Trouble settling at Nursery

[angeleyes]

Myself and Moby are having a few problems with Mini Moby at the moment. She has been in Childcare since she was 3 months old and has been at this particular nursery since she was just under 1 (she is now 2 and a half). In the last couple of weeks she has moved rooms and ever since then we have had massive problems. She always used to play a little game when i dropped her off where she would cling to my legs until one of the nursery nurses took her off me, but now we have tears and they literally have to peel her fingers off me.

Has anyone else been through this and has anyone any ideas on how to settle her into her new room. She says that she hates being a Bumblebee (the name of the new room) and that she doesn't have any friends in there (we know she does because there were around 15 of them that went up from the old room to the new room at the same time). We have tried to make it all sound exciting and have even brought her a Bumblebee hoodie for her to wear, but she still hates going to Nursery. I know it will take her time to settle into the new room, but has anyone any ideas on how to get this done quickly because it is breaking my heart to leave her in tears every morning.

[Rob_B]

No hints of a child/nursery worker she doesn't like in the new room?
Have you tried staying for a short time & reducing it each day, I'd be suprised if the nursery hasn't had this before & has tried all manner of things, have you talked to them about it?

Of course there is always the arguement that she's just a child, they cry, they get over it sooner or later Harsh and uncomforting but true

[Raz316]

From my own experience, when a child says they do not have any X, Y or Z it can be roughly translated to "I don't have the X, Y or Z I want". Like Rob said, I'd wonder if maybe a carer is no longer involved.

Again from personal experience, 2-3 is the age where a child starts becoming more aware of what's going on around them and so, more aware of a change in routine (like a change in room, or a new carer at nursery) which can cause some anxiety. Once this new routine becomes established (and at the same time realises the protest doesn't result in not going to nursery) things will hopefully settle down.

I'd ask the nursery how lil moby is during the day, I'd bet just fine!

[danroyle]

i had similar problems with Ethan still do to an extent with him and his mum he used to cry for his mum and she let it get to her, He still tries with her now he's 7,

My advice would be walk away dont let them know that it is causing you distress and they should stop after a few days. Make sure you let her know that the tears dont bother you or it will not stop. I have a friend who's kid was doing it until she got into year 1 at school.

And yes it sounds harsh but seriously kids are smart if they know it gets to you they'll play on it.

[angeleyes]

I am not aware of her not liking any of the Nursery Nurses in there. A couple of them she has been with before in the previous rooms she was in so it's not as if she doesn't know them.

We do regularly ask how she has been during the day (they usually tell us anyway as it is all part of the pick up procdure) and on a couple of occasions she hasn't been fine once we left her. There was a non-sleeping incident which we seem to have solved by always allowing her to take a toy into nursery that she knows she is allowed to cuddle when she gets sad.

I know in time it will sort itself out, i was just hoping that might be a trick to speed it all up.

I try very hard to not let her know that the tears are getting to me. I always try to remain upbeat and when she starts crying i just say to her that Mummy has to go to work and i will be back later to pick her up.

[danroyle]

I try very hard to not let her know that the tears are getting to me. I always try to remain upbeat and when she starts crying i just say to her that Mummy has to go to work and i will be back later to pick her up.

Just because you tell her it doesn't bother you is not enough they see it in your eyes, you have to believe it yourself if she has no issues with her carers and you have no concerns about them, Presumably you have checked to make sure another child is not being mean, If thats not the case its usually an attention issue as children dont like change.

They are very good at sensing problems my wife is not so good at putting up a front as such my son will push her miles further than he does daddy and try alot more on. You must say that it wont bother you in the morning (yes it's hard) and walk away head held high and believe it.

[Moby-Dick]

It is tough - I'm usually the "bad cop" of the parenting duo , but its starting to worry even me

[danroyle]

It is tough - I'm usually the "bad cop" of the parenting duo , but its starting to worry even me

Being bad cop is so much fun though sometimes.

