These are taken from a book called ‘The World’s Stupidest Instructions’
Cautionary Tales
Do not eat toner – on a laser-printer cartridge
Caution: knives are sharp – on a knife sharpener
Shin guards cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover – on shin guards for cyclists
Caution: Hot beverages are hot – on a takeway coffee cup
Do not use for drying pets – on a microwave oven
Caution: remove infant before storing chair – on a pushchair
Seat must be facing forward for take-off and landing – on the back of the pilot’s seat in a NATO aircraft
Do not open here – on the bottle of a cola bottle
Do not take if allergic to aspirin – on a box of aspirin
Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat – on a muffin packet
The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the ‘on’ position – on a kettle
Open bottle before drinking – on a bottle of rum
Out and About
Don’t take a chance on ruining your vacation, come to us and be sure – travel office in Nova Scotia
ENTRANCE only. Do not enter – car park sign
Beware of people – sign in Hong Kong street
BEWARE! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted – at a railway station in the USA
Pointless Warnings
Keep away from children – on a bottle of baby lotion
SOME assembly required – on a 500 piece jigsaw puzzle box
May irritate eyes – on a can of pepper spray used for self defence
WARNING: may contain small parts – on a Frisbee
In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors and then close doors – car handbook
NOT suitable for children aged 36 months or less – on a birthday card for a one year old
Warning: do not blow dry in sleep – on a hairdryer
Hopeless Hotels
Please do not turn on TV except in use – hotel bedroom
DEPOSITING the room key into another person is prohibited – hotel in Japan
Push this button in case anything happens – lift in Japanese hotel
To call room service, please open the door and call room service – hotel in Istanbul
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 daily – hotel in Athens
You did what with it?
Do not use orally – on a toilet cleaning brush
Do not spray in your face – on a spray paint can
Not dishwasher safe – on a TV remote control
Not to be used for drying hair – on a blowtorch
No small children – on a washing machine in a launderette
Do not use as an ice cream topping – on a bottle of hair dye
Do not attempt to swallow – on a mattress
Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher – on a dishwasher
Preposterous Proclamations
Why not rent out a movie for a dull evening – sign in a video shop
Please call us! We will provide you with an emergency – advertisement for a babysitting service in Japan.
Please leave a pet outside – ice cream shop in Japan
Do not use the diving board when the swimming pool is empty – a pool sign at a hotel in Sri Lanka
“Eat your finger off” – “Finger lickin good” when first translated into Chinese
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