Pancreatic cancer and me

[cheesemp]

I don't think I can add anything on top of what Saracen has just said but pleased its no news. Long may that continue.

Survival estimates are a real problem with cancer. A friends father is just about coming to the end after 5 years battling having originally been told he had months. On the other side of the coin a friends 15 year old passed away recently due to childhood leukemia after just a year even though he was told he should survive it initially (that one hit me hard and I couldn't even visit the funeral the other day as we have COVID currently). Horrible horrible disease (not that any are pleasant). I hope/pray they are underestimating in your case spacein_vader.

[Galant]

Results were that the tumour has neither grown nor shrunk. Based on that the average person in my position lives around 6 months from this point.

About the best news I could have hoped for. At least I get Christmas.

Any plans for Christmas/December?

[spacein_vader]

Any plans for Christmas/December?

Yes. Got the family and close friends all booked in to visit at various points between Christmas & New Year. Aim is to make it a big Christmas, a celebration of friends and family being together one last time. Planning on going to a place I love on the coast with my wife and parents in the new year too. Just hoping I make the end of January booking date!

My wife is thinking of changing how Christmas is done by us from next year. Her thinking is that pretending things are the same when they've changed helps nobody. They can make new traditions. I like that idea.

[cptwhite_uk]

Maybe you can record messages for your daughter(s), for them to watch on future birthdays/christmas etc. I know it's something I would do, so you could reflect on their future lives and somehow still be part of it?

[cheesemp]

Its good to hear how your planning good stuff for Christmas. Hope it all goes well and to plan. We're all thinking/praying/crossing fingers for you.

[ik9000]

Ditto. Much prayers etc from here. The video thing is a great idea. One thing someone I know did was write letters for key events in their future, 18/21 birthdays, wedding day, graduation, etc etc. Short and full of "I'm proud of you" or nuggets of wisdom etc. You can even play a joke and call first dibs on the wedding dance and insist everyone in the wedding party does the <select embarrassing dance routine of your liking> in your memory on her big day etc etc. A letter speech for the wedding meal was also a nice touch. The more dad jokes and anecdotes the better. It depends on your family of course etc I guess everyone is different but it was touching when that was read out.

[spacein_vader]

Maybe you can record messages for your daughter(s), for them to watch on future birthdays/christmas etc. I know it's something I would do, so you could reflect on their future lives and somehow still be part of it?

Considered this before but there's no way I could keep it together. We have been doing some interviews where they can ask me anything about my life and they're recorded so in 20 years they'll know the story of how I met their mum etc.

I am going to write letters to them, half to the girls I'll be leaving behind and the other half to the women they'll become. I won't set particular dates or events (don't want them to feel pressured into marrying cos dad wrote a letter for my wedding day etc) for them to be read though.

I don't want to give them too many reminders that I'm not there at big events, I'm sure they'll remember me in their own way anyway.

[cptwhite_uk]

Considered this before but there's no way I could keep it together. We have been doing some interviews where they can ask me anything about my life and they're recorded so in 20 years they'll know the story of how I met their mum etc.

I am going to write letters to them, half to the girls I'll be leaving behind and the other half to the women they'll become. I won't set particular dates or events (don't want them to feel pressured into marrying cos dad wrote a letter for my wedding day etc) for them to be read though.

I don't want to give them too many reminders that I'm not there at big events, I'm sure they'll remember me in their own way anyway.

Yes I'd never thought about the issues you raise and pressures you might be putting them under. I guess there's the need to move beyond your death, and acceptance. I think the balance you've struck sounds perfect.

[[GSV]Trig]

Rather than recording set things, I'd just go about your day, then when you think of something, be it a little story, or they've just done or said something that's had an effect on you, record something short, maybe setup a private Youtube channel and drop them all on there so things are easy to get too and harder to lose.

[spacein_vader]

My 2 daughters have been fantastic throughout this whole experience, stronger than their years. My youngest decided she wants to do something to help other people with cancer.

Through lockdown she's been growing her hair long, she's decided to have it cut short and donate it to a charity who use it to provide wigs to children who lose their hair due to cancer treatment. If any of you would like to sponsor her here's the Just Giving link. Thanks
https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/kate-waller8

[spacein_vader]

As an update, my daughter has raised nearly £1,750 an amount of money she told me she can't even imagine.

Seperately I've missed my last 2 chemo treatment dates as my blood results weren't strong enough, finally having it today.

Finally, I've decided what's really killing me isn't this cancer. It's the pain I see in my daughters eyes when I kiss them good night.

Nobody should lose a parent at their age, and they certainly shouldn't have to watch it happen in slow motion, knowing what's to come.

[jimbouk]

There's no right answer, or solution. You've just got to keep going when you can, and keep sharing.

I hope today doesn't hit you too hard.

[[GSV]Trig]

As a thought, if there are any sayings you use a lot, maybe get some prints done that can be dotted around the house, just little reminders perhaps?

"Leave the effin' heating alone - Dad"

That sort of thing..

[spacein_vader]

As a thought, if there are any sayings you use a lot, maybe get some prints done that can be dotted around the house, just little reminders perhaps?

"Leave the effin' heating alone - Dad"

That sort of thing..

One of the ideas in the bereavement boxes the kids were given by Macmillan was for the kids to interview me, asking things like what I remember from school, how I met their mum etc. We ran with that and decided to record it too, so they'd remember my voice. a lot of the questions are stuff they're not that interested in now but may want to know when they're older.

I'm also writing letters to them (and others,) to be read after I'm gone. The tricky bit is I'm really writing theirs to two different people; the girls I'm leaving behind, and the women they'll become.

It is my greatest regret that I'll never get to meet those women.

[Saracen999]

As a thought, if there are any sayings you use a lot, maybe get some prints done that can be dotted around the house, just little reminders perhaps?

"Leave the effin' heating alone - Dad"

That sort of thing..

"Don't forget to turn off the lights when you're last to leave the room". And "tidy your damn room or I'll chuck it all out the window".

And of course, the old classic "You call that music???" with liberal doses of "Turn that damn racket down. I can't hear myself think."

Projecting from my childhood? M'oi?

[spacein_vader]

In our gaff the kids are generally asking their mother to turn down the music.