A strange time...

[Kezzer]

Recently has been a strange time for me, so i'd firstly like to show my appreciation to all of HEXUS, both community and staff. The reason for this is because at the end of a day I can come home and fall back on HEXUS for not just support, but great support from a whole community.

Well as many of you may know as of recent I've had many family problems which contrary to popular belief actually got much worse. My father cheated on my mother, 26 years worth of marriage, a great family a great house and so on and so forth. This had created much mishap within the family and caused much pain to all of us as it was so unexpected. My parents came to the decision that they'd sort things out and try and make it work but after this constant fights abrubted into acts of violence which ended up in me having to intervene with my father in order to protect my mother. In fact I had to hold up my dad by the throat in order for him to let go of my mum because he wouldn't, now bear in mind my dad is a colour seargent and not the kind of guy you'd want to mess with. This kind of abuse carried on (please bear in mind my dad does have manic depression which is basically Dr Jeckyl and Mr Hyde).

So this carried on and on for a good while whilst I was back at home and I was glad to get away knowing that my brother was moving into my room as I was moving out so there would be a degree of protection within the home. Damn was I wrong.

The other week we found out my Grandfather had stomach cancer, upon further inspection it was an aggresive form which had spread through his body, nothing can be done. This obviously raised the stress levels of my father as his parents mean a lot to him.

(please note I wasn't at home or in my home-land at the time)
So, the other night my father came home as per usual, had a bath but went straight to bed without talking to my mum. My mum went to the bedroom and queried him on his odd behaviour to which he started getting angry and telling my mum that she's accusing him of cheating again (he is still cheating and was at the time, we have hard proof). Moments later he got EXTREMELY angry and became EXTREMELY violent and smashed everything he could find up in the house, and he completely turned the place into a garbage can. Shortly after he became aggressive towards my mother and assaulted her unto which my brother stepped in (body builder) where I brawl broke out. He then used such force to tear my brothers shirt completely off his back and attempted to throw him down the stairs. My mum's exact words to me were "if the police hadn't arrived when they did, he would've killed your brother". My brothers words were "if he had a weapson he would've used it". The police were called out, it took 6 policeman to hold him down he was going so crazy, the police were gobsmacked at how violent he had become. He went on to assault four of the police officers I believe.

Alas he was thrown into jail and a withstraining order has been held against him so he can't speak to any of us or go near us. The guy has gone completely off the rails, I thought I knew my father but no way could I see this coming

Anyway, my mum filed for a divorce and something else which will stop him coming back after the court case against him. He's looking at 6 - 9 months in prison, definitely losing his job as he's a prison warden now. Mum is selling the house and we have to get rid of all our cats since rented places in Guernsey don't allow pets. Mum got her endownment out to clear herself of all her debts, she's getting a two bedroom flat with my brother (i'm over there 4 months a year but I can kip on the floor).

No way was I expecting this. So in the same week, i've typically lost all i've known of a father, i've had my brother almost killed by my dad, my mum assaulted, the house being sold, my parents divorcing, finding out my grandpa is dying with only 1 - 2 weeks to live and all the cats being given away. Humph.

Today I just couldn't think straight so I've decided to turn a new leaf, it's what I need I think. Tonight I took out both my lip piercings, one has been there for 3 years and meant a lot to me (don't ask why).

Still, not a good way to start my second year of uni.

Has anyone else been in the same situation?

Cheers
kezzer

[Knoxville]

wow, dunno quite what to say dude sounds like you've got more to deal with in a week than most of us would in a year. I havn't been through anything like what you have so all I can say Is I hope things for you and your family and that you can all pull together and support each other over the next few months while the pieces are put back together.

[cptwhite_uk]

You're a familiar name to me on these boards kezzer. I'm really sad to hear about all this just try and be strong and don't be ashamed to use any outlet it takes to get you through this, there is no shame in that, Including talking through it on any forums - I'm a member of a number of forums and I find them all a kind of extended family, hexus definately has a community feel so I'm sure I'm talking for everyone when I say I hope things get better for you soon! Take it easy.

[zachig]

I'm sending my condolences to you. Just try to be strong. And remember that all the forum members are here for you, to listen and give support. I think that writing what's on your heart in a forum helps a lot. It's always good to know that there is someone who listen.

Although I've never been in a situation like yours, I can (partially) what you're going through. All I can tell you is always look forward and try to find the good things in life!!!

Hoping to here ONLY good news from you next time.

Best wishes and regards,
zachig.

[IBM]

Kezzer ... I almost didn't post, because nothing I've seen, or know of, could possibly help me relate to all the things you're going through. But that's not what Hexus is about, staying quiet isn't it, so I'd just like to offer up my support, condolences, and genuine concern for you and your family as you deal with everything. From what you say, and how you're handling it, you do us proud.

[Skii]

I really don't know what to say, but I'm really sorry to hear that mate , I hope it all works out soon.

Hang in there.

John

[Kezzer]

Thanks guys, I really appreciate the comments

The worst part of it is that my father is putting the family to shame, all of that will be printed in our local newspaper back at home, everyone will know what has happened.

cptwhite, you're right, hexus does feel like an extended family.

Today I think i'm going to go buy a new wardrobe with money I don't have to cheer me up

[shiato storm]

Kezzer my man... I know many will read your post and not know how to react, quite so since its an unfortunate series of events, but I hope I share the sentiments of many, and reply on behalf of those that don't know how to, that I'm truely sorry to hear things aren't going great for you and that I hope it all works out for you and your family in the end. I also hope I, and everyone else here at Hexus, can proove to be worthy distractions and lighten up your days when things are difficult and perhaps offer solutions to help you out when ever you may need it...I know you'll only have loads of support from the guys (and girls!) here.
so take it easy and things will start to pick up...

p.s. retail therapy with money you don't have = always brings a smile to my face

[Kezzer]

I also hope I, and everyone else here at Hexus, can proove to be worthy distractions and lighten up your days when things are difficult

p.s. retail therapy with money you don't have = always brings a smile to my face

Two very true points, Hexus does make me smile when I see the crazy posts by either Zak or Pyle and indeed, retail therapy could well be a solution (we'll find out today anyway )

[Nick F]

Sorry to hear that mate, I went through all that kind of stuff when I was back in secondary school ending up with my Dad dying of Cancer in January of this year. It's hard but as humans we are strong and can cope with a large amount of stress.

I'm sure things will get better just make sure you put all your effort into your study.

You know where I am if you wanna chat.

[Nemeliza]

Kezz u are a soldier, These sort of times are the hardest but they will make u a stronger person!

Take up a hobby, try going to the gym, it is actually a very good way to relax/vent if you can moivate yourself. And apparently its good for you too, well so they say

Oh and try to laugh, very relaxing. TV/DVD's/Friends/Games good for this.

Fight on

[steve threlfall]

Kezzer thats really harsh mate

I cant imagine how this is making you feel and i dont know what to say really. Just keep talking about it, theres loads of great people here to offer you support

[Kezzer]

Kezz u are a soldier, These sort of times are the hardest but they will make u a stronger person!

They do make me stronger, a lot stronger.

You see my main hobby where I take out my anger is squash and I love it as a sport, the only problem with this is I've only ever played squash with my dad, he trained me fully so it's kind of awkward.

Cheers for the rest of the comments peeps

[TiG]

Well let me say that i'm glad you feel that hexus is home enough to share personal stuff like that. I mean i'm the same a problem shared is a problem halved normally, but its probably a problem shared between a thousand now

All i hope is that you can have time to try and cope with one thing at a time, remember its not something you need to deal with all yourself, and as much as you feel upset that it will be public knowledge, it will be forgotten very quickly.

My thoughts are with you.

TiG

[Grey M@a]

Well Kezzer, I can relate to the violent father routine, when I was younger my dad used to take belts, blockss of wood etc to my brother and I, he used to beat my mother around whic I witnessed quite a few times as a kid. He left us when I turned 11, I am 24 now and I have never seen him socially since. He's a pain in the arse, he still calls all these years on to cause trouble. He has jumped me once at a cash machine and booted my ribs cracking 3 in the process, this resulted in an all out brawl in the middle of town with me leaving him on the floor and me dragging myself to hospital. He's threatened to kill my mother, he's caused problems for me when I was at university calling them and taking crap to which I was questioned a few times for. He's an outright fool and he is determined on wrecking everything myself, my brother and mother have. Even as a kid I got crap off him, I have a cigerette burn on my left hand when he stubbed it out on me when I was 4, people say I should get over it, and people are shocked when I say I couldn't care if he was dead because thats the way it is. Kirkabus and Broadieman on these forums have seen the rage build up when we are in the pub and there he is just staring, a friend of mine had to hold me back as I lifted a bar stool to smack hit with it. Its hard, you go through 11 years of life watching your dad smack about the people you love. The shocking thing for a lot of people is when they realise that I see my uncle as more of a father than my real dad ever was.

All I can say Kezzer is that it will get better. At the end of the day he's your father, and who know's if like me you can just cut him off and get on with it. There is no excuse for a father to beat the living day light out of his family, there is no excuse at all.

[Kezzer]

Indeed, there is no excuse at all, sucks about your situation though. I don't intend to speak to him, he constantly makes promises that the problem won't re-occur but alas it just happens again and again. This time we just won't speak to him, he can deal with whatever he wants, we'll deal with whatever we want. He'll probably call me mind you, I can count on that.