Hexus Medical Centre Joke

[Zak33]

this thread is verging on risky, cos of one little bit of it...but its a risk I am prepared to take to prove you can all be grown up and not decend into a pit of low level scum
I hope I'm right



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ONE DAY, IN LINE AT THE WORKS CAFETERIA, JACK SAYS TO MIKE BEHIND HIM.
"MY ARM HURTS LIKE HELL. I SUPPOSE I'D BETTER SEE A DOCTOR."

"LISTEN, DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME DOWN AT THE SURGERY, "MIKE REPLIES.

"THERE'S A DIAGNOSTIC COMPUTER AT HEXUS. JUST GIVE IT A URINE SAMPLE AND THE COMPUTER WILL TELL YOU WHAT'S WRONG AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.

IT TAKES TEN SECONDS AND ONLY COSTS FIVE POUNDS.....A LOT QUICKER AND
BETTER THAN A DOCTOR".

SO JACK COLLECTS A URINE SAMPLE IN A SMALL JAR AND TAKES IT TO HEXUS.
HE DEPOSITS FIVE POUNDS, AND THE COMPUTER LIGHTS UP AND ASKS FOR THE URINE SAMPLE. HE POURS THE SAMPLE INTO THE SLOT AND WAITS.

TEN SECONDS LATER, THE COMPUTER EJECTS A PRINTOUT:

"YOU HAVE A FROZEN SHOULDER.

SOAK YOUR ARM IN WARM WATER AND AVOID HEAVY ACTIVITY.

IT WILL IMPROVE IN TWO WEEKS".


THAT EVENING WHILE THINKING HOW AMAZING THIS NEW TECHNOLOGY WAS, JACK BEGAN WONDERING IF THE COMPUTER COULD BE FOOLED. HE MIXED SOME TAP WATER, A STOOL SAMPLE FROM HIS DOG, URINE SAMPLES FROM HIS WIFE AND DAUGHTER, AND MASTURBATED INTO THE MIXTURE FOR GOOD MEASURE.

JACK HURRIED BACK TO HEXUS, EAGER TO CHECK WHAT WOULD HAPPEN. HE DEPOSITS FIVE POUNDS, POURS IN HIS CONCOCTION, AND AWAITS THE RESULTS.

THE COMPUTER PRINTS THE FOLLOWING:

1. YOUR TAP WATER IS TOO HARD. GET A WATER SOFTENER.

2. YOUR DOG HAS RINGWORM. BATHE HIM WITH ANTI-FUNGAL SHAMPOO.

3. YOUR DAUGHTER HAS A COCAINE HABIT. GET HER INTO REHAB.

4. YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT. TWINS. THEY AREN'T YOURS. GET A LAWYER.

5. AND IF YOU DON'T STOP PLAYING WITH YOURSELF, YOUR ARM WILL NEVER GET BETTER....



...THANK YOU FOR VISITING HEXUS

[[GSV]Trig]

Next time use word to do add replace tho as I'm sure theres an Asda in there where there should of been a Hexus

ZAK EDIT: Jumps out, slaps hand over Trig's mouth, edits the thread, and gets carted off by the nice men in white suits

[EvilMunky]

lol tis an old but still very funny one!

[Daymonkey]

Love it

[streetster]

top quality stuff as usual Zakky

[shiato storm]

[Swafe]

how about this for a lame one?


A doctor asks his patient for a stool sample - sure goes the patient, as he wanted to know what was wrong with him, so the doctor opened his draw and searched out a sample bottle - sorry he said ive run out he said, ill go get one off Dr Smith down the way, I'm sure hes got piles