[Zak33]

depends how long it takes for the little mite to be happy once you've gone.

If it's 15 minutes.. then she's fine the rest of the day.. no worries.. it'll wear off.

If it's longer then maybe you're being too soft and need to try walking straight out with a firm "I'll be here to get you later... love you" and then hang about outside and wait for the staff to tell you when she settles. Might atually be quicker.. when you've been firm.

Kids all deserve BAFTA's for the acting they can achieve..... mine has 3 Oscars and a Golden Globe!

[Tumble]

we had a similar issue - you aren't alone! we cracked it though by sheer cunning. The spawn's new nursery room is at the front of the building on the ground floor - we told her to go and wave to us through the window (apparently everything is way funnier through a window??). She lets go and runs to the window, and it's a quick wave, jump in the car and go. Fine for the rest of the day after that

[cam1986]

Teachers told me to walk away when my little girl was upset and not wanting to go into nursery. It is very hard to see your child upset but what else can you do? I am sure time will make things better for your child and for yourself.

[Zak33]

we had a similar issue - you aren't alone! we cracked it though by sheer cunning. The spawn's new nursery room is at the front of the building on the ground floor - we told her to go and wave to us through the window (apparently everything is way funnier through a window??). She lets go and runs to the window, and it's a quick wave, jump in the car and go. Fine for the rest of the day after that

actually ours was like that too.

I got him to hold his hand to the glass inside.. then I sprintd out.. and High Fived him on the glass and off I went.

happy as can be

[Moby-Dick]

I like the window technique , though the layout of where she is at the moment means we can't use it right now.

Just to make things more interesting , she decided that she didn't want to wear nappies last weekend which was reasonably successfully but does add to parental stress levels a touch

[pauleden]

We've been lucky. Our two eldest have moved rooms and even schools with few problems, but on occasion it has kicked off, when the parent has confidence in the staff, they really should walk away.

The move can be tough on the child, but after a week or so, if there's still drop-off time histrionics, 9 times out of 10, it's a control thing. The child knows they can get at parent with this behaviour and they aren't afraid to do it. You need to be brave, say your goodbyes and skedaddle.

[GoNz0]

i just laugh at Lucy and walk away in the mornings, needless to say as soon as i get to the window she has stopped the paddy and is either with the other kids or has found a toy..

the tantrums have now stopped and she pulls the shy routine, but that don't work either, still found something to do within 5 seconds of me walking away the lil git!

[shelley bda]

As a room leader of the two year old room in a Day Nursery, and as a Mum I know exactly what you are going through!

It is tough when you drop them off and they cry But as mentioned it really is better to hand over and walk away!

Is there anything in particular your little girl likes playing with at Nursery???? If so can the activity or toy be out for when she arrives??? I use trains to settle one little boy down? Does she like pets? And are there any, anywhere in the Nursery she likes? Would her Keyworker take her to see it in the morning, after drop off?

Theres a little girl who comes in for Breakfast and she used to be unsettled... After weeks of 'Sneaking' into Rauri's room ( 3's room leader ) To 'steal' his crispies without him seeing! We cracked it! She loves stealing the crispies and we never have problems at drop off time

What is the transition like from room to room? We will start taster sessions 6 weeks before their Birthday, or when they are due to move, starting off with an afternoon once a week, and then buildiing up to a full day.... The Nursery Nurse who works in the Baby Room also does one day a week in the Tweenie room and two days with me, so the children are constantly seeing a familiar face

Maybe have a chat with the Room Leader or her Keyworker to see if they have any advice/ strategies

Another thing I do is take lots of pictures of the unsettled child playing happily throughout the day, just to reassure parents that their child is absolutely fine That helps a lot with the settling in process as if you are unsure, unsettled and apprehensive your child picks up on that easy, kids are great at the guilt trip thing, even small ones

Good luck! Just keep telling yourself it won't last forever.