I'm not entirely sure on how to do everything you have asked for but this link from the apple web site goes over and explains every quicktime tag attribute:
QuickTime: Embed Tag Attributes
Hopefully with that information you can solve your problem.
The way you are currently embedding your quicktime movie will cause that stupid "click here to active" message, to solve this you can use javascript to embedd your video. This is actually quite simple:
Download AC_Quicktime.JS from here (the link is about half way down) Put that file in the same location as your html file.
Then add this to the head of your html
Code:
<script src="AC_QuickTime.js" language="JavaScript" type="text/javascript">
</script>
And when you want to embedd a quicktime movie, simply add this code:
Code:
<script language="JavaScript" type="text/javascript">
QT_WriteOBJECT('MOVIENAMEHERE.mov','WIDTH IN PIXELS','HEIGHT IN PIXELS (ADD 16 PIXELS TO INCLUDE TIME BAR AT BOTTOM IF YOU WANT TO SHOW IT)','',
'autostart','true',
'name', 'movie',
'qtsrcdontusebrowser', 'true',
'bgcolor', '080808',
'showlogo', 'false');
</script>
You can see from there that its easy to add more attributes by simply adding 'something','do something', in between the script tags.
Hope some of that is helpful.
Tim