101 Things You Do Not Want Your System Administrator to Say

[Stringent]

# Uh-oh...
# Sh*t!
# What the hell?
# Go get your backup tape. (You do have a backup tape?)
# That’s SOOOOO bizarre.
# Wow! Look at this...
# Hey! The suns don’t do this.
# Terminated?
# What software license?
# Well, it’s doing something...
# Wow... that seemed fast...
# I got a better job at Lockheed...
# Management says...
# Sorry, the new equipment didn’t get budgeted.
# What do you mean that wasn’t a copy?
# It didn’t do that a minute ago...
# Where’s the GUI on this thing?
# Damn, and I just bought that pop...
# Where’s the DIR command?
# The drive ate the tape but that’s OK, I brought my screwdriver.
# I cleaned up the root partition and now there’s lots of free space.
# What’s this “any” key I’m supposed to press?
# Do you smell something?
# What’s that grinding sound?
# I have never seen it do that before...
# I think it should not be doing that...
# I remember the last time I saw it do that...
# You might as well all go home early today...
# My leave starts tomorrow.
# Ooops.
# Hmm, maybe if I do this...
# “Why is my “rm *.o” taking so long?”
# Hmmm, curious...
# Well, my files were backed up.
# What do you mean you needed that directory?
# What do you mean /home was on that disk? I umounted it!
# Do you really need your home directory to do any work?
# Oracle will be down until 8pm, but you can come back in and finish your work when it comes up tonight.
# I didn’t think anybody would be doing any work at 2am, so I killed your job.
# Yes, I chowned all the files to belong to pvcs. Is that a problem to you?
# We’re standardizing on AIX.
# Wonder what this command does?
# What did you say your (l)user name was...? ;-)
# You did what to the floppy???
# Sorry, we deleted that package last week...
# NO! Not that button!
# Uh huh... “nu -k $USER”.. No problem...sure thing...
# Sorry, we deleted that package last week...
# [looks at workstation] “Say, what version of DOS is this running?”
# Oops! (said in a quiet, almost surprised voice)
# YEEEHA!!! What a CRASH!!!
# What do you mean that could take down the whole network?
# What’s this switch for anyways...?
# Tell me again what that ‘-r’ option to rm does
# Say, what does “Superblock Error” mean, anyhow?
# If I knew it wasn’t going to work, I would have tested it sooner.
# Was that your directory?
# System coming down in 0 min....
# The backup procedure works fine, but the restore is tricky!
# Hey Fred, did you save that posting about restoring filesystems with vi and a toothpick? More importantly, did you print it out?
# OH, SH*T! (as they scrabble at the keyboard for ^c).
# The sprinkler system isn’t supposed to leak is it?
# It is only a minor upgrade, the system should be back up in a few hours. (This is said on a Monday afternoon.)
# I think we can plug just one more thing in to this outlet strip without tripping the breaker.
# What is all this I here about static charges destroying computers?
# I found this rabbit program that is supposed to test system performance and I have it running now.
# Ummm... Didn’t you say you turned it off?
# The network’s down, but we’re working on it. Come back after dinner. (Usually said at 2200 the night before thesis deadline...)
# Ooops. Save your work, everyone. FAST!
# Boy, it’s a lot easier when you know what you’re doing.
# I hate it when that happens.
# And what does it mean ‘rm: .o: No such file or directory’?
# Why did it say ‘/bin/rm: not found’?
# Nobody was using that file /vmunix, were they?
# You can do this patch with the system up...
# What happens to a Hard Disk when you drop it?
# The only copy of Norton Utilities was on THAT disk?
# Well, I’ve got a backup, but the only copy of the restore program was on THAT disk....
# What do mean by “fired”?
# Hey, what does mkfs do?
# OK, let’s set cron to clear out the user’s home directories every night...
# Where did you say those backup tapes were kept?
# ...and if we just swap these two disc controllers like this...
# Don’t do that, it’ll crash the sys... SH*T
# What’s this hash prompt on my terminal mean?
# dd if=/dev/null of=/vmunix
# find /usr2 -name nethack -exec rm -f {}
# Now it’s funny you should ask that, because I don’t know either
# Any more trouble from you and your account gets moved to the 750
# Ooohh, lovely, it runs SVR4
# SMIT makes it all so much easier...
# Can you get VMS for this Sparc thingy?
# I don’t care what he says, I’m not having it on my network
# We don’t support that. We won’t support that.
# ...and after I patched the microcode...
# You’ve got TECO. What more do you want?
# We prefer not to change the root password, it’s an nice easy one
# Just add yourself to the password file and make a directory...
# Next week we’re ditching these UNIX machines and moving to Windows NT. Now won’t that be exciting?
# I don’t care if your machine’s crashed! I just lost another life!
# When I were a lad I’d have given an arm and a leg for that much filestore.

[EvilMunky]

i use these for a laugh!

[Dougal]

What you really don't want is

"Get the fire extinguisher"

[Steve]

What you really don't want is

"Get the fire extinguisher"

You've obviously not heard my story about the exploding printer, have you?

[EvilMunky]

the thing i hate about printers - is that when your carrying on of the big mofo colour laser printers with someone else and they let go thus dropping the whole thing to the floor - and freakishly causing the yellow cartridge to explode in a cloud of yellowness, its a pain to clean up !

[Dougal]

I still laugh whenever the topic of Mice and printers is bought up.

And necrophillic mice make me feel weird (yes I do have proof)

[Kaine (AoD)]

I still laugh whenever the topic of Mice and printers is bought up.

And necrophillic mice make me feel weird (yes I do have proof)

hmm interesting *takes note*

[Tumble]

the thing i hate about printers - is that when your carrying on of the big mofo colour laser printers with someone else and they let go thus dropping the whole thing to the floor - and freakishly causing the yellow cartridge to explode in a cloud of yellowness, its a pain to clean up !

unless it's a ricoh, in which case the magenta will pop aaanyway - it's far worse when the silicon oil in em leaks all over the stairs and you step on it...

[Matt1eD]

lol

mmmmmmmn. yellowness.... you could have sold the whole thing/area after smashing it up with a sledge hammer to the tate modern for a fortune.

when dealing with some friends computers I've been guilty of saying that... then plan B. normally have three plans for most things.

1. the easy way
2. the longer way
3. and the heck it takes me too long way so I walk off

[muddyfox470]

these lasers dont half get hot

i am currently working in an office and well after printing a document of a couple of hundred pages, the printer and paper feel like they should be smoking and there isnt a good smell from them!

no fires yet tho!

ian

on another note the same document that was printing got sort of corrupted somehow, irrecoverable, except for the trusty back-up[ that occurs on thursday night! THANK YOU! - so finally got it from the back-up let this be a lesson back up your sh*t

also for the above 101 lists, i think sh*t was used a lot!