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Thread: A common language in the EU

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    A common language in the EU

    The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than French, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, and strongly lobbied for by the German government and the new member Austria, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish":

    In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make Sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
    There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horble mes of the silent "e” ‘s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away.

    By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" vith "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of rubbishrubbishrubbishrubbish be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer bil be no mor trubls of difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

    Ze drem vil finali kum tru

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    Lucca Der Tuv (LCD) mart_haj86's Avatar
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    ROFL very funny, but too much for my brain to take in on a monday morning.

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    Seems to an alteration of the original version

    The European Union Commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish.

    In the first year "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter. There will be growing public enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the memoval of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go. By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz yeaar, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of rubbishrubbishrubbishrubbish be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters, und, efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst place.

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    think I saw Parm's first, but it's done the rounds so many times it's not suprising there's more than one version
    sig removed by Zak33

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    Does he need a reason? Funkstar's Avatar
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    this must be as old as email

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    Senior Member kasavien's Avatar
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    lol, i started reading it thinking it was serious untill about half way down

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    heh, me too...
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    Quote Originally Posted by kasavien
    lol, i started reading it thinking it was serious untill about half way down
    lol same mate

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    hehehe, whoopsee!

    This is pretty ancient but I saw the thread about 'How we talk' and that reminded me of this. I always thought it was a funny read so figured I'd put it up for those few (very few) who haven't read it already.

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    Senior Member FatalSaviour's Avatar
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    Heheh, very good
    Quote Originally Posted by Noni
    What the hell does "WTH" mean


  11. #11
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    Lol. I too almost beleived it for the first couple of lines

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