New School now my son seems to be developing a behaviour problem

[danroyle]

Right so we moved on the 8th october to be closer to work as me and my partner work for the same company. Anyhow because of this we had to move our son to a new school he is just turned 7 so in year 2.

So far every teacher he has had have said the same thing extremely intelligent and capable BUT he has issues with sitting still and gets bored easily. This was not a problem until his new school.

Now firstly he has two teachers one for 3 days the other for 2 days. They gave him a behaviour chart because he felt left out as most of the other kids have one. Now his last school was really nice all the kids were very friendly and huggy to each other, This school is on the edge of Chav central and from an outside view i would say 95% of the kids are little OIKS. However this school was doing really badly so a couple of years ago they got a huge injection of cash to turn the school around and they are doing so.

Anyway since he has been here he keeps getting into trouble for various reasons the first month or so we put it down to settling but now we've been here two months and he shoulod have settled by now. At home he is good all the time (mostly through fear of daddy i have a shouting voice that can bring him to tears in a an instant)

Anyway this has culminated this week in yesterday he Punched another boy when i asked him why he said the boy called him an A***hole. I told him off but not too badly as while he shouldn't punch someone i also think its good to stick up for yourself.

Today he topped the bill by wee ing on another boy (not the nintendo kind either) apparently on purpose, He wont tell me why.

Usually punishments involve losing his Wii and having bedroom time and early nights.

Has anyone got any other advice
P.s he has a behaviour chart at home that effects his pocket money but that makes no difference

[jim]

Not speaking as parent here, but I'm not sure how much you can do without knowing why he did it.

Agree with you completely on the punching incident... I did similar myself when I was at primary school... but crucially you dealt with it properly because you know exactly what thought process he went through.

Clearly there are issues, but if anything it seems like it's the other kids at the school bringing him down to their level. Thing is, on an instantaneous level, that's not such a big problem. If someone gives you abuse, then I don't see a problem in reacting. If however someone gives you abuse for a long time, and your reaction becomes to mimic their behaviour, then it clearly has become a problem.

Probably not very helpful, but those are my thoughts. How on earth you are meant to find out what exactly went on, I have no idea. Can the teachers shed any light on why the other kid might have got into grief with your son? I'm not expecting them to explain exactly what happened, but is this kid the type that would've started an argument by being violent/rude, or the quiet type that they wouldn't expect to be in any kind of trouble?

[danroyle]

usually my son is more reactive than pro active he follows rather than leads. Unfortunately teachers are not much help they just say something has happened and thats it really

[Zak33]

a few thingss for you to consider, though my lad is younger and so tricky to judge.

and you might be a tad offended, and it's not intended as such:


1) when mummy or daddy are a bit stressed, or under pressure, his behavious takes about a week to deteriorate.. so look inwards at yourselves and ask "are we being a good family for him?". I have manualy altered my persona around him and it's made a big difference.

2) food (the old Zak story.. I always bring food into it). What is his breakfast like, what does he eat at school and can you improve it? Lack of concentration... figity.. it's a food thing for more kids than people realise.

3) Strength of character: confidence and self discipline in little people comes sometimes, not JUST from the family.. but from outside too. Are there any clubs he can join? Afterschool clubs? Martial arts clubs?

4) after school interaction: do the other kids go anywhere else after school? Local facility? sports of social clubs. And if they do... is it up to you to help join in yourself too?

[Steve A]

I would imagine that he probably feels like a bit of an outsider due to him not knowing anyone at the school so hes trying hard to be accepted and to fit in by trying to make people laugh and doing silly things.

I know you said giving him pocket money and taking out of that when he mis-behaves, but does he have anything else that he uses/plays with all the time, for instance, Xbox,DS, Football ...

If so then just take them off him and say that he can have them back when his teacher says hes been behaving better. Shouting doesnt work ... well for me it doesnt anyway it just makes him think that shouting at people is acceptable (even though sometimes it is)

Persisance is the key for me .. dont give in, if he has to be good for a week then its a week not an hour.

The difficult one is bullying (and the worst one for a parent i would imagine) ... ask the teacher if there is any evidence of it even if you dont think there is, at least you put the thought in the teachers mind and they will keep an extra eye on it.

obviously these are just my thoughts on it and am trying to give you different ideas that havent been covered.

