in a launderette

    Do not use as an ice cream topping – on a bottle of hair dye

    Do not attempt to swallow – on a mattress

    Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher – on a dishwasher


    Preposterous Proclamations

    Why not rent out a movie for a dull evening – sign in a video shop

    Please call us! We will provide you with an emergency – advertisement for a babysitting service in Japan.

    Please leave a pet outside – ice cream shop in Japan

    Do not use the diving board when the swimming pool is empty – a pool sign at a hotel in Sri Lanka

    “Eat your finger off” – “Finger lickin good” when first translated into Chinese


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    Bonnet mounted gunsight megah0's Avatar
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    My favorite ever stupid labels are:

    "use of this costume does not enable the wearer to fly" - froma childs superman outfit.

    And the one that came on our chainsaw when we first bought it.

    "Do not use fingers to stop chain"
    Recycling consultant

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    Senior Member Kezzer's Avatar
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    lol, now that's funny!

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    Member Trash Man's Avatar
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    Do not use for drying pets – on a microwave oven LAMO

    Living and dying laughing and crying
    Once you have seen it you will never be the same
    Life in the fast lane is just how it seems
    Hard and it is heavy dirty and mean

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    Ex-MSFT Paul Adams's Avatar
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    Not sure if it's an urban legend, but I recall hearing about a packet of peanuts from Sainsburys having "Warning: may contain nuts" on it.

    And this one definitely is NOT an urban legend, I kept this and have it at home in the original plastic bag...
    Along with a Nokia "IP series" firewall there is a sticker with "powered by Nokia" or similar on it... complete with a 2-sided instruction sheet on how to stick it on the front of your new box - it even has its own part number.
    ~ I have CDO. It's like OCD except the letters are in alphabetical order, as they should be. ~
    PC: Win10 x64 | Asus Maximus VIII | Core i7-6700K | 16GB DDR3 | 2x250GB SSD | 500GB SSD | 2TB SATA-300 | GeForce GTX1080
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    Bonnet mounted gunsight megah0's Avatar
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    hahahahahaha,

    Sorry no the BEST i have ever seen was on a pair of *ahem* edible boxer shorts with the warning "may contain nuts"
    Recycling consultant

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    Beard hat ftw! steve threlfall's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mgh0
    hahahahahaha,

    Sorry no the BEST i have ever seen was on a pair of *ahem* edible boxer shorts with the warning "may contain nuts"

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    You've got red on you.
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    on the manual of gamecubes:

    WARNING, the power supply is not a toy.
    Pirates = Win.

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    Banned Jimmy Little's Avatar
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    There should be a warning on light switches as i always try and turn them on with my tongue when i have my hands full... this sometimes causes a strange sensation... I fear this may end in tears one day!

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    HEXUS.Metal Knoxville's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bobby Sixkiller
    There should be a warning on light switches as i always try and turn them on with my tongue when i have my hands full... this sometimes causes a strange sensation... I fear this may end in tears one day!
    lol, wouldn't using your nose be a tad easier and safer

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    Beard hat ftw! steve threlfall's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bobby Sixkiller
    There should be a warning on light switches as i always try and turn them on with my tongue when i have my hands full... this sometimes causes a strange sensation... I fear this may end in tears one day!
    Almost as much fun as licking a car battery

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    Rob
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paul Adams
    Not sure if it's an urban legend, but I recall hearing about a packet of peanuts from Sainsburys having "Warning: may contain nuts" on it.
    Not legend! I had it on a packet of Safeway Pistachios!

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    mutantbass head Lee H's Avatar
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    M&S have on their microwaveable Sponge pudding - Caution contents maybe hot ....


    hmm.... now isn't that the main principle behind the microwave? Its not as if its going to come out with icicles is it

    Totally crazy innit lol

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    Quote Originally Posted by WildmonkeyUK
    M&S have on their microwaveable Sponge pudding - Caution contents maybe hot ....


    hmm.... now isn't that the main principle behind the microwave? Its not as if its going to come out with icicles is it

    Totally crazy innit lol
    Maybe they should put one that changes - obviously if you take it out the freezer and don't heat it - you might end up with frost bite (or crack a few teeth); and then if you heat it you might scold yourself.

    The one that crakcs me up is the rear view mirror "Objects that appear in this mirror are actually behind you" although I've never actually seen it so don't know whether there are actually any such mirrores out there.

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    Banned Jimmy Little's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Knoxville
    lol, wouldn't using your nose be a tad easier and safer
    yeah good call, never thought of that...

    Quote Originally Posted by steve threlfall
    Almost as much fun as licking a car battery
    is that safe? can i do that

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    One skin, two skin......
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bobby Sixkiller
    yeah good call, never thought of that...



    is that safe? can i do that
    I wouldn't suggest it!

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