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Letter from ASDA to a banned customer:
Dear Bobby Cornwall.
Please note the following reasons why you are now banned from ASDA Stores in Cornwalll.
Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:
1. January 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.
2. January 24: Set all the alarm clocks in House Wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. February 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.
4. February 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3" in House Wares..... and watched what happened.
5. February 27: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" causing injury to other shoppers.
6. March 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor department and invited shoppers in if they would bring you sausages and a Calor gas stove.
7. March 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help you?, you began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8. April 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked your nose, and ate it.
9. April 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the House Wares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were situated.
10. May 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the theme tune from "Mission Impossible"
11. May 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
12. May 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled "PICKME, PICK ME!"
13. May 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again."
And; last, but not least:
14. June 2: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."
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Originally Posted by Advice Trinity by Knoxville