Good Luck

[danroyle]

a few thingss for you to consider, though my lad is younger and so tricky to judge.

and you might be a tad offended, and it's not intended as such:


1) when mummy or daddy are a bit stressed, or under pressure, his behavious takes about a week to deteriorate.. so look inwards at yourselves and ask "are we being a good family for him?". I have manualy altered my persona around him and it's made a big difference.

2) food (the old Zak story.. I always bring food into it). What is his breakfast like, what does he eat at school and can you improve it? Lack of concentration... figity.. it's a food thing for more kids than people realise.

3) Strength of character: confidence and self discipline in little people comes sometimes, not JUST from the family.. but from outside too. Are there any clubs he can join? Afterschool clubs? Martial arts clubs?

4) after school interaction: do the other kids go anywhere else after school? Local facility? sports of social clubs. And if they do... is it up to you to help join in yourself too?

1, his Mum doesn't hide her stress well she can get annoyed at him over a silly thing and then it can snowball although she has been improving greatly with it over the last year or two, (she finds it hard though sometimes because of her own problems with Depression)

Me i am the complete opposite i will tell him off and within ten seconds i am laughing and joking again, I dont really do stress lifes too short,
Our overall general stress level have plummeted since the move we had alot of stress before we both cycled 4 miles to work and have both had traffic accidents on our bikes in the last year. So moving has made our lives easier and generally the house is alot happier.

2, I used to be a chef so we eat well lots of homemade food pies etc are all made rather than bought and he is involved in cooking alot too. His breakfast he has a healthyish cereal multigrain things like cheerios never chocolatey stuff anymore. for his lunch sandwich yoghurt or jelly fruit bar or kellogs winder thing, and either a dairylea dunker or occasionally a homemade cake as a treat, After school if hes good 5 sweets from a bag of haribo or something.

3, i have been considering a martail arts club. he did after school sports at his old school. but the problem with alot of clubs is cost and another monthly outgoing is more money being spent and since the move we have put a huge freeze on spending, cheap christmas etc needed,

4, Most of the kids just run around the streets here playing football and scootering. We've let him out during the day on a saturday but it gets dark early and we live on the main road in/out of our town not somewhere i am happy forhim to run around in the dark.

Also keeping a close eye on him as one of our local schools had a scare a few weeks back when a guy in a silver people carrier collared a little girl outside of school and told her that her mum had been in an accident and that he was here to take her to the hospital. Her mu was 20 meters away talking to someone, the guy sped of when he realised he'd been rumbled but has not been caught yet.


@steveA he has a WII which he loses when he is naughty the problem is he spent six months saving up for it and he has used it about 7 times in the two months he has had it. So that punishment has no effect at all

[Zak33]

hands off... you're not helping.

[Zak33]

1, his Mum doesn't hide her stress well she can get annoyed at him over a silly thing and then it can snowball although she has been improving greatly with it over the last year or two, (she finds it hard though sometimes because of her own problems with Depression)

Me i am the complete opposite i will tell him off and within ten seconds i am laughing and joking again, I dont really do stress lifes too short,
Our overall general stress level have plummeted since the move we had alot of stress before we both cycled 4 miles to work and have both had traffic accidents on our bikes in the last year. So moving has made our lives easier and generally the house is alot happier.

His mum aside as she's clearly doing a proper good job of getting better herself... you mustn;t tell him off and just drop it straight away. Being naughty should not invoke a 10 second penalty and then go straight back to normal. I think you know that though.. guess you're underplaying that a tad.

Kids playing footy in the street and skootering... for the WIN.. and bringing him in when it's dark... totally right.

To be honest I think you're mentally battering yourself for stuff you've not done wrong.

BUT..... a Penalty of taking his Wii away is missing the point. I will BET that if YOU played Wii WITH him.. so making it a Dad's and Lads thing.. and then potentially WOULDN'T play with him if he were naughty.. you might find the power comes back your way.

Lastly.. and this is what I personally struggle like mad with in my life with my lad.. is walking the tightrope of wanting him to ALWAYS tell me when he's been naughty, so I always know and can keep him safe... and the issue of having to tell him off when he HAS been naughty.

Eternity's hardest dilema.