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Thread: Brain Rattling

  1. #1
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    Brain Rattling

    If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you've learned to speak
    fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on the
    lovely language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure,
    English lovers. Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

    1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
    2) The farm was used to produce produce.
    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
    4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
    5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
    6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
    7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
    present the present.
    8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum
    9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
    10) I did not object to the object.
    11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
    12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
    13) They were too close to the door to close it.
    14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
    15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
    17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
    18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
    19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
    20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests
    21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

    There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor
    pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French
    fries in France (Surprise!). Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads,
    which aren't sweet, are meat.

    Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
    neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but
    fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

    If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth be eth?
    One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn't it seem crazy that
    you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and
    ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an
    odd, or an end?

    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats
    vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people
    recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by
    ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

    How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man
    and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of
    a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which
    you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by
    going on.

    English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
    creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That
    is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights
    are out, they are invisible.

  2. #2
    HEXUS webmaster Steve's Avatar
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    /Head explodes

    That made me think too hard... and on a sunday too, sheesh!
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  3. #3
    Drop it like it's hot Howard's Avatar
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    If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth be eth?
    One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn't it seem crazy that
    you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and
    ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an
    odd, or an end?


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  4. #4
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    @ the English language.

    It's so full of crap.


  5. #5
    hexus.monkey monkeyville's Avatar
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    Stop messing with my head
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  6. #6
    Prize winning member. rajagra's Avatar
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    Surely the best one is flammable/inflammable.
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  7. #7
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    im confudled why cant one word mean one thing oohh my brain hurts now

  8. #8
    Now with added sobriety Rave's Avatar
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    Oh, so that's why 3/4 of the people in this country can't speak their own language properly. I used to think it was just idiocy.

  9. #9
    HEXUS.Metal Knoxville's Avatar
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    I thought it was just londoners that couldn't speak properly?

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    Tom
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    /me passes knoxeh a flameproof suit

  11. #11
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    That was a truly mind boggle!
    Love, Peace and Linux

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Knoxville
    I thought it was just londoners that couldn't speak properly?
    Ever been to N. America?

  13. #13
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    why? can they not speak either?


  14. #14
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    you didnt mention
    Park on driveways and drive on parkways


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