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Thread: Expected behaviour in relationship

  1. #1
    Senior Member Bonebreaker777's Avatar
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    Expected behaviour in relationship

    I feel slightly bad even just to post this in these times (COVID and such). Apologies in advance to those who could find offense.

    I have a friend who's in a relatively new relationship. His old relationship of 13y ended because he wasn't happy how he was treated.

    Recently his new partner had a massive argument with him for the following reasons:
    - she was drafted into a team challenge at work to count steps during the lockdown
    - she feels that she was bullied into the challenge, although it wasn't compulsory. Let's call the person doing the bullying Person X. The bullying consists of basically guilt tripping and public name & shame - saying things like "...and this person haven't really managed to do much again, if anything at all..."
    - apparent fat shaming has been mentioned by the hands of Person X but the only comment was saying she did 20 steps a day so that trip to the kettle and back must've been hard - no direct fat shaming as far as I know (but then that's subjective)
    - my friend didn't reacted to the whole ordeal as she would've wanted him to react (for example he didn't called the Person X names, despite his own views and moral standards, he didn't called the ordeal oppressing and fat shaming and found some of the comments by Person X even funny)
    - to this his new partner has said he is a letdown, he should've reacted the way other friends of her have did and he should've not find things funny said or posted by Person X
    - she told him then she won't change her personality for him or anybody. So if he expects her to join similar challenges in the future or things she's not happy about, he can break up with her (the good old 'I won't change for anybody')

    Unfortunately I can't say I'm an expert in human relationships so I need to ask a wider audience - is it just me or does it looks like there's an impossible or at least immortal request placed upon him? By asking and demanding him to react in a certain way to situations not in alignment with his personality and morality? And wanting of him to change what he should and shouldn't find funny?

  2. #2
    Pork & Beans Powerup Phage's Avatar
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    Re: Expected behaviour in relationship

    Personally - I think he made an error. He should have been sympathetic, not joined in by finding the remarks funny. This gives the impression that he devaluing her feelings.
    She has then over-reacted, but I don't blame her. I'd be furious as well.
    Society's to blame,
    Or possibly Atari.

  3. #3
    Moosing about! CAT-THE-FIFTH's Avatar
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    Re: Expected behaviour in relationship

    Maybe your mate should ask themselves,what if someone mocked them,and their partner supported the person mocking them.


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    HEXUS.timelord. Zak33's Avatar
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    Re: Expected behaviour in relationship

    Two directions (brace yourself... I'm feeling harsh today)


    Either..he's in the wrong relationship... or he would have naturally felt empathy with her, wouldn't he?
    He wouldn't have to try... or to act it.... or indeed to ignore her problems. He'd have already done what she wanted.

    or

    She's a natural born drama queen with a host of social media followers all swooning at her every word and giving it the large "you ok hun?" & "oh babes!!! luv u" ...cos that's a real thought too.

    but in both cases... the door's over there... it's just who walks through it.

    (might just be my hormones /\ that lot though)

    Quote Originally Posted by Advice Trinity by Knoxville
    "The second you aren't paying attention to the tool you're using, it will take your fingers from you. It does not know sympathy." |
    "If you don't gaffer it, it will gaffer you" | "Belt and braces"

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  7. #5
    Laird Of The Glen jimborae's Avatar
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    Re: Expected behaviour in relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Zak33 View Post
    Two directions (brace yourself... I'm feeling harsh today)


    Either..he's in the wrong relationship... or he would have naturally felt empathy with her, wouldn't he?
    He wouldn't have to try... or to act it.... or indeed to ignore her problems. He'd have already done what she wanted.

    or

    She's a natural born drama queen with a host of social media followers all swooning at her every word and giving it the large "you ok hun?" & "oh babes!!! luv u" ...cos that's a real thought too.

    but in both cases... the door's over there... it's just who walks through it.

    (might just be my hormones /\ that lot though)
    What he said, personally I'd get shot off her, tout suite.

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    Senior Member Bonebreaker777's Avatar
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    Re: Expected behaviour in relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Phage View Post
    Personally - I think he made an error. He should have been sympathetic, not joined in by finding the remarks funny. This gives the impression that he devaluing her feelings.
    She has then over-reacted, but I don't blame her. I'd be furious as well.
    Appreciating the reply and the different angle of view

    Quote Originally Posted by CAT-THE-FIFTH View Post
    Maybe your mate should ask themselves,what if someone mocked them,and their partner supported the person mocking them
    I don't think neither him nor me really considered this. Not sure how many other people has he asked but as I wasn't certain, I thought I rather ask others

    Quote Originally Posted by Zak33 View Post
    Two directions (brace yourself... I'm feeling harsh today)
    Either..he's in the wrong relationship... or he would have naturally felt empathy with her, wouldn't he?
    He wouldn't have to try... or to act it.... or indeed to ignore her problems. He'd have already done what she wanted.
    or
    She's a natural born drama queen with a host of social media followers all swooning at her every word and giving it the large "you ok hun?" & "oh babes!!! luv u" ...cos that's a real thought too.
    but in both cases... the door's over there... it's just who walks through it.
    (might just be my hormones /\ that lot though)
    Well, true, she might be more on the sensitive side but she has been in lock-down for the last 3 or 4 weeks, probably suffering a bit from it

    Quote Originally Posted by jimborae View Post
    What he said, personally I'd get shot off her, tout suite.
    Taken into consideration, thank you very much for the input

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