Maths test for Comprehensive and Private schools
For the unaware, there is a slight difference between private schools
and comprehensives in Britain. The Department of Education has realised this and has revised the secondary Maths Exam papers accordingly.
Attached are the most recent maths exam papers for your reference.
MATHS TEST FOR COMPREHENSIVES
Name _____________________________
Nickname__________________________
Gang Name________________________
1. Simon has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Matt for 300
quid and 90 grams to Ollie for 90 quid, what is the street value of the
rest of his hold?
2. Damon pimps 3 bitches. If the price is GBP40 a ride, how many jobs
per day must each bitch perform to support Damon's GBP500 a day coke
habit?
3. Crackster wants to cut the kilo of cocaine he bought for 7,000 quid
to make a 20% profit. How many grams of Strychnine will he need?
4. Trev got 6 years for murder. He also got GBP350,000 for the hit. If
his common law wife spends GBP33,100 per month, how much money will be
left when he gets out?
Extra Credit Bonus: How much more time will Trev get for killing the
slapper that spent his money?
5. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square metres and the
average letter is 1 square metre, how many letters can be sprayed with
eight fluid ounce cans of spray paint with 20% extra paint free ?
6. Liam steals Jordan's skateboard. As Liam skates away at a speed of
35mph, Jordan loads his brother's Armalite. If it takes Jordan 20
seconds to load the gun, how far will Liam have travelled when he gets
whacked?
MATHS TEST FOR PRIVATE SCHOOLS
Name____________________________________________________________________
__
________________________________________________________________________
__
________________________________________________________________________
__
________________________________________________________________________
__
_______________________________________________________
(If longer please continue on a separate sheet)
School _______________________________________________
Daddy's/Mummy's Company ____________________________
1. Harry smashes up the old man's car, causing x amount of damage and
killing 3 people. The old man asks his local Chief Constable to
intervene in the court system, then forges his insurance claim and
receives a payment of y.
The difference between x and y is three times the life insurance
settlement for the three dead people. What kind of car is Harry driving
now?
2. Fiona's personal shopper decides to substitute generic and own-brand
products for the designer goods favoured by her employer. In the course
of a month she saves the price of a return ticket to Fiji and Fiona
doesn't even notice the difference. Is she thick or what?
3. Tristram fancies the TANGO off a certain number of debutants, but he
only has enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has 14
tablets of Rohypnol, how is he ever going to shag the other two thirds?
4. If Verity throws up 4 times a day for a week she can fit into a size
8 Versace. If she only throws up 3 times a day for two weeks, she has
to make do with a size 10 Dolce & Gabbana. How much does liposuction
cost?
5. Henry is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he fancies
women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners.
However he only has access to the Hoover every third week. When will he
stand for parliament?
