The well Dodgy Joke Thread 2012

[Hoonigan]

What's Orange, 2 miles long and smells of kebab?

Today's que in Boots for the morning after pill.

[shaithis]

Breaking news:

Luis Suarez has been arrested for the murder of Whitney Houston in a racially motivated attack. Eye-witness Patrice Evra says he saw Suarez kill her at least 10 times. Sir Alex Ferguson has called for the death penalty. Kenny Dalglish says he has never heard of Whitney Houston and has questioned whether she ever actually existed. Howard Webb said he saw it all.

[0iD]

I was coming in on the train this morn and I was a bit desperate & had to use the loo in the carriage. Anyhoo, there I was having a good dump when there was a knock on the loo door and a voice said "Can I see your ticket please"

"Not right now" I replied, "I'm having a crap!"

"Sorry sir, but I don't believe you" said the voice, "just slide it under the door!"

"OK" I said, "No probs, but just for your info, the yellow bits are sweetcorn"

[jim]

Was going to buy a spider in the petshop, went there and they were £50! Stuff that, I thought, I can get one much cheaper off the web.

[dave87]

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf."

[Andy3536]

I had 4 E's and an LSD last night.






Such an awfull start to a game of scrabble.

[Behemoth]

Man is walking down the street when he botices and older man sat on thepavement in fllds of tears. Concerned the young man goes over to him and asks

"Whats the matter ?"

Through his tear stained wrinkled old face the old man looks up and replies

"I'm 92, I have a 21 year old wife who demands sex before brekfast, before lunch and twice after tea"

The younger man some what confused asks

"Whats the problem ?"

The old man replies

"I've forgotten my way home"

[dave87]

[GoNz0]

In a sleepy village of Erbum near the town of Tillet in Hertfordshire, lives a woman called Linda Lykes. She is the landlady of a local pub, The Cockwell Inn. For some unknown reason,she get's embarrassed whenever she receives post:


Linda Lykes
The Cockwell Inn
Erbum
Tillet
Herts

[g8ina]

Groan.....

That is at *least* 40 years old ! (used to say it at school, which I left in 1971, but it was Elsie Keeps then)

[[GSV]Trig]

Funny thing about that one is people actually try and pass it off as real

[TheAnimus]

[Bluecube]

Woman walks into the bar an asks the barman for a double entendre. So he took her outside and gave her one in the back passage.

[Behemoth]

Whats the difference between David Cameron and a chef that keeps dropping his pancakes ?

None, they are both useless ******s.

[Whiternoise]

http://oglaf.com/Fountain-of-Doubt
http://oglaf.com/Fountain-of-Death
http://oglaf.com/human-women/

Gotta love Oglaf! Most of the comics are definitely NSFW, by the way.

[finlay666]

Gotta love Oglaf! Most of the comics are definitely NSFW, by the way.

hotlinking fail