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Thread: Thinking of singing any Christmas carols this year??

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    Thinking of singing any Christmas carols this year??

    Well, make sure you've read and understood the following HSE guidlines (and got all the correct paperwork)

    The Rocking Song

    Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;

    We will lend a coat of fur,

    We will rock you, rock you, rock you,

    We will rock you, rock you, rock you:




    Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of
    allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a
    nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be
    considered a suitable alternative.
    Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records
    Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby
    Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times
    and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking
    commences.





    Jingle Bells

    Dashing through the snow

    In a one horse open sleigh

    O'er the fields we go

    Laughing all the way




    A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered
    safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must
    also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a
    venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please
    note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their
    fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we
    would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be
    considered a noise nuisance.






    While shepherds watched

    While shepherds watched

    Their flocks by night

    All seated on the ground

    The angel of the Lord came down

    And glory shone around




    The Union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches health and
    safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without
    appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches,
    stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also
    requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of
    year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally
    heated shepherd observation huts.
    Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his /
    her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have
    been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of
    UVA, UVB and Glory.





    Little Donkey

    Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road

    Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load




    The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load
    that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in
    the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and
    how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period.
    Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty
    road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent
    inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his
    discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply
    referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof
    may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.





    We Three Kings

    We three kings of Orient are

    Bearing gifts we traverse afar

    Field and fountain, moor and mountain

    Following yonder star




    Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be
    redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold'
    etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the
    potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A
    suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause
    in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher.We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by
    stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC
    routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest
    route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the
    guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three
    kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for
    the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from
    the camels hooves.





    Rudolph the red nosed reindeer

    Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer

    had a very shiny nose.

    And if you ever saw him,

    you would even say it glows.




    You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is
    inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness
    of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R
    Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and
    disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this
    offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions -
    including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this
    investigation takes place.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Quentos
    "My udder is growing. Quick pass me the parsely sauce." Said Oliver.

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