Pancreatic cancer and me

[spacein_vader]

After alluding to it in my networking thread it's only fair I elaborate somewhat:

I started having discomfort in my stomach around the start of April which didn't go away. 2 months, a hospital stay, umpteen scans and an endoscopy later it was confirmed I've got stage 4 pancreatic cancer that has spread to my liver and lymph nodes.

I'm on a course of palliative chemotherapy in a week or two that may or may not buy me more time than the 3-12 months initially projected but I can't be cured. Currently the symptoms from the chemo are worse than the cancer, and I'm on 4 cancer side effect mitigation drugs and 7 to mitigate the chemo.

Going from "I'm fine" to "be dead inside a year" in such a short space of time has been a headscrew to put it mildly, especially as at 37 I'm still young enough to think death is forever away. Telling my wife was awful, telling my parents likewise, but nothing compared to the heartbreak of telling my 9 & 12 year old girls that Dad won't be around much longer.

Having had time to reflect I'm being as positive as I can and will be trying to squeeze in as many new memories with them as I can before my time is up. Life also gets much simpler when you know its going to be short, you stop caring about all sorts of things that once seemed important but are now trivial.

Which brings me to this place. Its been part of my life for a
few years now and its a brilliant community. Thank you all for making it so, even if I've argued with you or disagreed with you. I intend to carry on taking part in the various debates on here until I no longer can.

Make the most of life, and those you love most. You never know how long you'll have left with them.

[Jonj1611]

I am so so sorry mate, I can only imagine how difficult it has been for you and having kids myself I definitely know how hard it must have been telling them.

There are not many things that can be said in times like this but if you ever need anything do let us know. Will pray the chemo gives you more time and will be thinking of you.

[kalniel]

Thanks for posting, you're a star.

Pancreatic is one of those ones we know so little about - I was on a call only last week with some guys at Harvard Mel who are trying to apply AI to the problem.

[Ferral]

So sorry to hear this and thanks for sharing with the community.

Enjoy whatever time you have with your family and make the most of every minute.

[MrJim]

We’ve never met in person, & I’m not even sure we’ve ever exchanged very many messages on Hexus, but I was incredibly shocked & saddened by your post about your cancer diagnosis. Sometimes words just aren’t enough. Life really can be so cruel; I can’t begin to imagine what you & your family are going through, but you are all in my thoughts & prayers.

[g8ina]

37 ! That simply is not fair. Words otherwise fail me.

Feel free to PM me if you need any help in here, that much at least, I *can* do.
David

[Ravens Nest]

Life is short and long at the same time and I guess most of us just take our health for granted, I pray that God will give you healing so you can enjoy much more time with your wife and children than has currently been forecast.

I cant tell you what to do but I know from personal experience that forgiving people in your life that have wronged you and letting that go will help you ease any burdens you have allowing you more time to concentrate on your family as that is your most important thing.

I am wishing you all the best spacein_vader and f-off to the C word.

[vicar]

Dear spacein_vader, I am so heartbroken to read you post, words can't fully express what and all i want to say.

I am just going to wish you a comfortable life and enjoy you precious and happy moments with you family.

Regards.
Vicar

[AGTDenton]

How very sad and hard to read, I'm the same age and was diagnosed with stage 4 appendix cancer last year.
Mine having a curable outlook it's very hard to appreciate what you must be going through.

Well done for being open & honest about it and more so publicly, in a way communicating with strangers can make it that little bit easier to talk to the ones you know and love.

If you need any help or advice based on my own experiences, or just to garner some recommended shows to watch, I would be more than willing.

[Saracen999]

"Headscrew" is a good way to put it. There's not much anyone can say that'll help, especially given your age. and all I can suggest is to try to get to the point of acceptance, and to make every last minute count. And I'm sure you've already done that.

To everybody else, none of us know what's coming. Make the most of every day.

[[GSV]Trig]

Thats a lot rubbishrubbishrubbishrubbish

[CAT-THE-FIFTH]

Sorry to hear what has happened to both of you!

[kompukare]

Really sad news.

Very well written opening post, certainly makes you think.

So young makes it all the worse.

Hard to think or say, but cherish every moment.

[badass]

I'm so sorry to hear the news. I had no idea you are only 37.

[spacein_vader]

Thanks all for your kind words. I've had a couple of months to attempt to come to terms with it. Some days I do better with that than others.

The chemo at the minute is harder, more painful and more draining than the cancer but I dread the moment that changes.

Next month I have a scan. It'll be compared to the pre chemo scan to see if it's working. In turn that will give me a better idea how long I've got.

I'd really love one last Christmas with the family so hopefully the scan will give me that long. Pancreatic is so deadly because you often don't get symptoms till its too late. I started getting an upset stomach as the first sign in April, by which point I already had a 5cm tumour and spread.

I'm trying to make the most of every day, been medically retired, my death in service, pensions and life insurance have all paid out so the house is secure for my family. Trying to make as many memories as I can.

Mentally is the toughest part, but you keep going for those you love.

[cptwhite_uk]

If you have a gofundme or something spacein_vader, I'd love to donate. If you don't can we as a community do something for you? I'd love it if we could arrange something for you, have a think - maybe an event day we could fund or something?