Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 16 of 20

Thread: Christmas Cracker Jokes!

  1. #1
    I Am A Princess! shelley bda's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    shropshire
    Posts
    2,784
    Thanks
    508
    Thanked
    107 times in 75 posts
    • shelley bda's system
      • Motherboard:
      • DFI Lanparty Pro 875B
      • CPU:
      • Pentium 4 3.2
      • Memory:
      • 2 gig Geil
      • Storage:
      • Seagate 320 gig
      • Graphics card(s):
      • ATi Radeon 9600XT
      • PSU:
      • Hiper Type-R 580w
      • Case:
      • Beantech BT84B
      • Monitor(s):
      • Samsung 15" TFT
      • Internet:
      • 2meg Nildram ADSL

    Christmas Cracker Jokes!

    What were the worst jokes you found in your crackers?

    Mine were;

    Q - What do you call a man with a speedometer on his head?

    A - Miles

    Q - What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a bunch of flowers?

    A - A cauliflower

    Q - Who writes the most letters?

    A - A fisherman, he always drops a line

    Q - What suits do lawyers wear in court?

    A - Lawsuits

  2. #2
    Flat cap, Whippets, Cave. Clunk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    11,056
    Thanks
    360
    Thanked
    725 times in 459 posts
    /me ingesting those for use in serious threads in the future

    Whats the difference between Rolf harris and Steve Davis?

    They've both got beards except for Steve Davis.
    Quote Originally Posted by Blitzen View Post
    stupid betond belief.
    You owe it to yourself to click here really.

  3. #3
    Barely posting since 2006 bertie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    1,764
    Thanks
    7
    Thanked
    0 times in 0 posts
    • bertie's system
      • Motherboard:
      • Lenovo Y480
      • CPU:
      • Core i7 3610QM
      • Memory:
      • 8GB DDR1600
      • Storage:
      • 2TB
      • Graphics card(s):
      • GT650M
      • PSU:
      • Lappy
      • Case:
      • NA
      • Operating System:
      • W7 X64
      • Monitor(s):
      • Dell 2405
      • Internet:
      • Australian awful net
    Check this one out:

    What is Pete Sampras' favourite meal?

    Bangers and Smash.


    :'(

  4. #4
    Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Midlands
    Posts
    8,629
    Thanks
    24
    Thanked
    268 times in 188 posts
    What do you call a dog thats got a bit of wood on his head, sitting in a boat?

    Gavin!

  5. #5
    Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Midlands
    Posts
    8,629
    Thanks
    24
    Thanked
    268 times in 188 posts
    What do you call a monkey who's a robot?

    A monkey robot!


    What did the goat say to the other goat?

    Hello other goat!

  6. #6
    Flat cap, Whippets, Cave. Clunk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    11,056
    Thanks
    360
    Thanked
    725 times in 459 posts
    There was two pubic hairs on a toilet seat and one got pissed off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Blitzen View Post
    stupid betond belief.
    You owe it to yourself to click here really.

  7. #7
    Sexual Force johnny02004976's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Cardiff
    Posts
    2,694
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    0 times in 0 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Clunk View Post
    There was two pubic hairs on a toilet seat and one got pissed off.
    the best so far
    Contrary to the odd name and translucent-grey color, Pocari Sweat does not taste like sweat
    Hardware:

    Main PC
    - See 'My System'
    Server - Athlon XP 1700+, 1GB, 500GB HD
    Laptop - Compaq AMD Turion 64 X2, 60GB HD, 1GB
    Media Centre Shuttle - P4 3.0 Skt 775 Shuttle, 1GB, 120GB HD
    NAS - 400GB
    Home Entertainment - Xbox 360 with 37" HD LCD TV, Acoustic Energy Aegis EVO A speakers (5,1), Yamaha RXV359 AV reciever
    Media Centre II - X2 4000+, 1GB, 400Gb Vista Ultimate


  8. #8
    Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Midlands
    Posts
    8,629
    Thanks
    24
    Thanked
    268 times in 188 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by johnny02004976 View Post
    the best so far
    Better than a monkey joke?!!

