Do you know your neighbours?

[Larkspeed]

I must admit that when I lived in the UK I lived in both a city and a small town and both times I never knew my neighbors beyond saying hello if I saw them coming or going.

Here it is a different story though, we know nearly all of our neighbors on this street. They even give our daughter gifts on her birthday and such, and we help each other out with things that need to get done.

I think this effect is more cultural than it is anything else, I have noticed that people in this country are considerably friendlier than people in the UK. Everybody I pass either walking or riding a bike always says hi and you often see total strangers striking up conversation when waiting for the bus. I rarely saw anything like that in the UK.

[Blitzen]

Neighbours on one side are VERY quiet, and never met any of them......its a churchyard.
On the other side its a woman in her mid 30's and her daughter in a 5 bedroom house (she got divorced recently), and I know her exceptionally well. In the late 90's we were carnally exploring each other on a regular basis

[Blitzen]

I must admit that when I lived in the UK I lived in both a city and a small town and both times I never knew my neighbors beyond saying hello if I saw them coming or going.

Here it is a different story though, we know nearly all of our neighbors on this street. They even give our daughter gifts on her birthday and such, and we help each other out with things that need to get done.

I think this effect is more cultural than it is anything else, I have noticed that people in this country are considerably friendlier than people in the UK. Everybody I pass either walking or riding a bike always says hi and you often see total strangers striking up conversation when waiting for the bus. I rarely saw anything like that in the UK.

Maybe you just lived in a grotty part of the UK.
Where i live is like you experience now.

[Larkspeed]

Maybe you just lived in a grotty part of the UK.
Where i live is like you experience now.

Well I lived in various different places in England and Wales so I find hard to believe that they would all be "grotty" places.

Especially when some of them were seaside towns that get tourism so you would expect more politeness and I even lived in a very affluent area for a while and it was only marginally better.

I would have to say from experience that where you live is the exception not the rule.

[rox0r]

We know our neighbours very well, it was one of the influencing factors of moving to a small rural village. We wanted a sense of old fashioned community and it's great to walk to the village shop and have everyone you pass say 'good morning' with a smile.

Previously we lived in a pretty rough area of urban sprawl and it was the neighbours (from hell) that made us sell up and get the hell out of Dodge in the end.

[melon]

I must admit that when I lived in the UK I lived in both a city and a small town and both times I never knew my neighbors beyond saying hello if I saw them coming or going.

Here it is a different story though, we know nearly all of our neighbors on this street. They even give our daughter gifts on her birthday and such, and we help each other out with things that need to get done.

I think this effect is more cultural than it is anything else, I have noticed that people in this country are considerably friendlier than people in the UK. Everybody I pass either walking or riding a bike always says hi and you often see total strangers striking up conversation when waiting for the bus. I rarely saw anything like that in the UK.

No, your not the first to say that - it hits you pretty hard when your almost anywhere else but the uk.

There places that are exceptions but in general its pretty miserable , Peru for all its poverty for example is friendly too as is Canada North America ( sometimes too friendly / false ) but it better than people you know snubbing you as though they never noticed you etc

I think it may not be so bad as it was in the sense you have this binge drinking culture now where everyone is intoxicated half the time or worse - but that poses even worse problems too , esp for those who dont drink.

The culture here compared to other countries that still have people perusing thing other than drinking / sex is almost eroded into oblivion - I would be willing to bet even most 3rd world countries have far more of varied interest that typical uk-er - you certainly wouldnt find folk debating like we do here in pub on a friday night

Dont have anything against the odd drink , but drinking as means of escaping yourself just to be humiliated by apparent friends or makeup for pecker size is hardly in my estimate a good time, id far rather be in coffee shop in Holland exploring my mind with 1 - 2 good friends and interesting convo or doing something rather than making everything revolve round some rite of passage that people seem to get off on as their only means of passing time.
m

[Larkspeed]

I would tend to agree melon. As a none drinker it is definitely more difficult in countries such as the UK where as you say binge drinking is very common.

This is my experience:

UK: (Born) Rarely you find a nice friendly area but generally people are not overly friendly (lived in one place for 3 years and never once even met my next door neighbor.) People in general look Unapproachable

Canada: (lived for nearly 20 years) People in general pretty friendly, the isolated small communities were very friendly but living 60+ miles from the nearest decent sized town people tend to help out as that's how you survive, Barter system rules.

Netherlands: (Currently Live) People are very friendly, we knew half the street within a week of moving in. Hell one of the neighbors even came out and helped move the big stuff.

Germany: (Visit frequently) People seem very gruff and unapproachable to me and I get dirty looks when I speak English, they act like it hurts them to speak or hear it (they dub all DVD's and Games into German rather than use subtitles)

[melon]

I would tend to agree melon. As a none drinker it is definitely more difficult in countries such as the UK where as you say binge drinking is very common.

