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Thread: Universal truths

  1. #1
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    Universal truths

    1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
    2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
    3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
    4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
    5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
    6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
    7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
    8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
    10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
    11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
    12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
    13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
    14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
    15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
    16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
    17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
    18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the
    first given opportunity.
    19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
    20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
    21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
    22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
    23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
    24) You never ever run out of salt.
    25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
    26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
    27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
    28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
    29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
    30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
    31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
    32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood
    specifically to stir paint with.
    33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
    34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
    35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.


    PS:
    I think i must've done something wrong, as no one is posting in a thread after me...

    PS 2:
    Will stop posting random threads for now, and have decided that the time is to blame for ^^.

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    I disagree.

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    30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
    I would say lego.
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    No more Mr Nice Guy. Nick's Avatar
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    I would say a black scorpion... or a blue ringed octopuss....
    Quote Originally Posted by Dareos View Post
    "OH OOOOHH oOOHHHHHHHOOHHHHHHH FILL ME WITH YOUR.... eeww not the stuff from the lab"

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    Don't feed the trolls... tiggerai's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nick
    I would say a black scorpion... or a blue ringed octopuss....
    DO you have those in your home?

    Didn't think they were native in the wilds of buckinghamshire.

    EDIT: the one that i like that i don't think is on there is that moles are always smaller than you think.

  6. #6
    No more Mr Nice Guy. Nick's Avatar
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    Well that the thing see, we're not in Bucks, we're in Beds... so no, they're not native to Bucks... they're not native to BEds either but when Whipsnade Zoo is less than a mile away we tend to see a bit more of a variety of wildlife... wallabies are a common occurence, as has been the odd snake and even a colony of leaf cutter ants...
    Quote Originally Posted by Dareos View Post
    "OH OOOOHH oOOHHHHHHHOOHHHHHHH FILL ME WITH YOUR.... eeww not the stuff from the lab"

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    Don't feed the trolls... tiggerai's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nick
    Well that the thing see, we're not in Bucks, we're in Beds... so no, they're not native to Bucks... they're not native to BEds either but when Whipsnade Zoo is less than a mile away we tend to see a bit more of a variety of wildlife... wallabies are a common occurence, as has been the odd snake and even a colony of leaf cutter ants...
    Oh ok, i'll let you off then.

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    Going Retro!!! Ferral's Avatar
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    How about another one :

    Everytime you get in the bath or shower or are half nekkid (just got up) the phone rings (Just happened to me !)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Elyk
    1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
    And Coke tastes best when drunk straight from a glass bottle. Fact!

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    Don't feed the trolls... tiggerai's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ferral
    How about another one :

    Everytime you get in the bath or shower or are half nekkid (just got up) the phone rings (Just happened to me !)
    Doesn't matter if you're nekkid, it's the phone.

    If it's the Door, now that's a different kettle of fish.

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    mutantbass head Lee H's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tiggerai
    Doesn't matter if you're nekkid, it's the phone.

    If it's the Door, now that's a different kettle of fish.
    Thats one quick way to get rid of the Jehovah's Witnesses or door to door sales people.

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    saving money by buying cheap toilet rolls is a false economy. salmonella taught me this the hard way.
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    Ah, Mrs. Peel! mike_w's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elyk
    1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
    Indeed. Kez made a nice long thread about this some time ago. Ah, here we are: http://forums.hexus.net/showthread.php?t=21712.

    Quote Originally Posted by Elyk
    17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
    I'm sure you'd be much more embarassed if you pulled down your trousers and waved your posterior while shouting that you quite like the KKK and Hitler was a brilliant guy.

    Quote Originally Posted by Elyk
    19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
    You mean when you visit the hospital?

    Quote Originally Posted by Elyk
    28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
    Mine are from the dry cleaners.

    Quote Originally Posted by Elyk
    30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
    Somebody at home once put a chair leg straight down onto one of my toes for a dozen seconds or so. It turned black. It was more painful than stepping on a plug.

    Quote Originally Posted by Elyk
    33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
    Nope, never. Most of my Uncles don't live in this country, the other I rarely see.

    Still, most are true
    "Well, there was your Uncle Tiberius who died wrapped in cabbage leaves but we assumed that was a freak accident."

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    MAS
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    Quote Originally Posted by schmunk
    And Coke tastes best when drunk straight from a glass bottle. Fact!
    100% correct. Coke connoisseur here.

  15. #15
    Xcelsion... In Disguise. Xaneden's Avatar
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    Lol, so very true.

    Oh and btw WildmonkeyUK, the easiest way to get rid of a Jehovah's Witness is to tell them you work at a blood bank.
    New Sig on the Way...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Xcelsion
    Lol, so very true.

    Oh and btw WildmonkeyUK, the easiest way to get rid of a Jehovah's Witness is to tell them you work at a blood bank.

    Or answer the door in your PJ's they give you literature and run away. (Has worked for me twice now)

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