Friends

[Russ]

Hi everyone

Been doing some thinking tonight, and it struck me that I don't really have any friends. I used to, but moved away, and even before then I hardly made time to see any of them. I work with mostly old women, few chaps but not the sort of people who I would be interested in holding a conversation with outside of work. My daughter, wife and work take up most of my time anyway and I don't mind not having friends but I can see its my own doing. Anybody in the same boat?

[pp05]

Yes I'm in a similar position. The older you get people move around or abroad, have family responsibilties etc

It gets difficult to make guy mates when you hitting 30s I find, especially if you're a bit lax in terms of making the effort.

[Behemoth]

I've got what I'd call 3 very close friends, and then there are my work friends.

Outside of that, well all people I hung round with school etc have all pretty much moved away, and what with me moving away soon aswell it's going to be a case of HAVING to make some new friends.

[scaryjim]

define "friends"

I know quite a lot of people now we've settled in Manchester, some of them I see quite often, and we have a good social time together. Not sure I'd go as far as to call many, if any, of them friends though.

[Larkspeed]

I have a couple of friends on the immediate area that we see fairly regularly.

All the rest of my friends are now spread out all over the world I still stay in contact with the core group of friends I grew up with using social networking and such but because of the distances involved we rarely see each other.

[fuddam]

am in my 40s and have friends all over the globe, some closer than others of course.
friendship is a bit like marriage - have to work at the relationship for it/them to succeed. In regular contact via FB and skype, and yes, these are friends I can drop in on any time, am happy to say.

Locally I have a growing band of brothers, through my adventure racing and church community. It's the community aspect that really counts - we train together, pray together, help each other move house, do DIY, fetch and carry, have braais etc. I know it's not that common to have a good group of real friends, especially in this age of distraction and speed, but it can exist.

my 2c

[cptwhite_uk]

For me, I made a conscious effort at the age of 16 to keep in touch with school friends, I was well aware I wouldn't make friends like them again. Luckily I have a group of 6 or 7 I see most weeks, none from work or uni really, and a couple of internet group I regularly converse with (and one I do private LANs with, which is nice).

There's also the group I've been introduced too though my fiancée over the last 5 years which has opened a different type of friends group to me, more bohemian and artistic, which is good too.

That's about it though, I've got about 80+ friends of facebook, and that's plenty enough for me, don't need any more people in my life!

[jim]

Hi everyone

Been doing some thinking tonight, and it struck me that I don't really have any friends. I used to, but moved away, and even before then I hardly made time to see any of them. I work with mostly old women, few chaps but not the sort of people who I would be interested in holding a conversation with outside of work. My daughter, wife and work take up most of my time anyway and I don't mind not having friends but I can see its my own doing. Anybody in the same boat?

Heck, I'm at uni and have very, very few. It's not hard at uni to make friends and get to know people, but I'm not the kind of person that feels the need. If I've got 1 or 2 friends who I know I can trust and rely on, and my girlfriend is still around, then I'm fine. Different people work in different ways... I know so many who couldn't function without at least 10-20 friends, and they make a huge amount of effort with each. I'm not that way, I know I'm not that way, and I'm quite happy not being that way. If it isn't making you unhappy, then it's not a problem... at least that's been my approach to life for the last 4-5 years.

[Lucio]

If you define friends as people you see outside of work regularly that you like, then I have no friends.

I do have people I trust though, who I see regularly, about once every couple of months or once a year. These are how I define my friends, people who if I need someone, I can get in touch.

[Domestic_Ginger]

Definately agree with OP. Having a family changes everything; from my point of view seeing my son's friends/family is a change but they will never be the same as having your own friends. i think organising quality weekedns etc is the way to go and having less of them as a way of staying on touch.

btw facebook does not count. I bet I have more cows than you have friends.

[mmh]

I'm 25 and friends are something that I'm incredibly short on.

Me and my gf of 2 years broke up and she made a concious effort to go round all of my friends and "snap them up" so to speak, I haven't been invited out in quite the while, most of the time, I don't know whats going on, and when I ask via the wonder of facebook, I barely get any response as to whats going on anywhere.

Theres a slim pocket of people who I now consider friends, maybe 3/4, and 1 lives accross the pond in the states.

It doesnt help either with trusting anyone when your best friend goes straight after your ex when you break up, regardless that you tell him the night before that you're not over them. Talk about being stabbed in the back.

Finally in the mood to go out and meet some new people to get over the catastrophe thats been the last couple of months and it occurs to me that I'm not very adept at socialising, so making new friends is extremely difficult, even more so when you don't have many people to go out with and meet new people with!

[Russ]

If you define friends as people you see outside of work regularly that you like, then I have no friends.

I do have people I trust though, who I see regularly, about once every couple of months or once a year. These are how I define my friends, people who if I need someone, I can get in touch.

In that case, i have 2 or 3 friends 200 miles away that i can talk openly to, but not rely on, due to distance, being blokes.

[shaithis]

It doesnt help either with trusting anyone when your best friend goes straight after your ex when you break up, regardless that you tell him the night before that you're not over them. Talk about being stabbed in the back.

define "friends"

....

[Rob_B]

Yup I'm in the same boat, moving away from my hometown and having a family means I just don't have time. Few guys at work who I can go for drinks with but would I define them as friends? I dunno. Feeling sorry for myself now!

[abaxas]

You need to find people with a common interest.

Night classes or specialist clubs is the best way forward. (eg car clubs not the ones with greasy poles)

/it contractor mode off.

[Domestic_Ginger]

You need to find people with a common interest.

Done; although I wish we did not have to always communicate by posting.