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    Washington Post

    I don't know whether people had seen these already, but I thought you might like them!

    The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.

    The following were some of this year's winning entries:

    1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

    2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .

    3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

    4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

    5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

    6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
    answer the door in your nightie.

    7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

    8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.

    9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

    10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

    11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

    12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

    13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish
    expressions.

    14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

    15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

    16. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.

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    Quote Originally Posted by magemanda
    9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
    The best by far


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    More:

    Foreploy: any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex.

    Fortissimoe: the musical moment produced when someone serially slaps the faces of the first-violin section.

    Tatyr: a lecherous Mr. Potato Head.

    Doltergeist: a spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your septic tank.

    Giraffiti: vandalism spray-painted very, very high, such as the famous "Surrender Dorothy" on the Beltway overpass.

    Sarchasm: the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.

    Necronancy: communication with the late Ernie Bushmiller.

    Contratemps: the resentment permanent workers feel toward the fill-in workers.

    Coiterie: a very very close-knit group.

    Whitetater: a political hot potato.

    Impotience: eager anticipation by men awaiting their Viagra prescription.

    Elepants: too-tight jeans on broad-beamed people.

    Lollapalooka: someone who has taken one too many turns in the mosh pit.

    Stupfather: Woody Allen.

    Reintarnation: coming back to life as a hillbilly.

    DIOS: the one true operating system.

    Inoculatte: to take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

    Thripp: a bug.

    Hipatitis: terminal coolness.

    Writer's tramp: a woman who practices poetic licentiousness.

    Goodzilla: a giant lizard that puts out forest fires by stamping on them.

    Taterfamilias: the head of the Potato Head family.

    Guillozine: a magazine for executioners.

    Osteopornosis: a degenerate disease.

    Adulatery: cheating on one's wife with a much younger woman who holds you in awe.

    Suckotash: a dish consisting of corn, lima beans and tofu.

    Emasculathe: a tool for castration.

    Sata: a mythical being who brings toys to bad children.

    Burglesque: a poorly planned break-in.(See: Watergate)

    Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.

    Genitaliar: an image-enhancing object that can be carried in a man's front pocket.

    Glibido: all talk and no action.

    Antifun gal: a prude.

    Vaseball: a game of catch played by children in the living room.

    Eunouch: the pain of castration.

    Hindkerchief: really expensive toilet paper; toilet paper at Buckingham Palace.

    Deifenestration: to throw all talk of God out the window.

    Hozone: the area around 14th Street.

    Acme: a generic skin disease.

    Dopeler effect: the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

    Hindprint: indentation made by a couch potato.

    Intaxication: euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

    Newtspaper: the Washington Times.

    Nazigator: an overbearing member of your carpool.

    Synapple: a perfect beverage to accompany brain food.

    Socceur: the proper spelling of the sport for the next four years, alas.

    I found those, then realised that a few of them were posted here before by Honoop:

    http://forums.hexus.net/showthread.php?t=40114

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