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Thread: Universal Truths

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    Banned Jimmy Little's Avatar
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    Talking Universal Truths

    Very True and funny

    1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
    2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
    3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is
    when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
    4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
    5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
    6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
    7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
    8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
    10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
    11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
    12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
    13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
    14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
    15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
    16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
    17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
    18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
    19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
    20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
    21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
    22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
    23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
    24) You never ever run out of salt.
    25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
    26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
    27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
    28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
    29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
    30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
    31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
    32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
    33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
    34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
    35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
    36) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
    37) You only ever remember the worst jingles...(Where in the world? P.C.World!)
    38) Old people really do smell of cabbage.
    39) No-one has ever seen a baby called Terry.
    40) In every classroom there is a kid who smells of wee.
    41) You used to spend entire lessons wondering whether or not that kid was you.
    42) Then you realised you had been eating scampi flavoured Nik Naks at break time.
    43) Men are physically incapable of ironing.
    44) Fred Dineage has stayed the same age for 25 years.
    45) Men have to attempt at least 5 press ups after watching a Rocky film.
    46) Everyone in Southampton knows Craig David.
    47) Asian kids can grow a full beard at aged 11.
    48) You always cough when you call in sick

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    49) Captive dolphins masturbate regulary, even when females are present
    50) On average there are 178 sesame seeds on a Big Mac bun
    51) The dot above the letter i is called a tittle
    52) Everyday, 25,000 couples get married in China
    53) Nowhere in Britain is more than 74.5 miles from the sea
    54) If you pass wind continually for 6 years and 9 months you'll produce enough gas to create an atomic bomb (not too sure about this one)
    55) Over 1 in 300 road acciedents in Canada involve a moose

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    56) A pigs orgasm alone lasts for 30 minutes
    57) 13 people each year are killed by Vending Machine's falling on them
    58) More than 2500 left handed people are killed every year from using right handed products
    59) Cat urine glows under a black-light!
    Last edited by Colonel Ames; 02-12-2003 at 07:20 PM.

    You have been warned!!

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    60)"Go." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
    61) If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall.
    62)If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
    63)No word in the English language rhymes with "month".
    64) An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
    65)Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
    66)All polar bears are left handed.
    67)All Female news anchorwomen are hot

  5. #5
    Banned Jimmy Little's Avatar
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    woooooo they facts are true my friends... but are a lot diffrent from the first list!!

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    Cable Guy Jonny M's Avatar
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    Where'd #9 go?

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    67)All Female news anchorwomen are hot
    You obviously dont get Reporting Scotland where you are then?

    49) Captive dolphins masturbate regulary, even when females are present
    Why cant we learn something from them??

    6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
    Like I am just now? Screw reading the rest of those 40 odd pointeres!!

    53) Nowhere in Britain is more than 74.5 miles from the sea
    Look behind you - a tsunami! Oh we're wiped out, D'oh!

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    67)All Female news anchorwomen are hot
    Obviously you havent seen centeral news with the ginger woman whos hair makes her look exactly like the aliens from mars attacks

    Im gonna look for pictures......
    http://www.voidonline.tk

    when the fog comes up from the sewers and glows in the dark

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    and here we have them :

    Joanne Malin #1




    Mailn #2




    Alien



    Mailen


    http://www.voidonline.tk

    when the fog comes up from the sewers and glows in the dark

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    Mailn #2
    Whats wrong with her? She's got red hair. Shexheeey

  11. #11
    Drop it like it's hot Howard's Avatar
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    Put him in the curry! Rythmic's Avatar
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    Hmm - obviously never watched HTV either. Last time I watched she was about 50 (about 7 years ago...)

    There is a word that rhymes with month - bumf:

    http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=bumf&r=67
    Now go away before I taunt you a second time.

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    Commander Keen
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    Thought that would mess with people !

  14. #14
    Commander Keen
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    Err. Bumf is a new fangled word. But that is not a full rhyme. I seem to remember my English teacher making a distinction between full and half rhymes.

    Full = Cat, Bat
    Half = Month, bumf. where they sound like they rhyme but the way the sounds are produced using letters is different. "th" "f"

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    Senior Member Kezzer's Avatar
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    68) No word in the english dictionary rhymes with purple
    69) No word in the english dictionary rhymes with orange
    70) Your mums cooking always tastes better than anyone elses

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    Originally posted by killgORE
    Err. Bumf is a new fangled word. But that is not a full rhyme. I seem to remember my English teacher making a distinction between full and half rhymes.

    Full = Cat, Bat
    Half = Month, bumf. where they sound like they rhyme but the way the sounds are produced using letters is different. "th" "f"
    Unless you're common

    No. 49 - You're all gay

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