Non Religious Weddings (registry office) Music Choices

[Zak33]

One year ago, almost to the day, my missus and I got married
Neither of us are religious, and the registry office was nice. Good people, good place, nice atmosphere.

I struggled for many years with "weddings" and finally we got hooked because I wanted my son's mum and dad to have the same name and because, heartless as this sounds, we needed the financial security of sharing each others pensions, finances and life insurance policys.

I felt no need to tell the world that I loved her, and I was quite worried that she'd not understand but se did. And to be fair, as she'd been divorced before, it's pretty clear to the world that a marriage ISN'T forever, cos it's a bit of paper. her divorce proved that, didn't it?

I did feel (NOT by my missus) slightly forced into marriage to get the financial stability that english institutions hold us to ransom with...and my absolute devotion to my "now" wife shouldn't need proving with a date and a registrar..... but I digress

I overcame these (very strong) beliefs and we set the date I refused any visitors (not even Nick or DR knew about it until a few days before) and only parents and siblings came.

When we decided upon a date and a time to be wed, we started to choose some basics. Music to walk in with, music to play while people arrived (no, I didnt have anyone there except close family....no friends invited at all, my choice) and music to leave too.

This is where the debate begins.

I was NOT allowed to choose any music with religious connotations.
Why would I want too? After all, I'm not religious and this isn't a church.... but there are some really really fine classics that I loved and so did Sair...but they were rejected.

The Church, even NOW...was holding sway over MY wedding, away from the Church, by not allowing a marriage to take place with any hint of religious music. And whilse I agree that the NAME of a certain track is based around God, and that the genius who penned the piece believed it was a tune to hid "god" should that stop me enjoying it? Well...I assure everyone, I love lots of religious music and am a fan of Choral work from many Cathedrals.

We googled and googled and we found some quite good sites with the relevent music, but I have to say... I felt robbed. And I still do. One year later, it still makes me angry.

Why can a CHURCH play "Tie me Kangaroo Down Sport" if it wants too, but a Matrimonial Service in a Council Registry Office cant play "jesu, joy or mans desiring"?

Am I wrong to think this is madness? When people can get married underwater in googles and flippers, why cant they also listen to a hymn?

It got more complex, because apparently back in 2005 things were so bad that yuo couldn't listen to anything with the word Angel in it, or Heaven, so Robbie Williams and Bryan Adams had been out, until that peice of sillyness was removed.

But I DIDN'T WANT BLOODY ROOBY WILLIAMS...and I wonder what you all think?

[nichomach]

Zak, has it occurred to you that the boot's on the other foot? It's REGISTRY OFFICES that don't allow religious music. And it's ANY religious music, so "the Church" isn't holding sway over anything.

[kalniel]

Yeah I don't see how the church would have anything to do with this.

edit: hold that thought.. aparently there are legal restrictions on religious references. But again, it's not the Church, it's any religious references.

edit2: But apparently that was lifted in 2005 (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/global/ma.../17/ngod17.xml)

edit3: Althought GRO still seem to have the restriction on their website.

[Zak33]

Zak, has it occurred to you that the boot's on the other foot? It's REGISTRY OFFICES that don't allow religious music. And it's ANY religious music, so "the Church" isn't holding sway over anything.

really? blimey!

[GoNz0]

yeh really, had the same as well, im not religious and we opted for the registry office as her brother and sister spent over 10 grand for one day and it was **** to the extent i was in A&E with him at 3am getting his hand stiched up.. to hot in the church, took to long, meal was pants etc

we walked into the registry office to Jamiroquai, direct family only, then went off to this posh resturant with 1 table and had the meal of a lifetime for 10 instead of trying to feed 100 on a budget.

best choice we ever made

[shaithis]

In a way religion is to blame, just by it's mere existence.

Although talking to non-religious people about such a subject will normally cause the same reaction, which is the pointing to religion to blame it for a lot of things....Which you have to understand, as logic dictates that most (if not all) religions are complete baloney, yet people still follow them and they still carry weight.