This is my experience:

UK: (Born) Rarely you find a nice friendly area but generally people are not overly friendly (lived in one place for 3 years and never once even met my next door neighbor.) People in general look Unapproachable

Canada: (lived for nearly 20 years) People in general pretty friendly, the isolated small communities were very friendly but living 60+ miles from the nearest decent sized town people tend to help out as that's how you survive, Barter system rules.

Netherlands: (Currently Live) People are very friendly, we knew half the street within a week of moving in. Hell one of the neighbors even came out and helped move the big stuff.

Germany: (Visit frequently) People seem very gruff and unapproachable to me and I get dirty looks when I speak English, they act like it hurts them to speak or hear it (they dub all DVD's and Games into German rather than use subtitles)

I think part of it ( I admit this too ) is that fact i had lot of problem growing up here with racism and other things i attribute heavily to this chav / ned culture that has pretty much become apparent in the whole country now.

Theres no mystique or humour or anything about it that lends to the imagination or positive things for me ( for example music / art )

In that sense i could go to US tomorrow and quite easily find myself exploring pubs because there is trends ( country western ) certain archtypes i like that resonate me far more than bunch of spotty lads supporting some miserable football team.

Maybe its a past life thing but my heart has always fundamentally be in nature and what mythologies and secrets i can find by trending the same paths all those lost people once did , perhaps because i want to experience something like they did , that i can take with me before its all gone.

Of all the people in the UK ive been round - in general id say the Irish were probably the friendliest ( thats in general ) Scottish are the opposite but they do have Glasgow which break the rules.


m

[pipTheGeek]

I used to live in a small village, my grandfather had lived there for just over 10 years by the time I moved in. He said it had taken a long time for the locals to accept him but they had. We knew everyone on our part of the lane (about a dozen houses) to say hello to and one of our immediate neighbours was a good friend.
Fast forward a bit, my wife and I lived in a flat in a tower block in a not so nice area of north Norwich. We knew the people on our floor (3 other flats) to say hello to. We frequently had to complain to the council about noisy neighbours, it was not the sort of area where you would go and knock to ask them to turn it down.
We now live on a dead end road, on the outskirts of Noriwch, about 40 houses and know almost all of them to say hello to. My wife knows their names, I know some. Probably half a dozen are friends of varying closeness.
I think there is more a sense of comminuty here than there was in the small village.

I've also found that most people are perfectly friendly, they just wont make the first move. If you start a conversation with someone at a bus stop or in a queue then they are normally quite happy to chat. I used to chat to all sorts on the 2 hour bus ride from previously mentioned village to Noriwch, some of regulars were even friends for a while. (and one lent me bus fair on more than one occasion despite at the time not even knowing my name, the only thing we knew about each other was that we both got the bus from the same stop).

[melon]

I used to live in a small village, my grandfather had lived there for just over 10 years by the time I moved in. He said it had taken a long time for the locals to accept him but they had. We knew everyone on our part of the lane (about a dozen houses) to say hello to and one of our immediate neighbours was a good friend.
Fast forward a bit, my wife and I lived in a flat in a tower block in a not so nice area of north Norwich. We knew the people on our floor (3 other flats) to say hello to. We frequently had to complain to the council about noisy neighbours, it was not the sort of area where you would go and knock to ask them to turn it down.
We now live on a dead end road, on the outskirts of Noriwch, about 40 houses and know almost all of them to say hello to. My wife knows their names, I know some. Probably half a dozen are friends of varying closeness.
I think there is more a sense of comminuty here than there was in the small village.

I've also found that most people are perfectly friendly, they just wont make the first move. If you start a conversation with someone at a bus stop or in a queue then they are normally quite happy to chat. I used to chat to all sorts on the 2 hour bus ride from previously mentioned village to Noriwch, some of regulars were even friends for a while. (and one lent me bus fair on more than one occasion despite at the time not even knowing my name, the only thing we knew about each other was that we both got the bus from the same stop).

I find it funny , when you hear cases made for criminals human rights for suffering , and yet theres lot of people in the UK who you could argue are in situations that are just that yet their expected to put up with it.

Something that bugs me too is the discrimination disabled folk who cant work get , so their effectively stuck in no win situation they never asked for - but are punished nonetheless

If I did move anywhere else , mainly for social reasons i cant find here ,and sold my flat ( once its paid off ) then the benefits I do get would be cut which in turn would make it impossible to live.

Yet someone with criminal record could serve 10 yrs , and at least get the chance to better themselves in a way some disabled folk cant and still live better in spite of their crimes.

This bugs the hell out of me because disabled folk are already a minority in the UK and therefore pretty much socially excluded as it is ( unless you want a carer or some other government paid pretend friend / helper ) but one look at them and thats them labelled and sectioned - while criminal can do anything and be thought of nonetheless.

