Drunken stories, tales and exploits

[iranu]

Having read the "How much can you drink thread" it reminded me of some of the funny stories that I have been involved in or told. All occured whilst under the influence of course. Here's the first but I have a couple more.

I had two friends who lived in Portsmouth who liked a bit of a bevvy. One night they decided to go out on the razz and as usual ended up a bit worse for wear. During the night they had gone their separate ways and at some point decided they had better get back home and safely tucked up in bed. Anyone who knows Southsea will know that alot of the streets look the same with lots of terraced houses and this somewhat confused our intrepid duo.

Ben found, to his immense frustration, that his key did not work in the lock. No matter how hard he tried it just wouldn't go in. As a native pissed scouser he used a bit of ingenuity and forced the front window open and climbed in. He was so drunk that he couldn't be bothered with the stairs so crashed out on the couch.....

Meanwhile Rob was having difficulty locating his abode. All the streets looked the same and he'd been staggering round in circles for what felt like hours. He tried to get directions from passers by but he might just aswell have been speaking Swahili. Tired, desperate and very drunk he sought some refuge.....

The morning after.

Ben woke up on the couch, bleary eyed, with an abysmal hangover. He could hear some stirring from upstairs and was desperate for a glass of water so he got up off the couch and prompty realised........This is not my house!

He tip-toed to the front door and quitely let himself out feeling very guilty as he walked past the forced window. He had stayed the night in another number 27 one street down from his house.

Rob woke up under a parked car. At 10am. With something rather nasty in the seat of his trousers. With a gargantuan hangover he quietly waddled the 20 minutes back to his home vowing never to drink again.

Other stories such as "Sandy and the 15 pints" and "The Bazooka" to follow.

I am sure you have a few to tell aswell.

[Bazzlad]

For me there's always the 15 computer monitors off the roof of a recording studio...(Have some video evidence too ) Or the walking around Stoke pissed finding a FRIDGE and two "genuine tough guys" making them carry it to Signal Radio's front door and placing it there, with a hoover, 2 tyres and a broken keyboard. On video Ginger Dave inside the fridge screaming "I'm in the fridge, I'm in the fridge."


Hmmm. Maybe you had to be there.

[mallett]

great thread!!

one of the only that i can remember is on a night of campus 14 in nottingham uni with about 20 or so other people. this is after about 10 or so bars so everyone was well on the way but inbetween halls we stumbled accross a large hedge and all agreed that it would be a fantastic idea to jump through it. this started well when the first few people jumped clear over but then things started to hot up when some guy (cant actually remember his name, was friend of a friend sort of thing) mistimed his jump and ended up going head over heals doing some sort of flip in mid air as his feet hit the hedge on there way through. being drunk it obviously didnt hurt so he went again not satisfied that he had cleared the hedge. now its worth noting that his first attempt was from the car park to the field so his second go was the other way. he deduced that he didnt have a bigenough run up so moving well beack he started to charge. he timed his jump much better this time and happily cleard the top of the hedge, however as he was more intrested in the fact that we were all watching him he didnt look where he was going and landed on the only car in the carpark, denting the bonnet and cracking the windscreen and damaging his wrist.......

but like the tropper he was he continued on the pub crawl to find the next day that he had broken his wrist and was in plaster for a few weeks

[noTHINGface]

Iranus tale reminded me of one from when I was at Stoke Polly - same thing, too drunk, broke into another students house on Mellor road with my mate thinking it was a friends pad. I couldn't find the swanny and had an 'accident', borrowed a pair of jeans hanging in the corner of the room (they were damp so guess it was a student drying pile). Woke up a while later (couldnt be sure how much time had passed) by a shouting girl and we were duly ejected. I kept the jeans though.

[Knoxville]

One that springs to mind is quite a recent one actually, We'd been drinkin from mid afternoon until about 2.30 in the morning when we decided to head back to my drummers loft (this is quite literally the case he rents a loft with a mattress in) to chill, have a smoke, play some poker.

So we all pile into taxi's, get to his place and try and "quietly" negotiate the three sets of stairs by zippo light because no-one could find a switch, eventually all 12 of us get in find a space on the floor n get the cards out. We soon realised however that pokers rubbish when your all drunk because everyone raises on nothing so we gave up and decided to turn our attentions to singing freebird at full volume to the neighbours. Needless to say there was much banging and shouting so we settled down to phone bukarooing ben benson.

For those of you that have no idea what that is basically when someones so drunk they pass out you take their phone and insert it down the front of their jeans so its about where it would be if it was in their pocket and then you call them, however ben was so drunk we managed to get three t.v remotes, a purple dildo and several disposal lighters down there aswell before calling his phone to wake him.

Now its amazing just how confused he was when he woke up, first he tried his pocket....no phone there, then he tries going down his trousers.....he can't get his hand down there......so he tries the pocket again....this goes on amongst much hilarity for a good 5 minutes before he decides to solve the problem by standing up and just dropping his trousers completely to even more hilarity he then answers the phone as normal as can be hangs up and throws it at me.

We are then informed by the nice man downstairs that the police are here, and they want to talk to my drummer, so sheldon goes down to the police while we all attempt to stay as quiet as possible with ben still doing his trousers up. 30 seconds later we're all quietish when Ryan who passed out on the bed just after ben benson decides he needs to get up, he lumbers across the floor towards the cupboard with a sliding door that is the bathroom kicking two pairs of someones shoes down the metal spiral staircase he looks in the general direction of the noise shakes his head and carrys on into the bathroom.

We've all just calmed down for about the eighth time when the bathroom door drifts open to the sight of ryan head back against the tank asleep, trousers round his ankles, arms dangling at his sides and at just the perfect comedy timing moment *plop* he lays a cable in his sleep. A cascade of things is thrown at ryan amid guffaws of laughter to wake him, he shuts the door and we all quieten down just enough to hear a very sober voice downstairs say "what the hell was that noise"

Everybody now enters uber Hunt for Red October silent running mode as we realise a police intervention is imminent, silence descends upon the room, until of course my phone starts ringing in the loudest possible fashion (I had motorhead as a ringtone, it was never subtle) I rip it from my pocket to answer "hello, can you call me back later, much later" the front door downstairs closes, police action it seems has somehow been averted and I become curious and decide to see who I just hung up on, it is of course the only person it could've been at quarter to five in the morning on a saturday....my mother.