[Zak33]

yeh really, had the same as well, im not religious and we opted for the registry office as her brother and sister spent over 10 grand for one day and it was **** to the extent i was in A&E with him at 3am getting his hand stiched up.. to hot in the church, took to long, meal was pants etc

we walked into the registry office to Jamiroquai, direct family only, then went off to this posh resturant with 1 table and had the meal of a lifetime for 10 instead of trying to feed 100 on a budget.

best choice we ever made

me too

[Zak33]

only the words heaven and god and stuff were lifted from the ban.

Hymns and readings are banned.

but I'm now confused as to whom is to blame, because I have jumped to a very serious allegation here, and blamed the Church, and it might be that I have some HUGE slices of humble pie to take down, with no custard.

Which I will do if its someone elses issue.

But why do such bans exist?

[pauldarkside]

I never knew such rules existed and personally, I don't see anything wrong in wanting a tune of your choosing - it's your day after all.

Happy anniversary though

[Zak33]

Nicho has done a great job of inverting my beliefs, and I thank him for that, though I keep coming around to the same problem. I coulsn't have my choice of music.

So who set this up? English Law? House of Commons? Who/m?

[TeePee]

There needs to be a total separation between the church and the civil partnership. Let anyone have any ceremony they desire, but the civil partnership should be the legal basis, no ceremony required.

My music suggestions:

Yesterday - The Beatles
Suicide is Painless - M*SH Theme

[iranu]

A prohibition of lyrics and poems with religious references had been in place since civil ceremonies were introduced in England and Wales in 1837.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4443988.stm

It would seem that the rules were relaxed because civil weddings have become the norm. I think it's a bit hypocritical to get married in a civic setting and then have religious music especially if you aren't religious although I can't see any harm in it. There must be trillions of songs available. Although, "Bring your Daughter to the Slaughter" by Iron Maiden probably wouldn't go down too well.

My mate got married (civil) and they walked back up the "isle" to Lemon Jelly iirc. There were some readings (which I thought were sentimental bolleaux) but they weren't religious. I'm sure there was some other music because I have a vague memory that I had to sing (not alone thankfully) at one point. Dunno what the music was, but it wasn't religious as they were both atheists.

The best wedding was my brother's. His wife wanted a christmas feel to it with candles and they had it in a medieval barn and she came around to my house to search t'interwebs for medieval type music for the background - all lutes and stuff. It was brilliant! Even had our mate who's a blacksmith bring a great big sod off sword to cut the cake with. She had "here comes the bride" as she walked up the centre, but that was all the music which was played.

[Zak33]

I think it's a bit hypocritical to get married in a civic setting and then have religious music especially if you aren't religious although I can't see any harm in it.

Now you see, we hit the crux of the issue, because I dont think it's hypo crytical at all. I like the music, it's absolutely amazing and I dont listen to it for its religious base. My lack of belief in god really doesn't sway my belief in Choral Music for example. Wells Cathedral or York Minster still stupifies me and I absolutely adore visiting both. But that's because of the amazing architechture and the stunning resonance of the places. Does visiting a Cathedral make me a hypocrit (sp?) ? I jolly hope not.

Although, "Bring your Daughter to the Slaughter" by Iron Maiden probably wouldn't go down too well.

We discussed that (really, we did, many times) because we're both Maiden fans, but parents might not have liked it!

[Justin111]

nice man

[Betty_Swallocks]

My question would be why have music at all? Or for that matter why a ceremony?

If all it is is formalising a legal arrangement and the institution of marriage has no significance for you why give it more attention than it deserves?
The pair of you just turn up at the office in your lunchbreak with your witnesses, sign the various bits of paper and then go back to work.

[Cichlidash]

I have pretty much found that most Registry Office weddings I have ever been too have always been a real let down or a bit of a none event. That being said the best wedding I have ever been too was actually done in a Registry but in a very different way as it was performed at a old steam rail line and you had to ride a restored stream train their and back, of course the same issue existed with the music restriction and as I was incharge of the music it made for some intresting choices, sadly the bride would not let me play the Imperial march from Star Wars to her coming down the isle (or what ever that bit of music is called)
While weddings may not be forever they can on the odd occassion work but I imagine that it would take up a lot of work, nothing I have ever had any intrest in to tell the truth having a kid and wife would just get in the way of game playing time