It might matter little to many , but i think someone disabled should at least be supported if they want to try and explore other places that mght suit them rather than a culture here that is detrimental to them and indifferent or antagonistic at best.

And if not that than at least euthanasia for those whove had enough.

I know that sounds extreme but so is leaving someone to die a slow undignified death in volatile culture that holds no place for them, other than to be forgotten , or patronized by someone who paid to act or put up with you instead.

If anything is violation of human rights that is.

And if criminals are afforded that chance we're not they should be made to work every second for it rather than pampered with care instead , maybe if they paid for their suffering they wouldnt be so happy smug about playing the system instead.

m

[Saracen]

I've said nothing (on the subject of the thread) since asking the question, because I wanted to see how things went.

My view, though, is that over the years, our lives have become busier, and certainly, physical mobility has increased. As that mobility increased, community links diminished. And it;s not surprising, really. If you live and work in close quarters with people, you get to know them. While sometimes that'll be bad, by and large, simply knowing people means more "community". Now, though, a lot of people work a long way from where they live, and the people they work with a geographically widely spread. For instance, in one office I worked (in London) people were spread in terms of where they lived as far as York to Brighton. So, outside of work, we never saw each other.

On the other hand, I spend a lot of time in a fairly small (ex-)mining village. There, the community is FAR stronger than it is in the town where I spend most of my time. My bet is that, in part, it's because of close ties from common work among a significant proportion of the village, but it's also definitely something to do with village life, as opposed to town (or worse yet, city) life. And interestingly, even newcomers to the village tend to acclimatise pretty quickly, and before you know it, they're well-embedded in village community .... unless they chose to stand off from it, and some do.

I hesitate to draw broad conclusions from personal experience, but everything I know, and most of what I hear, suggests that the trend is pretty consistent - the smaller the local 'environment', the stronger the community spirit.

And if that's true, the single biggest influence on the suppression of that community spirit in so many places is probably the huge spread of ownership in the motor car, because it's enabled a degree of personal mobility that simply wasn't there even 50 years ago.

[Blitzen]

I hesitate to draw broad conclusions from personal experience, but everything I know, and most of what I hear, suggests that the trend is pretty consistent - the smaller the local 'environment', the stronger the community spirit.

Change the words 'community spirit' for 'nosier locals' and you may be right.
I live in a very small village a few years ago, and although all the people there were very friendly, they were busy bodies aswell.

[Saracen]

Change the words 'community spirit' for 'nosier locals' and you may be right.
I live in a very small village a few years ago, and although all the people there were very friendly, they were busy bodies aswell.

Some, for sure, but there are busybodies in towns too. They're just neither as obvious, not have quite such an easy time of it.

Anyway, that there are nosy types doesn't negate the community spirit of the rest.

[melon]

A bit of both, IMHO. I've come across some surprisingly helpful and generous people, and had some flaming rows too. So yeah, I guess it's a community, at least, to some extent.

It's also, in many ways, a great enabler. You can have conversations, discussions, arguments, all without preconceptions. We don't know, unless someone tells us, whether someone else is young or old, male or female, or what class they are, what religion they are, what race they are, how well-educated they are, how abled or disabled they are, and so on. So you can have a discussion on issues with little in the way of preconceptions.


If you're able-bodied and dealing with someone disabled, it can be hard to pitch it right. Some disabled people seem to find an offer of help offensive and patronising, and others find the lack of an offer of help cold and uncaring. Sometimes, you can't win.

I try to let people do things themselves if they appear to want to, but might offer assistance if they seem to want it. But either way, I could (and have, on occasions) wound up on the wrong side of that.

your right, and the reason for that is there are 2 sides to disability in general those for / an advancement in a cure, and those against in the sense theyd prefer to remain disabled because they see anything else as violation of their rights / who they are.

Those that that are against - not surprisingly - are usually born that way while the rest who oppose and want change ( like me ) are not.
-
As rule disabled folk are prickly about anything at all they feel is discriminating - hence why they campaign for equal rights - which imo is almost pointless given the climate , lack of funds and the selfish binge drinking culture we have now i.e. you can change the law but you cant change people .

I can understand why some feel like that having been chronically ill for 23 yrs now and watching my own downward spiral ,t because igets to a point where you suffer so much your suffering itself becomes your identity and religion.

m

[DeludedGuy]

I know one of my neighbours, not too well, she is elderly, doesn't do or say much, I don't know anyone else even though I have lived here for 11 years, I live in London, Zone 2.

[Whiternoise]

As with life, your social life is what you make it. If you assume that your neighbours are quiet, dull people, then don't expect them to change. If you make the effort to say hello and offer a hand if it looks like they need it, then you'll be pleasantly surprised. You might even get carnal, a la Blitzen

My Mum is embarrassingly sociable and so we get on fairly well with most of the street - Victorian terrace, mostly 3 bed, firmly middle class demographic. This is in a relatively large town.