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Thread: Bill Gates and Hell

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    Bill Gates and Hell

    Bill Gates dies and goes to Hell. Satan greets him and says, "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever."

    Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of fine wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner.

    Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."

    "Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room.

    Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.

    "That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all?"

    "That's what everyone thinks," snickered Satan. "But the bottle has a hole in it!"

    "Why the PC?", he continued ", "It's got the latest version of Windows and it's missing three keys!"

    "Which three?" said Lucifer.

    "Control, Alt and Delete!"

  2. #2
    radix lecti dave87's Avatar
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    lol classic

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    mutantbass head Lee H's Avatar
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    heard that one before.

    Saying that - with all the cash he's donated to charity and the malaria charity he's set up he'll be going upstairs... if there is one but that's another thread

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    Loves duck, Peking Duck! bsodmike's Avatar
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    True, he is pretty generous, and tbh he is 'the' most succesful person on the planet (if you only consider wealth as a measure of success). I doubt he'll go to hell for Windows, but they probably run linux down there anyways (which would torture him plenty..)

    "Evil the devil runs linux..."

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    Classic joke but i don’t understand all the fuss bout Gates, to me he is an amazing guy that followed the Software way when everybody was busy counting transistors.

    Now boys can u see the slow old lady using a pc in our local tax council or the mate that draggs u to fix his pc just cause it doesn’t boot (soon u find a floppy in his drive), well consider if they would use linux or an mac OS I can ensure u your life would be harder

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    never hear it before, but its funny

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    I shall never tire... BEANFro Elite's Avatar
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    If you're an evil person, surely you'd be welcomed into hell?

    Meh, I've heard something like that before but it was a spoof news article on the enquirer or something

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    "You're my wife now!" Ravens Nest's Avatar
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    This is my personal favourite billl gates joke..
    (But it's not quite the version i heard, that was a better version)

    Bill Gates passed away and found himself in the ante-room between Heaven and Hell. The admitting Angel was surprised to see him and said there was some sort of mix-up in his file. After unsuccessfully trying to solve the mix-up, the Angel told Bill Gates that they would allow him to make his own choice as to whether he went to Heaven or Hell.

    Gates was then seated in front of two computers: one labeled "Heaven" and one labeled "Hell."

    The "Heaven" monitor showed streets paved in gold with many smiling people gathered in clusters singing beautiful hymns. Lovely harp music filled the air and the sky was filled with soft, puffy white clouds.

    The "Hell" monitor showed a white sand beach with a sparkling blue ocean gently lapping on the shore. There were many beautiful young women in tiny bikini's strolling the beach, lying in the sand and playing volleyball and having a lot of fun.

    Gates looked at both scenes for awhile and then thought to himself, "Hell really does look pretty great." He told the Angel he chose to go to Hell, and he was immediately sent down.

    Quite awhile later, the admitting Angel was making his customary rounds of Heaven and Hell, checking on the daily routines. He saw Bill Gates and went over to speak to him. Gates was chained to a wall. He was dirty and thin. His body was covered in festering sores and he was groaning in great pain. The Angel said, "You know, I could not understand why you chose Hell when you could have gone to Heaven. You, of course, are suffering the consequences of Hell."

    Gates looked at the Angel with tormented eyes and said, "Where are the beautiful girls? Where is the white sand beach and the sparkling blue ocean? Where is all the fun?"

    The Angel said, "Oh, that. Well, you were looking at the MicroHell Screen Saver..."
    "Mmm... I want you for my wife!"
    "Autom...Sprow...Canna...Tik banna...Sandwol...But no sera smee?"
    "Of course you can. We would love for you to join us."

  9. #9
    "You're my wife now!" Ravens Nest's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by XA04
    Bill Gates dies and goes to Hell. Satan greets him and says, "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever."

    Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of fine wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner.

    Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."

    "Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room.

    Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.

    "That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all?"

    "That's what everyone thinks," snickered Satan. "But the bottle has a hole in it!"

    "Why the PC?", he continued ", "It's got the latest version of Windows and it's missing three keys!"

    "Which three?" said Lucifer.

    "Control, Alt and Delete!"
    Just found a slightly better version of that joke, hope you dont mind...
    The US Justice Department, unable to sentence Bill Gates to any meaningful economic fine decided that his punishment would be more severe and sentenced him to eternity in Hell.

    Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Frankly releasing Windows 95 two years early, would by itself, have landed you here. But enough of that.

    "You've arrived on a day when I'm in a good mood, so I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever." Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are being tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are being chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a beautiful young woman with an alluring look on her face, at a table on which there is a bottle of the finest wine. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner.

    Without hesitation thinking he outsmarted the devil, Bill says "I'll take this option."

    "Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan then locks the door. As Satan turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.

    "That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best room in the house?"

    "That's what everyone thinks," snickered Satan. "The vintage bottle of wine you see - It has a hole in it. That beautiful young lady - she doesn't."

    "What about the PC?"

    "Oh, If you look carefully, you'll see that it crashed!" laughed Satan. "And it's missing three keys."

    "Which three?"

    "Control, Alt and Delete."
    "Mmm... I want you for my wife!"
    "Autom...Sprow...Canna...Tik banna...Sandwol...But no sera smee?"
    "Of course you can. We would love for you to join us."

  10. #10
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    I don't mind, I thought the last one was not as good as the first one I posted. But the first one you posted was good

  11. #11
    "You're my wife now!" Ravens Nest's Avatar
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    thanks XA04, the joke i posted earlier had a better ending.

    When bill went down instead of being greeted by bikini clad ladys and golden sands he was being tortured and stabbed with pitch-forks by demons..

    So when the angel came down to hell to visit gates, bill complained saying "What happened?, this isnt what hell looked like before!!"

    The Angel replied "The version you had seen earlier was an early beta and not the finished product"
    Last edited by Ravens Nest; 28-05-2006 at 11:17 PM.
    "Mmm... I want you for my wife!"
    "Autom...Sprow...Canna...Tik banna...Sandwol...But no sera smee?"
    "Of course you can. We would love for you to join us."

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    Senior Member pr0p4g4nd4's Avatar
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    HAHA, they're all great XD

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