HEXUS 2021 - A Space Oddity

[sammyc]

(or, the stick your head in the sand, brexit-free, covid-free, line-at-a-time xmas story thread. knock yourselves out ).

After a year they would all rather forget, the HEXUS crew have struck out for pastures, or planets, new, in the spaceship Diskrecovery One. Under the omnipotent direction of HEXUS Antiqus Laptopicus, and after many days and nights spinning through space, the monotony was finally relieved when something other than the vast starry heavens could be seen on the televiewer. But what was it...?

[g8ina]

A blue box, spinning thru space *and* time ??

[TeePee]

With the goal of reaching Wuhan, China, in October of 2019, with McRibs for everyone....

[ik9000]

With the goal of reaching Wuhan, China, in October of 2019, with McRibs for everyone....

COVID FREE he said covid free.

[ik9000]

With the goal of reaching Wuhan, China, in October of 2019, with McRibs for everyone....

COVID FREE he said covid free.

whatever it was it was bright enough to lift Zak's eyes from hitting refresh on the GTX3000 series stock page (300 days in space with nothing to do but hit f5 and still 0 in stock...)

[sammyc]

and at the same moment "..I'm picking up a signal of some sort", said a minor dispensable-ensign type character, pressing a series of buttons. As the amplification increased, they looked at one another in disbelief.. unmistakably, it was the sound of..

[Output]

a man named Rick who was rolling along singing a notoriously familiar song.

[ik9000]

a man named Rick who was rolling along singing a notoriously familiar song.

The holographic ghost of Rick Parfit appears singing rocking all over the world, but the image is distorted, like there's something extra hidden in there...

[sammyc]

..the image shifts again & forms itself into Rick Wakeman playing selections from The Red Planet.. there's no longer any doubt, Rick Astley is the second-to-last time lord, and has absorbed all other Ricks to boost his powers.. before the full horror of this can sink in,

[ik9000]

.. it morphs into the cheeky girls who beg you to "touch [their derriers]"... is this just the epitomy of click bait or could this be required to start getting to the bottom of the intended actual message? You decide to...

[g8ina]

assassinate Lebit Opik, thus freeing up the cheeky girls from their lives of ...

[ik9000]

... abject misery (presumably)... the image pauses on a close-up of their rears with an awful loop of "touch my bum" on repeat that is grating so badly you have to intervene. You look around and check no-one is watching then reach out. The image flickers, then shrinks to a bright pulsing dot. The ghastly music finally stops, replaced by an angelic hum that crescendos as the dot grows in size and brightness...

[sammyc]

..after a rapid burst of diagnostic scans, the cause is pinpointed.. the growing brightness is the planet Flash, which is reaching its end of life and is about to go supernova. Are the various manifestations and signals some sort of cry for help, or..

[sammyc]

before that question can be pondered any further, the screen is filled with a blinding glare and at the same instant, a shadowy figure beams aboard - the shape is not quite fully formed, but it appears to be clutching a..

[ik9000]

digital image of a certain orange man. It glowers at you, grunting guttural snarls while it gestures wildly. Realising you're non-plussed the creature throws a small fish in your direciton, and motions to its ears. You put in the fish to your lobe (good thing you're well read in sci-fi) and hear the words "WTF is this trash? How does your race expect to be taken seriously if you choose rulers like this? Give my three good reasons why I should let you live earthling...

[sammyc]

..a sea of blank panicky faces greet this question and the crew members get in a huddle. "Three good reasons?" someone whispers, "um, there aren't three, are there.. we're going to have to bluff this one.. quick, what can we come up with?" "I've got one", said the bloke who'd come to fit the smart meter (though no-one could remember asking him), "how about..