  9. #9
    Sexual Force johnny02004976's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Cardiff
    Posts
    2,694
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    0 times in 0 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Stewart View Post
    Better than a monkey joke?!!
    prob on par with each other
    Contrary to the odd name and translucent-grey color, Pocari Sweat does not taste like sweat
    Hardware:

    Main PC
    - See 'My System'
    Server - Athlon XP 1700+, 1GB, 500GB HD
    Laptop - Compaq AMD Turion 64 X2, 60GB HD, 1GB
    Media Centre Shuttle - P4 3.0 Skt 775 Shuttle, 1GB, 120GB HD
    NAS - 400GB
    Home Entertainment - Xbox 360 with 37" HD LCD TV, Acoustic Energy Aegis EVO A speakers (5,1), Yamaha RXV359 AV reciever
    Media Centre II - X2 4000+, 1GB, 400Gb Vista Ultimate


  10. #10
    Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Midlands
    Posts
    8,629
    Thanks
    24
    Thanked
    268 times in 188 posts
    Better than this joke - what did the pirate say to the monkey who was standing next to him? Get away from me!

    Better than that?

  11. #11
    WEEEEEEEEEEEEE! MadduckUK's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Lytham St. Annes
    Posts
    17,297
    Thanks
    653
    Thanked
    1,580 times in 1,006 posts
    • MadduckUK's system
      • Motherboard:
      • MSI B450M Mortar
      • CPU:
      • AMD Ryzen 5 3600
      • Memory:
      • 32GB 3200 DDR4
      • Storage:
      • 1x480GB SSD, 1x 2TB Hybrid, 1x 3TB Rust Spinner
      • Graphics card(s):
      • Radeon 5700XT
      • PSU:
      • Corsair TX750w
      • Case:
      • Phanteks Enthoo Evolv mATX
      • Operating System:
      • Windows 10 x64
      • Monitor(s):
      • Samsung SJ55W, DELL S2409W
      • Internet:
      • Plusnet 80
    well it kind of contained monkey.. also, swearing! so it gets my vote
    Quote Originally Posted by Ephesians
    Do not be drunk with wine, which will ruin you, but be filled with the Spirit
    Vodka

  12. #12
    Resident Tit 666moe666's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Worcester
    Posts
    676
    Thanks
    158
    Thanked
    19 times in 16 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Stewart View Post
    Better than this joke - what did the pirate say to the monkey who was standing next to him? Get away from me!

    Better than that?
    rofl, no.
    nothing is better then that

  13. #13
    The King of Vague Steve B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Glasgow
    Posts
    5,051
    Thanks
    116
    Thanked
    67 times in 63 posts
    Q. How do you make a bear cross?

    A. Just nail two of them together

  14. #14
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    27
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    0 times in 0 posts
    What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

    Dam.

    sorry, but I just had too..

  15. #15
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Kent
    Posts
    109
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    0 times in 0 posts
    my joke was rubbish - y do cows lie down in the rain?
    to keep each udder dry

  16. #16
    Far Superior To Meths EvilWeevil's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    London
    Posts
    936
    Thanks
    14
    Thanked
    8 times in 6 posts
    • EvilWeevil's system
      • Motherboard:
      • Asus P5W-DH Deluxe
      • CPU:
      • Intel Core 2 Duo E6600
      • Memory:
      • 2GB (2x1GB) Corsair XMS-2 PC2-6400
      • Storage:
      • 320GB Caviar, 320GB DiamondMax 10, 400GB Spinpoint, 1TB MyBook External
      • Graphics card(s):
      • Asus EAX1900XT
      • PSU:
      • OCZ GameXStream 700W
      • Case:
      • Lian-Li PC-G70B
      • Monitor(s):
      • Dell 2407WFP
      • Internet:
      • Homechoice/Tiscali 8 down/1 up
    Quote Originally Posted by Stewart View Post
    Better than this joke - what did the pirate say to the monkey who was standing next to him? Get away from me!

    Better than that?
    Pirates and monkeys in the same line?

    My DeviantArt | tomhendriks.co.uk | Need something (reasonable) hosted? PM me!

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Christmas - Swedish/San Jose style (56k beware)
    By Paul Adams in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 25-12-2005, 03:56 PM
  2. HEXUS CHRISTMAS SALE
    By 5cupa in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 28-12-2004, 02:49 PM
  3. Christmas??!!
    By Honoop in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 41
    Last Post: 26-10-2004, 09:03 PM
  4. The Christmas Insanity has begun!
    By Nick in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 37
    Last Post: 16-12-2003, 10:22 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •